Being in an open relationship flies in the face of everything we are brought up to believe about ‘loose’ women being undesirables
Non-monogamy, polyamory, open relationships: whatever your preferred term, it can be a heavy word to drop at the dinner table.
It’s not even something with a stellar track record of media representation, either: when non-monogamy is seen on our screens it’s usually in the context of a cult leader with a throng of brides, each of them clad in neck-high gingham and seeming to have more in common with the Manson family than any modern relationship.
For most of my life I was as monogamous as it was possible to be, almost to a fault. I found that jealousy would frequently rear its head if my partner or crush du jour was so much as spotted in the same room as someone who might chance at a flirt.
Only when I was in my mid-20s did I meet a man who tipped that attitude on its head and told me that although he was as interested in me as I was in him, he was already in a successful open relationship and monogamy was not an option.
At no point did I feel neglected or envious; indeed, I found non-monogamy worked for me better than any relationship formula I’d seen in the past. I got to know my partner’s partner, and we got along well, and while they shared romantic weekends away and dinner dates together I was free to date and hook-up as much as I wanted.
Who am I to demand a partner never again indulge a crush, share a kiss at a party, or take someone to bed? And who are they to demand the same of me? Beyond the thought of getting a big diamond and an expensive dress, marriage had never really appealed to me, and I couldn’t imagine myself now wanting to make that choice.
Likewise, I never had much of a maternal instinct, and after 27 years of having a completely silent biological clock it seems only right that I should focus on having rich and fulfilling romantic relationships instead of aiming for a husband, three children, and a white picket fence.
It is entirely possible to be in a relationship where loyalty, trust, and honesty are valued while both partners sleep with and date other people: I would know. I have lived it more than once.
