I've finally descended here (?)

So I've been feeling like shit lately, to the point where I just want to leave a message in this god forsaken place, out of boredom, catharsis or whatever.

I've always been a normie, or at least struggled to be one with some degree of success, despite my deep love for video games and other autistic shit.

Around 5-6 years ago when I started going to the university to study psychology I felt like the world was there to be taken and nothing would stop me from doing so, but today I feel like I'm just so close to ending up as a NEET, or as any other type of fucker that usually lurks forums like this.

Anyway, back then I considered myself somewhat attractive and was always surrounded by girls (which are a majority in the psychology career). I dated a girl which I very much liked and she left me soon afterwards for some loser dipshit, and I guess I was too clingy and cringed her to the point where she left.

I've always loved music so I also studied a minor in jazz interpretation. I had a band that came to play gigs on an almost weekly basis and managed to get a mild degree of local success. It was around that point where I arbitrarily decided that the psychology major was bullshit and switched to political science (which you might well argue is an even more bullshit degree).

I liked the degree and was kinda easy, but not too fulfilling. I've always wanted to be a teacher/educator like my grand father, and I believed i'd get something to teach from it, since it's generally so encompassing. Meanwhile my band gave me lots of happiness but one day after a gig went wrong the guys in the band kinda plotted against me and kicked me out. This pissed me off greatly as I was a founder and contributed a great deal to it. To add injury to insult, a few days later I was contacted by a music agent who supposedly had worked with a lot of famous musicians and wanted to work with the band. He treated me to a very fancy dinner and all (continuing)

Attached: 54ye5kto9coz.png (691x653, 27.11K)

Other urls found in this thread:

youtu.be/1-9RMSbl_Uo
youtu.be/Ek5NttmZa3g
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

Don't do it, you're gonna miss Jong Un coming back to save us arrogant westerners.

(Continuing)

This was at the kind of restaurant where you could casually run into famous people. So after having the fancy dinner I told the guy that I had broken up with the band like a couple days ago and there was nothing. As you can imagine that didn't go exactly right, and the agent guy got super pissed. After that I randomly ran into a friend whom I hadn't seen in years, and one thing led to another and we ended up drunk in a whore house basically.

Anyway, after getting kicked out of the band and all, I started looking for people to create and another band, and must've gone through at least 10 bands, which all failed miserably. At one point a drummer flat out told me that I had the talent but didn't have the level, and that I basically sucked.

Although this wouldn't affect most people, it did me. To the point where I actually started dual majoring in music and taking the music a lot more seriously because I truly wanted to git gud. I studied and practiced intensively on the piano and all.

There was a piano exam in which I managed to pull off some pretty complex pieces and the judges were so impressed that they actually invited me to play in some fancy pianists concert. I was very happy to play there, but I don't know what the hell happenned to my brain. When I had to play I went blank, I forgot everything on the spot and the concert was a complete disaster, an absolute embarrassment of majestic proportions. The audience was filled with music teachers, promising music students, my gf, whom all saw me as a nervous wuss. Nobody laughed but I think that would've made it better.

Anyway, after that I figured I might just actually suck, so I layed back from music for a while. I still practice and all but not as intensively, and I genuinely love playing. I somehow managed to graduate in political science and was very close to getting another degree which was also coursing, in government studies. But then my father passed away (continuing)

Am not reading all that shiet nigga lmao
Nobody cares

Aw man don't do him like that

OP. You're right. You're on a bad trajectory
>Around 5-6 years ago when I started going to the university to study psychology I felt like the world was there to be taken and nothing would stop me from doing so
I was able to recapture this feeling when I was in Japan.
Japan has an endless culture that seems to give what you put into it. There's over a hundred museums in Japan, and most are free or 100 yen. Their jazz scene is great. And they have a distinct style in Osaka Vs Tokyo.
I'll continue with some specifics

Attached: 1569487758407.jpg (1728x2592, 586.43K)

I know this sounds awful but I kinda envy you and all those things you have achieved.

Here's a video on one of Tokyo's many jazz clubs
youtu.be/1-9RMSbl_Uo
And an example of the many free museums that seem to defy western logic. Teaches you about animation. The creator of Gundams desk. How to do VA work, and the works and signatures of Japan's many animators. Absolutely free
Its surprisingly affordable. I spent about 30$ a night at my hostel and had a private room. Find picture attached

Attached: FpLA6.png (625x440, 22.11K)

youtu.be/Ek5NttmZa3g
Forgot to link the museum
Room is super tiny but you get what you pay for

Attached: 0233f9dec5eec9ac7a1521085b67b86c.jpg (1024x768, 69.83K)

(continuing)

My father's passing represents like a second story arc. To give you some context, my father was a politician, and a pretty important one at that, which is part of the reason why I'm so much into politics. But I was very little when he was actually in politics and barely remember that. My mother, my sisters and I basically live off of my dad's pension. We didn't live in over the top luxury or anything, but did live pretty comfortably.

My father had long divorced my mother and married a woman that could basically be my sister (like 10 years older than me though). Although I had a good relationship with her as a kid (at like 12 or something) as I grew up she regularly showed how much of a bitch she was, and our relation grew pretty sour as years went by.

My father got sick in some weird circumstances, and my step mother acted kinda shady about it. He lived in another town (which is an hour away by plane) and he had a stroke exactly in new year's eve. I was spending new year with my mother's family so I wasn't with him, and I spoke to him on the phone mere hours before he had the stroke. However, my lovely stepmother didn't call me or my sisters to inform us until January 2nd. When she finally answered the phone it seemed like she didn't want us to go visit dad at the hospital in the town he was in, and made it seem as if the situation was fine and controlled (it was not).

Then, the only source of income we had was our dad, so me and my sisters had to ask our stepmother to send us money to take plane to go visit dad immediately but she refused. We had to ask an uncle to lend us the money. until we finally managed to travel.

After the funeral and all, my and my sisters were staying at our father's house (and old big house that our grand parents had literally built from the ground up). We were staying there with our dear step mother, who seemed pretty casual about the whole ordeal. She had her friends come in and laugh with her and all. (continuing)