I defeated my social anxiety, lost my virginity a few months ago at 28, have tons of girls that wanna fuck me right now. Still im so fucking insecure that i come here regularly just to feel better comparing myself with the people here.
I think thats the last frontier for me to start really being a normalfag, what the hell should i do to stop acting like a piece of shit
>I defeated my social anxiety,
How?
Such nice tits ruined by tattoos.
Chick in the video is dumb af.
Doubt he'll tell you.
He already said he comes here to feel better about himself by comparison. Why would a narcissist like this care to help you out?
>. Why would a narcissist like this care to help you out?
well i guess im not such a narcissist because i made countless threads here trying to help people with social anxiety
3 years ago my social anxiety was so crippling, that i couldnt talk to anyone, couldnt even order a coffee at a bar. I forced to expose myself to social situations, embarassed myself million times and slowly i was getting comfortable with those situations and with myself, im still a shy guy but i dont give a fuck and noones does when i go silent, i accepted my personality.
I dont have an obsessive personality , so alcohol helped me inmensely to make the first step in a lot of situations that stressed me out, i remember i used to have two or three beers in a bar just to go get an haircut, its a bad advice for most because people can start abusing it , but if you think you can just take it to have a little push do it, after a while those social situations wont scare you at all.
The ultimate move was to get a job in a supermarket as a cashier, hundreds of forced social interactions in a controlled enviroment every day where you can just go back to be "the cashier" at any moment sped up the process like crazy. At first the anxiety was killing me, after two days, it was almost completely gone and i kept pushing boundaries. One month later i was already fucking a coworker after my gf broke up with me. Not saying it to brag, but for someone like me, that couldnt even look into the eyes of my friends girlfriends its a life changing step
good for you. sounds like you did almost the exact same things i did but just a bit later. glad to hear you made it out op. insecurity is something you need to work at that im afirad i cant give a simple answer as a fix. just keep moving forward and stop thinking of yourself or anyone else as these retarded internet terms of normalfag or incel or whatever. youve made some progress try and be happy
This. Working cashier jobs is unironically a speedrun towards achieving a degree of social competence. It has to be a cashier job specifically, not a sales assistant or shit like that.
thank you user, to be honest im more confident about myself now that ive ever been, but i analyze my behaviour and i still see some things i do that tell me the opposite. I will just keep trying to move forward, in two years i feel like a different person, who knows how i would be in another 2.
Also , since you went through a similar thing, i sometimes feel that i comprised my lost teenage years and experiences into just one where i went through all the shit that you are supposed to go when you are maturing but like in a cheaper faker way, also being 27 or 28 i thing i handled them differently , but i dont know if for better or worse. you felt that way also?
In one single year, i had 3 girlfriends, one of them kind of cheated on me, fell in love with other one and she dumped me and the other i had to cut contact because i didnt love her the way she did, i thoght i was a robot with no emotions for all my life and now i feel so vulnerable and like a sentimental jelly, i dont know how to control m feelings sometimes, and i dont want to get scarred for life.
thats a good mindset to have and being self aware is always a good thing too. its hard but hopefully confidence leads to loving yourself. loving yourself is actually based. i went through those kinds of things in my early 20s so even though i wasnt a teen i rationalized it by thinking i was still a reckless college student. i wouldnt consider any relationship you go through fake or cheap unless youre strictly going out to get laid and move on. and even then sometimes a one night stand can be fun for both parties and help you be more confident. i did have issues thinking i was in love or at least felt deeply about the first few girls i hooked up with or went out with because i was so inexperienced and it was amazing having someone else be attracted to me and interested in me. these are just words but im sure that as you move forward youll learn what love means for you personally and have better control on feelings for another person. its a learning progress and maybe youre a tiny bit late to the party at 28 but youre still in it user. use every relationship that didnt work out for whatever reason as a learning experience
Sounds good.
Though I'm still figuring out ways to "get out of my shell" since I'm stuck in a routine that doesn't do me any good.
I used to go to the gym before lockdown happened, got many social gains there but I'm relapsing into isolation now and I have an office job (which I do at home) which doesn't help at all if you want to practice social things.
I had some plans to meet new people since I really don't know anyone but my parents and the handful of colleagues at work but all of that got messed up when the government decided to close down every social venue. It's driving me insane as I feel like I must do something to change but I don't have a clue anymore as to what I can do. If anyone has any tips to get "out there" with the new lockdown ruleset, I'm all ears.
I'm 27 and really need to get something going and get a social network as I don't like the prospect of growing old and alone.
>One month later i was already fucking a coworker after my gf broke up with me
so wait you had a crippling anxiety and a gf? i call bullshit
>i did have issues thinking i was in love or at least felt deeply about the first few girls i hooked up with or went out with because i was so inexperienced and it was amazing having someone else be attracted to me and interested in me
yeah, exactly what happened to me, the second girl, the one that dumped me, i was so deeply in love with her and i idealized her so much, that i put an incredible amount of pressure over myself to be on her level that then was transferred to her to the point where she couldnt handle it anymore. I think that was a terrible mistake due to my inexperience and naivety. It still bothers me a lot , she was a good girl, but as you said, being this late to the party no girl this age wants to deal with a 28 year old guy with an emotional intelligence of a teenager when it comes to relationships,. Still im happy that it happened because i learned from it and i wont let it happen again.Thank you for your kind words by the way user
with the lockdown situation is complicated , but my advice is , now or after the lockdown ends, try to be at home as little as possible and put yourself in tricky situations that cause you discomfort and that you cannot run away from them. If you need to make a big change in your life and leave your office job, or change your city do it , beating social anxiety is like being born again, even if you are an introverted like me that, the amount of comfort and peace of mind it gives you makes everything worth it. The sooner you start with changes , the better.
After doing it myself, im still looking for ways to put me in uncomfortable situations all the time, and i end up surprising myself about my performance every time, its a nice feeling, it will happen to you. I almost got a job in a totally different country a few months ago, and im almost certain that i wont end up the year living in this city, its nice to be able to comfront your anxiety with your rational side.
>so wait you had a crippling anxiety and a gf? i call bullshit
Well at that time i was way better, but the relationship still went to shit because of my anxiety. She really tried hard and was really patient for more than a month to seduce me, in the relationship the anxiety was killing me so badly that i lost 8 kilos in two months
not really, in his story he was 25+ and working a job in a social setting... when you are going out in public every day at that age you can get a gf by osmosis if your not hideous.
man the only real reason i stop by this board once in a while is to try and help or offer insight to other anons who might have been similar to me in the past and its refreshing to run into someone whos positive about the turnaround. take care op, im sure youll find love soon
bur he said over that month his relationship got bad, and that he started with coworker later, so he must have had the girlfriend before that so either 1) he did not have a girlfriend 2) he did not have anxiety and he's bullshitting us
no, not over that month, started with my cashier job just after she dumped me to get distracted becausei was getting severely depressed and drinking all day, maybe i didnt explain myself right.
>started with my cashier job just after she dumped me to get distracted because
which makes it even weirder? like how do you even acquire a girlfriend if you're too anxious to go to a barber (I'm in the same boat btw I'm just curious how would you even manage to get a girlfriend)
thank you user, really. You really make me optimistic about my future, thanks for sharing your experiences
not OP but dont 'acquire' a girlfriend. make yourself THE boyfriend
you just confuse me
met her at a bar through common friends, she was really stubborn with me, i am shy and weird but im a fairly attractive guy, she liked me, she really tried really really hard , i was rejecting her because i was scared to death. Writing me and calling me every single day even, at one point i started to really like her so i bit the bullet.
So the answer, i literally had to do anything , she threw herself at me
>im so fucking insecure that i come here regularly just to feel better comparing myself with the people here.
Only reason I am here.
damn lucky, maybe if I had started going out, but I'm too anxious for that shit, I been meaning to eat fast food for like 2 years at one place and it wasn't until recently when I walked past it that ?I went when there were 0 people inside and I still almost spilled my spaghetti ordering, I fucking hate myself
>I went when there were 0 people inside and I still almost spilled my spaghetti ordering, I fucking hate myself
Dont hate yourself, just go and do it again, and then a third time, the more you embarass yourself, the more you wont give a fuck the next time when you see that nothing really happens and that noone cares.
For your anxiety about going out, is basically the same, it will be hard as hell i guarantee you that, but every time you go out is a small step. After a while you will realize that the entire world doesnt revolve about you and that noone really gives a shit about how you talk and how you order, exactly the same as you do with other people.
It's ok user. They're happy to have your business. You have every right in the world to walk in the joint and order food to eat. They would serve a stoned street nigga and his friends, so why wouldn't they serve you, a completely normal dude?
Nice to hear how you handle things so well.
I just seem so scared of everything, but the only way to get rid of that is to confront yourself, right?
Maybe it's time I turn my life around, getting another job might be the change I need, I really don't like office work to begin with but I need the money so I always stick with it and too afraid to take a leap in a whole new direction.
Anyone, I wish you luck, I'll do whatever I can to find a way out of this hole. I do constantly feel like I'm late to everything and missing out but I guess I'll just have to recollect myself and find my way into life.
I know it's simple in theory but getting over it is hard but I guess incremental steps would help
it's not about whether they want to do business with me or not, it's about being judged, like I'll be standing there looking at the menu when everyone that goes there knows the menu, I'll be ordering maybe saying something wrong, maybe I'll say something unusual, maybe I'll look nervous, people will be staring at me, thinking what a weirdo I am and so on, and it's not just fast food joints, imagine a barber, you go there, you have describe what you want, what if you describe it wrong, what if you make it sound weird, what if they'll think what you want is stupid, and so on, I feel it's all perceiving everyone around you as judgmental
>I just seem so scared of everything, but the only way to get rid of that is to confront yourself, right?
Yes, thats the only way. The only reason you are scared is because your anxiety makes you be madly in love with those 5000 complex fictional out of reality bad outcomes for every situation you imagine yourself in. Reality is way more simple.
Thank you user, and good luck also, you wont recognize yourself in a year , i promise.
But they won't judge you. They're just there to give you service and take your money in return. They honestly, genuinely don't care about the other stuff. They serve countless people every day and within 2 minutes of you leaving they will forget about you forever.
You hear tons of stories from anxious people about the crippling fear they feel that they'll be told something nasty, but how often do you hear they actually WERE told something? Probably never, or almost never, because it doesn't happen.
>it's not about whether they want to do business with me or not, it's about being judged, like I'll be standing there looking at the menu when everyone that goes there knows the menu, I'll be ordering maybe saying something wrong, maybe I'll say something unusual, maybe I'll look nervous, people will be staring at me, thinking what a weirdo I am and so on, and it's not just fast food joints, imagine a barber, you go there, you have describe what you want, what if you describe it wrong, what if you make it sound weird, what if they'll think what you want is stupid, and so on, I feel it's all perceiving everyone around you as judgmental
what you are describing is exactly what i was talking about here > The only reason you are scared is because your anxiety makes you be madly in love with those 5000 complex fictional out of reality bad outcomes for every situation you imagine yourself in. Reality is way more simple.
What really happens is , the guy working there while you are looking at the menu is probably thinking about what he would do when his shift ends. And when you order he is just focusing on doing his job correctly, not about how you ordered or if you are nervous, noone really gives a damn. You will realize after some time
And yeah, do it in incremental steps, but dont avoid anything that scare you, you will see how capable you really are even if you fuck it up a lot of times before that.