"Just go out daily bro"

You need meds, just to hold you over til you're able to fix it
I think if you had medicine to improve your mood you might be able to pick yourself up, get interests, and make friends

Can I try to be your friend? I don't have any friends at all atm and i'm not a good talker but i'll try, you seem relatable because I want to die despite trying to improve myself.

you can add me if u want ig
forgotti#3987

I never had any dream even as a kid, interests? I had the same ones, but i still don't enjoy them

Sometime i listen to music/watch stuff related to my childhood, it makes me happy because it remind me of a time where i was naive and dumb, self-awareness and growing up sucks

I don't hate my family but i don't like it either, if you are dead what happens after doesn't matter, and even if you were turned in a ghost and were to see what would happen it would be like they mourn you for some weeks then forget about you life goes on

I don't trust psychiatrist and meds for what anyway? I'm not ill and my mood was always like that, i mean that i always deluded my self in thinking i liked things but in reality it was all vein all fake, and i still was never able to fit in

No thanks, i still remember when my dear "friend" used to call me a retard, or calling me not a human being, i don't care about insults from randoms but from people i care about it really hurts

Online friendship seems like a meme, and on this board its just people who have anime girl avatar hoarding a bunch of people while stuttering to make them seem likable, manipulating people in thinking they are their friend while they are doing it with bunch of other people

No different than what people call "normie girls" yet its the behavior of most users, even thought they are all "robot" males

We don't share any kind of interest also, making a friendship over nothing unless its real (physical contact) seems dumb. I'm still thinking about my old "friend" for the moment its been months but i'm still missing him ...

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What did you want as kid? Could be any kind of fantasy

>if you are dead what happens after doesn't matter
This is naive in my mind. Every action has consequences, which can also happen to go beyond the scope of yourself.

>meds for what anyway?
Meds in this case would just be for allowing you to get up and move rather than be depressed all day. The way I think of it is like a cane or something for physical therapy. You use it to support yourself while you get better rather than just relying on it forever

One stupid thing that improved my life was getting an electric shaver. I fucking HATED the idea of standing in front of a mirror shaving cream shave face over three times miss spots cut face etc.

Now to shave my face all i have to do is stand above a trash can and rub an electric razor across my face and i always feel clean shaved too. Before i used to just walk around with an ugly ass caveman beard and hate it but was always too lazy to shave it now Im more clean shaved and from there i started shaving my pubes

None really, i'm not even being deceptive , maybe having friends (thats my fantasy/dream actually)

Every action has consequence but who said i cared about? I'm a human not jesus, everyone egocentric and for themselves why would i change?

But i'm not depressed user, you think i don't smile or i'm not happy? Sure i cry sometime, but its the back of the coin and suicidal thoughts are only natural when you realize its a easy way out and that we don't have much value

They have too much side effect anyway, depression is overdiagnosed its kinda hard trusting psychiatrists in this case

Oh god I see a lot of me in you but I'm just 1 year younger. Being apathetic about everything is pretty much like being a Undead just waiting to cease existing. Personally I cannot give you any advice 'cuz it seems that you only connect to people in person but you always end up getting hurt, and I think that there's no way to avoid that.
You should accept the fact that in any kind of relationship you'll always be exposed.

I'm going to lose weight and properly thin which will hopefully give me the confidence I need to get a job. If that doesn't work I'll finally feel free to kill myself. Right now I don't think I'll ever be happy.

>I'm a human not jesus, everyone egocentric and for themselves why would i change?
This is why the world is awful. People recognize the flaws but refuse to change them in their own character even if they've been on the wrong side of things. Constantly perpetuating a cycle of suffering.

>still remember when my dear friend used to call me a retard

similar thing like that too me happened, always have fake shitty friends and can't connect to anyone, recently ghosted one of my friends and just feel really shitty lonely and wanting to die, i understand you don't wanna add, just hope things go well for you user.

I can connect with people online, somehow but its only one way lol because no matter what i do, people will always leave me alone

A ton of fat people have friends and jobs, i don't know if that will really change your life

I'm not smart enough to discuss this topic but i tried to change but i couldn't, i don't know if most people are able to change really or not or if they will stay this way untill their death

Why do you ghost someone you like? It makes no sense. Fake friend how would you know? If you have interest, a normal life maybe he was a real friend

I regret my old friend, he was nice to me but i think it was fake, who know he doesn't care about me anymore unless i would write my name on a cut and kill myself to get him to laugh or something, thats all i'm good to if i think about it ...

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>unless i would write my name on a cut and kill myself to get him to laugh or something, thats all i'm good to if i think about it ..
Ok if you self-harmed for the amusement of your "friend" a I think you should seek professional medical attention, I mean you could always not take the meds but you can still take out something useful about it.

You misunderstood me i meant that unless i do something that would give him sense of superiority, he wouldn't want to talk to me

I don't know why i miss him, i still miss him i tried to forget about him but i keep missing him i want it to stop, i want to forget about him he was an evil man

It takes a really big change in lifestyle to try and fix yourself. For me it was joining the military. It's tiresome reading other people's life stories so I won't post mine, but just know once you make that big life change (one that will end up making a positive influence on your life, don't opt for a negative one even if you feel like you might deserve bad things, one that will force you out of your comfort zone and face extreme adversity, over a relatively long period of time) things won't immediately be perfect. You will still struggle a lot. Don't give up immediately if you can't connect with others, relationships build up slowly and it may take time for you to attach feelings to others. The biggest step is to go outside and interact with others regularly on some level. You'll have to do the work, and it may end up one sided at the beginning, but eventually you will mold an identity for yourself and find yourself more within the confines of reality and less deluded. Realize as well that you're gonna fuck up socially, a lot, and realize that it's not the end of the world if things don't go the way you want them to.

20 is too young to call it quits just yet. Start earlier rather than later before the real bring of the decay starts hitting (trust me, you haven't experienced it yet and you don't want to.) Try to visit Zig Forums less as well. I can't really give you anything else but "normie advice." The biggest step r9k fails to follow is just forcing themselves to go outside and do shit, even if it feels utterly soul wrenching. Also, don't expect instant gratification. Shit will have to suck extra bad for months if you truly want to get better.

Good luck user, try not to be a defeatist.

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You sound like a fucking girl that left his abusive boyfriend but she wants him back.
I maybe kinda understand that being with "evil" people can fuck you up, but crying over missing that fucking "evil" man is retarded.
I don't know how much you're fuck up but now you sound like a faggot.

There is nothing lost and nothing gained in death, so no matter what you choose nothing matters.
I used to want friends when people kept telling me that I wasn't living a healthy social lifestyle but when I was finally separated from those people I found that I didn't even desire friends. I wanted them to stop badgering me about it, and I presumed getting friends would get people to stop nagging me.
I have never been more content with my life. I have nothing to share with others in reality. If I gave sincere answers to their mundane questions people would pity me and/or keep questioning where I'm going with my life. There is no sincerity I can share with another human being that doesn't result in a negative turn. I'm unwanted, and that's perfectly fine. Instead of confiding in another human being, I confided to myself.
Consider that your desire for friends may just be imprinted by people that do not know any better, because that is what they are supposed to do. They say we are social animals, that we cannot live contented or even happy lives without talking to others. I have lived a few years in the past under social isolation, even without talking to friends online. I was as content then as I am now talking online to others like you. People don't even register with me on an emotional level, I feel no bonds. By all "normie" logic, I should be a depressed wreck. Yet here I am, living for whimsy's sake.

What I am getting at with this tirade is that you should not subscribe to normal, society-approved methods of happiness unless you know for a fact that you want it, rather than them. You have to think outside the box if you truly have nothing. I have nothing to look forward to myself, but I'm confident that is simply how life is. You can do everything right and still fail. It's rather cruel and unfair no? That's why I just float through life.

yall niggas have your main hobby as vidya or watching youtube/tv, this means you're next to your computer 20 hours a day, no wonder why you're depressed. Vidya also starts to become less and less enjoyable when you get into your 20s. for most people at least.

Also, people say stuff like that because it can legitimately help in some cases OP, I'm sorry if it didn't work for you, but when i got a job, i was able to buy shit for myself and even provide for my family, and that made me felt better, when i lost weight and got a new haircut, It was awesome to be able to go out and not feel that anxiety where you think everyone is watching your fatass waddle around. and that made me feel better.

I get what you mean, things gets better on the outside but not on the inside i feel like i will always be an "outcast" for some reason who is unable to bond with other people, being their friends and always the dumb guy around

Its more about being realistic than defaist

You know nothing of my relationship with him, i used to like him and thought of him as my dear friend but he backstabbed and was just using me to get a laugh

I never felt this humiliated in my life do you understand? Without him i'm nothing, he considered me as his fucking pet him ... i still can't get over it i know this sounds faggish as hell but he was sweet at first

I used to think like you, because i have problems getting along with other it might be that maybe i didn't want to deal with them and i was fine alone ... but then i befriended someone and i was the happiest i could ever been, everytime they would say "good morning/night" to me it was like a rainbow showing up in the sky everyday it was the best

I go out often, take walks but i find myself dysfunctional because when i try to talk to people, they are always with their friends, it seem like if you are out of your teenage years its impossible to even make friends

I used to make buddies on video games before , like in 2010 i don't recall it being hard but now it seem very hard because everyone attention span seem lowered and people less empathic/kind its like the anime girl discord hoarder on Zig Forums but everyone like that instead

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I don't have trouble getting along with people. It's as simple as using wordplay and wit instead of allowing desperation and depression rule. As I said, I am incapable of experiencing connections with others. I know what a connection feels like, I confided in my shadow-self when I mentally split. I imagine them as a separate person, yet they are simply a "me" given my knowledge at a better time of development. My savage shadow kicks my ass out of bed when my depressive ticks start up rather than letting me rot in my bed. He is more of a friend than any other human being before and after him.
Real people are distant and offer nothing more than pleasantries, yet I have more sincerity from myself. I don't see how a person could be elated by a greeting so shallow.