What would you do with a portal gun?

this is going to backsplash

Answer the homephone from anywhere in the house. Would be dope

go on a good old adventure with Morty.

I'd rather have a portal right in my rectum so I don't even need to shit at all

you are right that it's not a thrust based buttfucking but if you take your hands and slide it in and out you should be able to get off

But how do you shoot the portal on the surface near your ass?

I'd rather not.

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way funnier without text

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you reshoot the portal inside through the portal at your back

You should need a portal gun for this. Ribs get in the way. I'm 6.5 inches and after trying to do it for a while I gained the flexibility to get the tip in my mouth, but that's all. Hardly even counts as sucking dick if that's all that can happen, and like said, it's an uncomfortable strained position, that even if I could get more in my mouth, no chance I'd be able to cum. It's hard enough keeping it stiff when you're pretzel'd like that.
Portal gun is 100% for sucking your own dick.

behold!

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Nothing, because the portal gun needs some kind of paint blend or some shit that has moon rocks in it.
So it literally wouldn't be able to do anything.

wouldn't you fall thought the portal as soon as you sit on it?

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Accidently burn up Earth's atmosphere....

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One portal on earth, and another at the sun...

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>sitting on a john with an ass hanging above it
that's just asking for trouble

doesn't really sound like an accident, does it?
also stop using ellipses, you come off like a retard

nice

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Solve this problem

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As the D moves forward, the ass does too, so the most you can experience is motionless insertion.

That kind of flexibility has never been normal, not even in hunter/gatherer days.

Just don't have a small dick and don't be fat.
I'm slim and can easily suck my own dick. Obviously not deepthroat it, but atleast get a good way down.
And no it's not as enjoyable as it sounds, it's too much effort and strain to be worth it.