Basically what the title says.
I'm a 33 year old virgin and Sonic has given me so much joy in my meaningless life, so I want to know how to become him. Where should I start? Are there any obstacles I may not be able to overcome in the process? Best way to tell my parents about this (They hate things like this)
>Run about 20km per day
>Drink heaps of water in between
>protein protein protein
>literally don't stop running
Considering you're 33 you obviously wouldn't get as far as someone in their 20s but you could get pretty fast with some constant training
Next step:
>travel loads to find new places to run
>make loads of friends on your adventures
>buy a home in the countryside
>wear blue, buy red sneakers
>keep running
>make science your enemy, make an enemy out of the local university
>run through the university causing heaps of trouble, getting chased by security
>due to your training never get caught
>keep harassing universities and people of science by fucking sprinting through causing a complete scene
>go back to your country home and hang out with buds
that's about it. It'll take years of dedication but you can do it user.
just go and tell them you're a mega faggot. that would be better than saying to them you're a sonic fan
This thread is nice
I thought this was an edited picture of goatse but now I see it’s a bionicle
1, Learn to lucid dream
2. Inject yourself with a half-dozen horse tranquilizers so you can put yourself in a permacoma
3. You're now Sonic. Maybe not in reality, but in your mind.
First you need soap shoes; I'm pretty sure they're out of business though.
Second you need to start hitting the track, not the gym, just the track. Run, run, and run. You can't be Sonic until you run a 5 minute mile.
Third, become a park ranger and find a fat litterer or poacher and make them your Eggman.
Someone else can add on.
Eggman is hardly representative of universities, he's a caricature of capitalists who destroy forests and grasslands and replace it with factories and other manmade structures
So OP would be better off running around factories and jumping on the machines. Also go into labs and free the animals being tested on and stuff
>So OP would be better off running around factories and jumping on the machines. Also go into labs and free the animals being tested on and stuff
agreed. Swap out unis for factories from my post, OP.
>I'm a 33 year old virgin and Sonic has given me so much joy in my meaningless life
sonic wouldn't be happy to hear this, he'd probably run away at the first sight of you
you forgot he needs to tell the security chasing him that they're too slow
That's not true. Sonic would tell him to keep his chin up and show him running tips.
You're gonna need a lot of money for cosmetic surgeries. (Please do not undergo any cosmetic surgeries.)
Sonic is a pretty open and tolerant guy though, he would really never do that unless you were annoying the fuck out of him. He wouldn't stick around you for long, but that goes for everyone, even Tails.
you could probably build some contraption to strap to yourself that allows you to roll around in a ball as well.
hmmmm, well....
>Run about 20km per day
>literally don't stop running
This is a no, I get winded going up the stairs
>Drink heaps of water in between
>protein protein protein
I really only eat pizza, I guess I could check if there's some protein in it, but I'm not changing my diet.
>travel loads to find new places to run
I really don't leave my room very much, I mean I clean the garage every two weeks for money and I occasionally go to McDonalds with my mom and dad, but that's it really.
>make loads of friends on your adventures
I have three friends on Discord and that's it, I guess I could play some more multiplayer games but apparently I scream too much for people to be my friend.
>buy a home in the countryside
My mom's house is red, and I'm not leaving
>wear blue, buy red sneakers
Well, I own a pair of Megamind boxers I wear, and I mostly don't wear shoes.
>keep running
My legs hurt if I run for longer than a Walmart aisle length
>make science your enemy, make an enemy out of the local university
This is already true, since I failed Biology and got kicked out of my university.
>run through the university causing heaps of trouble, getting chased by security
I probably wouldn't be fast enough, but I can conceptualize myself doing it and eventually I will believe I already did it.
>due to your training never get caught
I have only gotten caught once watching sonic transformation binaural beats videos
>keep harassing universities and people of science by fucking sprinting through causing a complete scene
I'm most likely never going to get my degree.
>go back to your country home and hang out with buds
I hang out every Thursday with my friend William (on discord) and that's it
All in all thanks for the attempt, but this isn't very realistic for me.
>tired of life
>urge to go out in a blaze of glory
Fuck, I'm seriously thinking about donning a mask and costume and fighting crime. Supposedly, my city has a high crime rate so why not? I don't care about what happens to me anymore. I just want to have some excitement in my life. What do you guys think?
you will have to switch that pizza for chili dogs
>I want to become sonic
>But I don't want to change
You'll never make it with this attitude user. We all believe in you.
1, Learn to lucid dream
I cannot do this, but I constantly have dreams of a girl in my middle school named Lucy telling me one of my jokes was funny once.
2. Inject yourself with a half-dozen horse tranquilizers so you can put yourself in a permacoma
Mom told me i get kicked out if I bring anything illegal into the household
3. You're now Sonic. Maybe not in reality, but in your mind.
No I am not Sonic, Sonic runs fast, is cool, has friends, doesn't get yelled at while playing Sonic Forces to eat his Pizza and get a job at his Cousin's refinery.
First you need soap shoes; I'm pretty sure they're out of business though.
I take a shower once a month, but I don't use soap.
Second you need to start hitting the track, not the gym, just the track. Run, run, and run. You can't be Sonic until you run a 5 minute mile.
I only hit my PS4 controller when I die on Sonic Forces.
Third, become a park ranger and find a fat litterer or poacher and make them your Eggman.
My mom knows a boy who sends her fresh eggs, so she doesn't need another egg man.
I’m fucking dying at the image of a 33 year old dude just sprinting full speed through some university or lab wearing blue and security being unable to catch him.
leave the dealers alone
Anyone who actually decides to become a vigilante hero in the streets of wherever will be covered no matter what so you'd definitely get some attention and build a name for yourself. Do it user
go to a meth lab during a thuderstorm, bring a really big lightning rod.
So OP would be better off running around factories and jumping on the machines. Also go into labs and free the animals being tested on and stuff
I will NEVER work at my Cousin's refinery, they used to burn cigarettes on my butt and blame the cat. Plus I don't think I can jump, I could try, but I'm on the second story of the house so I could potentially fall through the floor and get hurt.
>I'm a 33 year old virgin and Sonic has given me so much joy in my meaningless life
sonic wouldn't be happy to hear this, he'd probably run away at the first sight of you
You make a very fair point, but I feel like Sonic would realize my struggle and make me his friend, then he would give me special powers and we would defeat Eggman together and eat Pizzas and watch Sonic Underground and maybe some family guy if it was late enough where my mother doesn't hear it.
>you will have to switch that pizza for chili dogs
I only really eat Frozen Pizzas, I don't like chili dogs because one time, my Cousins gave me a chili and it hurt and wasn't very tasty.
>tired of life
>urge to go out in a blaze of glory
Fuck, I'm seriously thinking about donning a mask and costume and fighting crime. Supposedly, my city has a high crime rate so why not? I don't care about what happens to me anymore. I just want to have some excitement in my life. What do you guys think?
That's really badass, I think Sonic would do something like that but he already is Sonic and people know about him, and so like, he wouldn't need to wear a mask and he would just be himself I think
>Fuck, I'm seriously thinking about donning a mask and costume and fighting crime. Supposedly, my city has a high crime rate so why not? I don't care about what happens to me anymore. I just want to have some excitement in my life. What do you guys think?
You could fight crime in a more impactful way and make your community a happier place by giving your free time doing community service and fundraising. But that'd actually require you to get off your ass.
>>Fuck, I'm seriously thinking about donning a mask and costume and fighting crime. Supposedly, my city has a high crime rate so why not? I don't care about what happens to me anymore. I just want to have some excitement in my life. What do you guys think?
>You could fight crime in a more impactful way and make your community a happier place by giving your free time doing community service and fundraising. But that'd actually require you to get off your ass.
That was me responding to the guy, my response starts with "That's really badass"
You're not really dedicated to becoming sonic. How shameful.
There's no way you're for real.
train or something first and get a few takedowns instead of running in out of shape and dying a pathetic death.
>30 year old disappointment
You're already Sonic
kek
good one