Furzende Frauen & feurige Impotenz Aber nichts, absolut gar nichts, ist so schlimm wie die World Events, mit denen Ubisoft die Nebenquests vorheriger Spiele ersetzt hat. Hinter diesem Namen verbergen sich kleine Geschichten, die sich in der Welt verstecken und an Belanglosigkeit und Peinlichkeit kaum zu überbieten sind.
In schlimmster Fetch-Quest-Manier sammeln wir Schlangeneier für eine Frau, damit sie den heftigsten Furz der ganzen Stadt loslassen kann. Wir tragen Äpfel von Punkt A nach Punkt B. Wir laufen mit einem Jungen hinter einer Katze her. Wir werfen die Habseligkeiten eines Mannes von einem Berg, damit er sich danach hinterher stürzen kann. Wir reden mit einem Kind und schießen dann ein Blatt von einem Baum. Ein Wikingerpärchen leidet unter Potenzproblemen, weil ihr Sexleben nur auf Raubzügen stattgefunden hat. Wir zünden also ihr Haus an und schwupps hat er wieder einen Steifen. Als beide anfangen, ihrer lodernden Lust freien Lauf zu lassen, machen wir uns aus dem Staub - um gerade noch zu sehen, wie das Liebespaar bewegungslos stöhnend auf einer Bank sitzt und sich mit leerem Blick anstarrt, während alles um sie herum brennt.
>But even Eivor’s loose main goal is troublesome because of how the game glosses over the inherent issues that come with violent expansion. Moving into a new land and killing the natives to grab their property deserves justification or some examination, something the game couldn’t be less interested in doing. Having control over what kind of Viking Eivor is would not only inject some woefully-needed player agency in the narrative, but it would also offer fertile grounds for such commentary. Having to deal with your consequences of your bloodthirsty reign or non-violent methods seems made for an RPG like this.
>The villages that Eivor and their crew burns down and picks clean are seemingly filled with poor, innocent people that likely don’t deserve such a fate. Eivor is the villain and, in many cases, reasonably so. Even the British soldiers aren’t properly demonized enough to explain away killing them on sight in their country. Such a premise is ripe for examination or critique, but the game just treats it as a fun mechanic that you shouldn’t think too hard about.
I'd rather play a Christian knight defending kin and country against a bunch of genderfluid white niggers and butch dyke terrorists.
Can't even play a feminine assassin who is good with stealth and sneaking and shit. Might have made sense in this fantasy setting: a small feminine assassin who is good with hiding and sneaking etc. Instead, we got Ellen Degeneres ultimate wet dream.
Assassin's Creed - if you return home from work and gotta go to work again.
Isaac Parker
What in the fuck am I looking at?
David Morales
It's fine if a good game is long. But when it's just the latest ubisoft turd freshly squeezed from their bloated, cadaverous asshole then it's better if it doesn't exceed 2 hours of play time at the very most.
Dylan Butler
>an RPG like this >RPG Pardon? It's an open-world story-driven collect-a-thon adventure. Where the fuck are these idiots getting "RPG" from?
Nathaniel Miller
Because AC games now have diablo-esque loot rarities and stats to pump which somehow = RPG for most people
>But I also found myself making excuses for Assassin's Creed Valhalla until I couldn't any longer. It mimics the Odyssey formula but takes a step backward in almost every way. It sacrifices story for scale. It's designed to discourage stealth in favor of epic battles. It's true to the Viking experience, but it isn't true to the Assassin's Creed experience. That's why it comes off feeling like the least essential game in the whole series. Impressive in some of its accomplishments, but inessential all the same. destructoid.com/stories/review-assassin-s-creed-valhalla-609154.phtml
Ayden Nguyen
>when women in vidya have twice the jawline than the average male
Too much bloat Cookie cutter side quests Combat is clunky Stiff character movement Laborious attacks Convoluted, uninteresting story Narrative lacks continuity logic Body language missing in conversations Microtransactions Bugs
>It's a problem because Assassin's Creed Valhalla is a very large game and it often feels as though there's nothing irresistible enough to keep pulling you along. It extends beyond the critical path. There's a tangled web of Templars who need assassinating (exactly like Odyssey's Cult of Kosmos) but there's no fascinating side plot that'll leave you wondering who's at the head of it all. There's a thematic bent toward Norse mythology, but it's not apparent in the overworld; that stuff seems to be mostly confined to interactions with a single resident at your base camp. destructoid.com/stories/review-assassin-s-creed-valhalla-609154.phtml
Jaxson Gutierrez
Wow
Alexander Price
Witcher 3 clones are the new RPGs now
Josiah Kelly
The moment you find out the Ghost was a woman, you basically already figured it out.
Lincoln Hill
Would prefer if this series went back to being a linear narrative driven game like AC1. Yes I know it was open world but it was done in a linear way. You never had to wander about the open world. You just go from target to target.
Tyler Bell
Britfags are really butthurt they're the badguys of history
Ryan James
>dwarfing even Odyssey Fuck me, I didn’t even finish Origins. They’re filled with crap.
Gabriel Russell
So it's a Ubishit game, gotcha
Asher Thomas
The problem with odyssey's quests is that you've just got an infinite pool of "kill 5 soldiers 250 meters away" to the point where I didn't want to do quests for people any more.
Noah Bailey
That's realistic for a Scandinavian from that era especially if they brutish enough to be a Viking Left is some danty French cocksucker
Kevin Jones
sounds like the laziest ac yet, so the more money they make the less effort they're gonna put into these or what.
Camden Johnson
u were making yourself understod until you started typing gibberish after the green text, why op
Tyler Turner
Look for a she troll to impregnate so your children aren't as effeminate as you
Owen Lewis
>Genderfluid Wiggers invade your land >bad guys for defending against them Lmao
Jaxson Foster
I felt that the problem with Odyssey was that the characters were all made to be as inoffensive and harmless as possible. Everything was purposefully designed to not trigger even the meltiest snowflake. It was so harmless and safe and unthreatening that it felt childish and harmless already.
And from what I read about the characters in Valhalla so far ... a woman who wants to win a farting contest (has to be a woman, of course) - a female warrior maiden who needs her house destroyed so she and her mate can feel like Vikings again and have sex again .... a few Saxon peasants who want to become Vikings themselves and so they burn down their own house.
It's this childish, inoffensive, politically correct humor that makes it so dull and unrealistic. Just like there was this one mercenary in Odyssey who was described as a "nice guy" who became a mercenary after no lady wanted to have sex with him or something.
It's all purposefully designed to be as bland as possible and not hurt any teenage snowflake's feelings...
Ryan Thomas
Gopod., I unironically liked how long odyssey was.
