Had to stick a finger up my ass and scoop my own shit out due to constipation

>had to stick a finger up my ass and scoop my own shit out due to constipation

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you've made it user, congrats

I'll make you feel better OP
>failed overdose
>poo backed up for a whole week with no end in sight
>tried one of those stool softeners, didn't work
>decide I can't wait any longer
>go into the backyard and stick hose up my ass to attempt a home style colonic
>blast that shit
>only a few rock hard, and I mean rock hard shit nuggets plop out
>keep blasting and pushing for what was about 15 minutes
>I'm finally clean, but there are so many shit rocks
>go inside to get a garbage bag
>dog gets out into the yard
>oh no
>dog proceeds to ravenously eat every single shit rock
>think about stopping him, but he's already scoffed most of them
>fuck it, let him eat them
>my sister witnessed the whole thing and I beg her not to tell anyone
>she doesn't, in exchange for a small fee
>dog was fine
It felt amazing afterwards not gonna lie

why is that so bad? never touch your own shit before?

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Now this is REAL Zig Forums - business & finance m

i had constipation so bad I felt like I was gonna faint and my entire face and hands were all tingly

How much did you pay her?

5 shitrockcoins

>small fee
Nice business related story m8

checked finally some good green text

I gave her my 'rare' coin collection which was mostly common coins I thought looked neat. At the time they weren't worth much, probably a hundred or so nowadays.

did you fuck her

legit know this isnt a larp because the same shit happened to me. why do dogs like to eat shit and then playfully run away when you try to stop them as well?

>suddenly no matter what I eat I have to shit liquid watery diarrhea
>asshole is in constant pain
>sometimes weird goo is leaking out of my asshole
>blood when I wipe is getting more and more
>blood in stool is avax red

wat do?

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best thread and best post on Zig Forums

This is why I keep coming back to Zig Forums

>failed overdose
>rest of story

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stop eating shit. i also have this problem only when i order out. You also probably have hemorrhoids and maybe anus tear from shitting so much. stop wiping so hard as well get wet wipes that have hemorrhoid is in them it might burn a littl before but itll make your hemorrhoids feel 100% better. If you see dark black shit in the toilet it looks like dark red old blood or whatever you should probably go to your doctor ASAP prob got some real bad fucked up shit going on. bright red doesnt matter that much

SIDES
IN
ORBIT

Unironically go to the doctor. It could be colon cancer or something else equally as bad. Are you gay? Do you use drugs? Do you have hemorrhoids?

if its bright red fresh blood its hemorrhoid related.

you liked it thats why you feel guilty

get a sigmoid colonoscopy, they'll get instantly figure out whats wrong and they give you some drugs that let you take a day or two off, the drugs make it so you don't feel a camera hose in your asshole

Stop drinking alcohol 100%
I had the same issue, completely quit drinking and that was the only thing that fixed it
I tried everything else, fiber supplements, eating super healthy fiber foods, no more burgers or junky food, shitting with my feet on a stool.. but still I'd shit blood
I quit drinking and it entirely stopped
Apparently alcohol makes your blood pressure go up, and hemorrhoids are just big veins in your butt really, so when your blood pressure goes up from drinking it stresses your hemorrhoids and can make them susceptible to bursting when you shit
good times!
I miss booze but not as much as I missed bloodless shitting

what te fuck is this thread lmao
never change /biz

>go thru a dragon dildo phase
>stop
>my butthole still works fine
>but whenever i shit my butthole stays gaped open for a couple minutes
>wiping never feels the same as it did before
wat do Zig Forums?

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Wouldn’t be surprised if you hold PNK too

I know that feel... Always works for me is 200+ grams of dried apricots. But be near a toilet an hour later cuz shit gets real.

Is your sister hot?

hahaha nice

You broke your butthole