So Catholics say Protestants are going to hell, Protestants say Catholics are going to hell. Both have solid defenses for both of their doctrines, and both sides, dont you dare say they don't, they objectively do. If you put the entirety of Protestant defenses and Catholic defenses in two machines and fired those two doctrines at each other to figure out which one came on top, surely it would create a kugelblitz of matter-anti-matter annihilation. That's how I feel at least when weighing the two. Catholics will laugh for saying that Protestant doctrine is solid, Protestants will do the same. Because both sides believe they are irrevocably correct.
I dont mean to invite division with this thread, that's not my intention, but I have recently come out of a years long struggle with myself, and after the Lord has overturned years of inner turmoil, spiritual anguish, panic, despair and existential anxiety, I have finally been fully restored to full repentance over night. Praise God! But now with answers come more questions. Now, I care about nothing else but God. Disobeying him grieves not only the Holy Spirit but deeply grieves my own heart. I desire only the Lord. There is no worldly thing of mine left, only a heart that seeks the Lord remains. I seek and desire truth and only truth, but truth becomes such a fickle thing when everyone claims to have it absolutely. This is the dilemma I face with protestants and Catholics.
I've read the word and I know in my heart on almost a supernatural level that the holy spirit dwells in me and I must be saved. I bear these fruits of the holy spirit, I have become like a wild man unto those who don't understand wrestling with the Lord and seeking his face. I am so desperate for his presence that soon I will spend 8 days in the wilderness without food, alone from him until I hear his voice or understand his will for my life. Please understand that no matter what judgements or preconceptions you make of my person, that my journey and my heart is genuine.
But I listen to this discourse between sects and denominations and they all have such wisdom, but from a fundamental level, who is right? Who can ever be saved? If I remain a "protestant" then what if the Catholics are right? If I become a Catholic, what if the protestants are right and I am deceived? I just want the Lord! I just want my God! And at this point I feel that I am deceived by both sides because I will always be rejected by one of them! But what do I care about the opinions of men? My desire is the Lord and only the Lord. I am at peace when he is pleased of me. Yet how can I ever know what is right? I only want my heart to be right. I want the Lord to see what's in my heart and be pleased and favor me because my heart seeks him. But damn this denominationalism for making me so uncertain and double minded. You all say you're right and have good reasons for believing you're secure, but how can I find security in one side only to stand before my Savior and be told "I never knew you?"
If I can't be sure that I belong to my Father in Heaven then I'd rather be dead. Catholics, you say ecclesiam nulla salus, but what about me? And I sit in Catholic churches and I feel so empty. To the protestants, you see Catholicism as so fundamentally erroneous yet I go church to church and no one is convicted by the Holy Spirit, everyone is idle and blissful WHEN THERE ARE PEOPLE GOING TO HELL
I'm judging no one, we live in turbulent times. I'm confused and wandering. Who is right? Who has the answer? Can I ever find peace and security in the Lord? Please help me brothers.