No matter how hard I try it never gets better, almost always worse.
I’ve been trying and trying for years to learn to socialize with others, no matter what my face goes red and I can’t come up with anything to say. I’m a grown man, I’m not a fucking teenager or college kid and I can’t perform this basic task. When I go into a grocery store my heart starts pounding in my chest and I feel dizzy.
I’ve tried lifting, running, meditating, eating healthier, I’ve tried everything and I only ever get worse. I can’t fall asleep at night. I wake up every morning with a low grade headache. I am greasy, pale, I have big droopy eyes and big bags under my eyes.
I can’t do anything right. I’m starting to think I will never, ever IMPROVE, let alone be normal, let alone be successful. Life is pure torture for me, nothing I do works. I am a complete fucking loser.
sounds like you have avoidant personality disorder
go see a therapist
Daniel Cruz
you will stop caring soon enough. just remember people don't care as much about the things that you think they do. you have to learn to not give a fuck. I know it sounds cliche but its that easy. I learned by realizing when I was angry I didn't give 2 fucks what people thought so I got into my angry mindset without appearing angry, kind of hard to explain but if you get the concept you will overcome it.
Nathaniel Anderson
Never give up, try to find meetups / events with people who share similar hobbies as you do, can be an easy way to meet people and provides an obvious topic of conversation where both parties are interested. If you don't have hobbies, try different things you think might interest you until something clicks. If you keep trying and don't give up, I can guarantee you things will change. It may not be quick, not easy, but if you keep at it there will be a change. Good luck
Blake Phillips
Socializing is easier if you drink and do drugs. Maybe that will help?
Isaac Cook
In situations like these I think more drastic approaches are necessary, something like completely discarding your old life and getting yourself into a dangerous territory where you can't ever run back to your parents if you ever get scared. Would recommend taking advantage of social supports and young adult programs available to you where you live to help you
Worked for me at least, I might still be shy and avoidant and stumble on my words but independence has permanently shifted my overall self-image to someone that resembles more of a man than a scared little boy
Hudson Roberts
I feel you brother. come hang in /xsg/ anons post tons of based shit all the time. you must find purpose through responsibility. I believe in you user!!! love you.
Jeremiah Ortiz
You are the person you are. There is only so much you can change about yourself that isn't rooted biologically in how your brain works. Some of us were simply not made to function in how human society operates. It is what it is.
Cameron Moore
I am praying for you fren. Have you been to a shrink? Medication might help.
It may be a problem caused by your subconscious rules and beliefs inherited from your childhood and the treatment you got from your parents. They did not give you unconditional love and you fear losing stranger's love and acceptation if you are not perfect because of this. You have to go back to the root of your problem and change your beliefs. Rewrite your past into the ideal past you wish have had and it will magically change your perception of the world and solve most of your problems.
Did you get a trauma from a past event when something bad happened and you are reminded of it each time you interact with it? In that case you have to relive that trauma and find a solution of how you could have reacted or slightly change the event to make it a good memory instead using your current knowledge. Your memory of your past event is used as a reference to decide how you act in your present. Thus by rewriting your past memories and finding good solutions to past problems you can solve the past issue and its result in your present.
take the plunge. do something drastic that doesn't involve hurting yourself. maybe like same boat with the redness. i have a few conditions that make my cheeks run blood red over nothing. so i tell the truth and tell others to fuck off when they make fun of it.
i believe in you, user
Colton Smith
You're thoughts make up who you are. Care less about others and change you're thoughts
Thomas Jones
You are unhealthy, Mood and Anxiety are symptoms of leaky gut and dysbiosis. Go google on how to fix your leaky gut and replenish your good bacteria with a spore biotic. There have been scientific studies showing probioitics has improve social interactions of kids with autism.
Fix your gut op you are severely unhealthy. Go a strict keto diet.
I know that feel, bro. I ended up taking a teaching job for a few years. Obviously I was awkward af in the beginning, but I got a lot more comfortable the more I did it. I'm less anxious now, but I still get that feeling that everyone is staring at me waiting for me to do something embarrassing. But putting yourself in uncomfortable experiences can help.
Josiah Morris
I was like this for most of my life but in the past couple years, starting around 22, I stopped caring what people think. Stopped getting so nervous placing phone calls to order food and don't get panicky in the grocery store like I used to.
But now that I overcame the massive social anxiety, my brain is in the firm grip of OCD where I always return to the same negative thoughts in any moment where my mind is not completely occupied.
Andrew Fisher
is this book good?
Jose Martinez
At least you tried perhaps you would be far worse if not, idk
Dominic Cox
It changed my life. Most of us grew up in a toxic family without a strong father figure. This book helps you recognize different forms of problems in your family and help you change your mind which was warped as a child to keep your beliefs that your parents were gods. For example you may feel you are responsible for your parent's happiness, that you don't deserve happiness if they are unhappy or that they will withdraw their love if you don't behave the way they want. All this is a result of being a powerless child who had to survive with all powerful parents who were the equivalents of gods. This warps your subconscious mind to keep the illusion alive that your parents were good and perfect people until you decide to go back and change your perspective on your past. Until you recognize that your parents are not perfect gods and only limited human beings who can make mistakes you will not be able to take charge of your life and will continuously sabotage your attempts at happiness.
Jose Robinson
Sounds like you have social anxiety. I feel you. A huge step for me was realizing I had social anxiety. Then I accepted it. Once you do its easier to detach and observe your reactions from a 3rd person point of view and understand the world is not ending, you are just experiencing social anxiety. Once you can see yourself in this 3rd person pov it is much easier to deal with your condition, because you are braking the egoic identification with it. It goes from "this is who I AM" to "this is what is happening at this moment".
Also, smoking weed helped me a lot AT FIRST. It was a fantastic tool in breaking the terror that came from being in certain social situations. However, after a while it reversed and actually made it worse, so I no longer smoke around people or in most social settings.
> I’ve tried lifting, running, meditating, eating healthier, I’ve tried everything and I only ever get worse
You have tried the right things but you probably havent adressed the underlying issue which is identification with your mind and thoughts. You probably think too much,live inside your head, and let your thoughts dictate emotional responses which by this point have a set pattern so that when you go into a public place you are bombarded by all sorts of negative thoughts, interpret things the wrong way (everyone is looking at me and judging me!), and trigger negativ3 emotional responses designed to keep you in that loop (Im a loser, weird, Im not worthy, I hate mywelf for feeling like this, Im weak) etc.
Start taking more risks See a therapist or get help in the form of cognitive behaviour therapy to fix your negative thoughts that contribute to anxiety Spend a lot of time trying to reach the goals you have in life and achieve these goals so you gain confidence Do things that you enjoy, stop doing the things you don’t enjoy doing and try and break patterns of behaviour that contribute to you doing these bad things
There you go, these are all the things I did at age 25 to reduce my own social anxiety
He was the first real father figure a lot of men in the western world had.
Asher Peterson
>go see a therapist that's right user, go talk to a normie who has no fucking idea what it's like to be you, and to get prescribed some pills he has never taken
Michael Davis
Smoke weed or something, you fucking sperg.
Lucas Cooper
Amor fati, gayboy
Jack Williams
I'm 33 and still like this. Sorry user, I know exactly what you're going through, been like this since grade school. Only thing that's helped me is alcohol and drugs. Lifting does help somewhat.
Kayden Robinson
You say you have tried meditation, but have you really? It *can* help you. I was in the same predicament as you and I'm now much better.
>Was NEET >Lived with parents into my fucking 30s >Heart racing as soon as I stepped foot outdoors >Couldn't talk with anybody >Reached a point in life where I broke down completely >Every time something went well for me I started getting conscious about the fact that it went well and I no longer could focus and it ruined everything >Started making me literally go insane >Asked online for advice, like you OP but in some place meant for mental help >Some guy said he understood what I was going through completely and knew that meditation supposedly fixed just that >Made me very hopeful >Started researching >Meditation, mindfulness, went into a deep rabbit hole >Downloaded headspace >Started meditating >After a few days at one point my head actually became totally clear, void of anything, just pure emptiness, no emotions, no nothing >I was bliss. After the fact I started reading more books and stuff and Sam Harris talked about this moment a lot. First time it happens you just become happy as fuck and just joyfully, mindfully present, doing things, and you're just happy at the fact that everything, FINALLY, is just fucking quiet in your head >Had never felt anything like this before. I was finally fucking happy for once >Lasted a few days (Sam Harris reinforced that it indeed lasts for a few days) >Came soon to realize that this literally fucked me pretty hard >No idea what to say to people I had relationships with >I became a totally new person >No idea what I felt before towards my dad, my mother, brother >Brother would say something and I would have no idea what to literally say or do, I was just empty in the head >Clean slate >Stopped meditating as it started freaking me the fuck out >Built a new personality and ego from this clean slate >31yo >Apply for a job for the hell of it cont
