How you been doing? Write what you wish you could say. I'll read it

I always though I got that image of kaiji in which tonegawa says that "those kind of people" just realize they were living their real lives when they are about to die. But no. 24 years wasted, my life has been a failure and it took this long for me to realize it, and I am not sure I can turn things around. All that time lost, older and way more stupid, I should just day, being born was a mistake.

I turn 20 in two weeks. I'm in the foster care system, been passed around different homes like a virus since 2011-2012, after that I'll have one more year before I can no longer stay in the system. Finding a job was harder than I thought and that was before chinese plague came around. Been locked away in my room, only got a GED, no real direction with where I want to be in life or how to even be a functioning adult. Basically I guess what I'm saying is I'm scared. Walls are closing in now and I got to act fast, I know this.

It was today. I was talking with a new friend of mine(if I can call them that) who was not in a good place. They brought up some feelings they had on a subject and me being the idiot I am attempted to invalidate their feelings because I couldn't grapple with the idea of someone feeling the way they did because it went against my view of the world. I did it under the guise of wanting to help them come to terms with some problems they're facing but deep down I know I was being selfish.
Sorry if that's vague, I'm still not over it. I'll probably wrestle with the disappointment I feel for myself all night.

>They brought up some feelings they had on a subject
what was the feelings or the subject?

They use r9k, I can't be any more specific on the topic. I would hate for them to see this because I know it would only hurt them more and subsequently hurt me more.
all thats important is I gave advice and pressed someone on something when I had no place doing so.

Fine, the problems I have are all made up shit and I should stop taking quarantine as an excuse for them

>17
>girlfriend cheated on me with a fuckboy
>no friends
>stuck inside with crazy parents
>suicidal
>probs no future

I feel lost

>17
you don't understand what real feelings are yet user
you don't know what real problems are yet user
this sadness you feel is nothing compared to what you'll feel in your later years.
please stop posting here. not only is it not good for you but also you're supposed to be 18.
just move on, you're not even a quarter of your way through life yet.

so emotions aren't real till a certain age? you're plain delusional user

I really miss my ex best friend/other half and im having a hard time accepting hes gone, he kind of abandoned me for a new best friend who is his roommate. they're fuckbuddies too. we've known each other since we were 12 and there's so many fucking inside jokes and stories and just personal lore related things I keep wanting to message him about that would make 0 sense to anyone else because the almost decade of context isn't there. I've almost completely stopped messaging him because I realized he never texts first anymore, it was always just a healthy mix of whoever got out of class/off work first but now it's just me trying to keep his attention and it feels really bad. it's a really really lonely feeling that's kind of humbling because I was always so sure I was content with just having one close friend to confide in and otherwise being alone. Now I have no one and im just bottling up all my rants and vents and photos of my pets and plants and doodles, things we used to send to each other. why do these things happen? did all the time not matter to him as much as it did to me?

inb4 he left because I lead him on or something- we met as kids, briefly dated as teens, he broke it off

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every thought i have immediately associates with a negative experience

people tell me if i regret or am embarrassed by an experience, it means i've grown

i keep making more humiliations every week

i'm so tired of collecting failures...

>Wake up
>Tremendous boner
>Fap
>Now feel deep pain inside my shaft that won't go away
Why am i here, just to suffer?

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My life is really boring, I volunteered to be laid off this week for chink flu downsizing at my factory job. I wanna have kids but women don't like me and I don't have enough free time to do it solo

I just want someone to love me. I have felt sparks of this feeling and they alone were enough to give my life meaning. I want to stop being cynical, anxious, and depressed. I want someone to look up to me. I want a girl to compliment me and make me feel like she really does love me and won't leave me if I open up or make a mistake, but who will love me for who I am. I want a girl who will stand on her toes, smiling with sparkling eyes, and kiss me, one who lean against me, who will bury her little physique in my chest and arms. I want to feel love before I grow up. I want to have a sweetheart, who is nice to me, and with whom I can drop the facade. I want someone who is true with me, who I can be true with... I want to stop feeling so utterly alone and to feel together with someone.

youtube.com/watch?v=g3pVvykZnE0

I wish you could put your ear up to my heart
And hear how much I love you
I wish you could put your ear up to my heart
And hear how much I love you

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For what you wrote, I look up to you, robot. Attitudes like yours are what makes beauty happen.

I feel nothing, and there's no reason why. I've just felt miserable for past month, but I don't know why. Maybe it's that I've never been in a true relationship is finally starting to get me after all.

I doubt it, don't fall for the quarterlife-crisis meme. You should check whether your body has been taken care of, whether you're healthy and whether you've been having a healthy dose of socializing with others and talking about what's on your mind.
Even if not in a romantic relationship, the love your friends and what you consider your family feel for you can easily keep you afloat until the day comes, if you allow them to.

I've been staying healthy, and I talk and play games with friends every night pretty much. I think the worst is that my sleep schedule is really bad.

It means a lot to me that someone, let alone on this board, would say that these thoughts of mine are anything other than foolish. I've made a lot of mistakes in the past, and I realised that the main one is that I've always been removed, if not completely dishonest. I have been betrayed so much that it's like sticking my hand in a flame for me to open up. It's less painful if I stay callous. But now I'm realising that I can't keep living like this. Loneliness is the root of the worst unhapiness. It's better to try and fail than to die without have ever even attempted. In any case, this thread is the first time I've expressed these thoughts, albeit the fact that it's of course anonymous. Thanks user

If you see that problem, why not try to fix it? Sleeping more might be time consuming, but time spent miserable is time wasted. I usually start thinking about such things too when I'm tired, because when you can barely think, your brain resorts to seeking someone's company to feel rest.