Went to ask my mom about the meds she took while she was pregnant with me

Why did you lack seeing the rest of your family? I personally never liked family gatherings. I'm only kind of fine with my mom's immediate family, but don't interact with dad's family at all, despite living nearby. He said he wants to show me where my recently deceased grandfather is buried, but I couldn't care less. My cousins once removed from mom's side are a bunch of village folk, borderline gopniks that I've nothing in common with at all. While the ones from dad's side are successful, well-adjusted people studying in foreign universities who think going to the theater is an entertaining way to pass time. My little cousin who's still in high school is finishing his driver's ed, while I haven't even considered starting. And people always thought I had way more potential than any of them. Serves those idiots right for believing in me ha ha ha! What a bunch of losers. At least you're on the right path. I'm sure your parents are proud of you for managing to at least push through and not letting whatever's plaguing your family get to you too much.
Do you relate to both of your parents to that extent? Considering you call them both autistic. Sure, my dad's a hard worker and somewhat intelligent, but I don't see much of him in me. We aren't very similar and he'll never understand why I'm the way I am.
My mom had me when she was 20 or something. But you're right about the career stuff. One consistent early memory from my childhood is her by her desk just covered in books and documents, always studying for some exam or something. My aunt isn't the schizo, it's another relative. She was warded for attempted suicide though. Wonder how her kid will turn out. She's a stay at home mom, so she's definitely more involved.

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Because we live far away, 90% of them are in another state so it's a 6 hour drive to get there, i only ever see them once a year though as i got older that has being happening less and less, i do wonder how much of a difference it would've made being over there and having all these other people that i have some connection to would make a difference, they are all nice people especially from mothers side and my cousins over there are doing fine, my mom is always telling me how much of a lazy shithead i am compared to them, i think it would've given me some base social life i would always have because they are my family so it probably would've helped with my upbringing but i don't know, i can only theorize, i did used to enjoyed going over there to see them when i was a kid because i was friends with a cousin my age, never grew up with any of them so that went away and it's just awkward now on the rare occasion i do go there, i would have enjoyed being able to spend time in my grandmas house, they are poor as shit but there is the most contact with nature i can have since they live in the middle of the fucking jungle in a shit shack, it's always full of dogs and kittens there which i like. Yea i think that pattern of the mothers side being the nicer, humbler and overall less successful and the fathers side being the more snob, rich and successful side is not that uncommon, something about incel ideology and females marring up, i know in my case that is literally what happened with all my moms sisters and the brothers never had children. I'm also pretty much the worst one on both sides of the family, well, except that one cousin that did try to kill my aunt but he was doing fine before that, a lot of them are married already, have business or just overall great life achievements and a healthy life, i even got one that got married and is now living in Scotland which is sort of uncommon in my family.

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i don't give a fuck though, i openly tell my mom i hate life and i'm lazy and don't want to work and that life is compromised of things i don't want to do, she did say to me just yesterday i got to wagie to heal my mind when i was asking about the meds, that's how she thinks. I'm not sure how proud they are all things considered, i'm sure they are glad i'm at least keeping up, i'm not like the rest in my family in sense that my mom and dad are completely on the opposite sides of the mental unwellness coin, it's bizarre that i turned out as well as i did being the spawn of chaos.
I do relate with them somewhat, i don't know much of what they are like with other people to be honest but both of them are friendless people with 0 connections so that's that, maybe i could pick some things out but it's very hard to, i don't know much about them neither do them about me, being a personality mutt with the weird mix of them both probably doesn't help, it's probably just the way it supposed to be with parents and son relantionship, i do care about them anyway, mostly my mom.
Not to make fun of but i do imagine your mom as a stereotype.

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Living in the middle of the jungle in a shack sounds kind of comfy, especially if you manage to be self-sufficient, which I imagine is easier in tropical climates. Got me thinking of those primitive technology channels on YouTube. Though I'm not a huge fan of that kind of weather, still the idea is appealing. We're in for new heat records this summer. No idea how I'll fare if I don't get to escape to Norway. Is the weather pretty much the same year-round where you live? I do share the sentiment regarding spending time in grandma's home. By the way, do you live in the city? I've always lived a bit away from people, but I'm still essentially a suburbanite. I think that's what Americans call "gentrification".
What's the story behind your cousin trying to kill your aunt? What's he suffering from? Can't imagine how you reconcile after something like that. Do you hate him for it?
Well, I don't really know the story behind how my parents met. I think they just knew each other since high school, though their families are from different parts of the country.
How are they on the opposite ends of the spectrum? I thought you said they're both "autistic"?
>personality mutt
Kek. That's a nice term to coin. Damn, Brazil's identity complex goes all the way down to personalities of individual people.
Well, it's pretty much expected that it's how boomers see mental illness. You just need to "work" through it. I was about to say that she should at least be somewhat more understanding because of the mental health history of your whole family, but then I remembered my aunt giving me shit for being miserable and telling me to go out and party, despite her being the one who tried to an hero. People can lack perspective to ridiculous degree.
>Not to make fun of but i do imagine your mom as a stereotype.
What stereotype?

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It's comfy over there, it's five or 6 people living together in a small poorly build exposed brick house, there's a few gardens of lettuce and other things, they got a chicken coop, there's some ducks and gesse around as well and there was a goat, my uncle has a clay pit and a big furnace there and he makes bricks for a living all with things he build himself, plus he was building a house on the same property for him to live in i think, i'm not sure how that's going, it is impressive and it is very reminiscing of what you're thinking, very nice place, it's always cool with all the trees around, i never been there for more than a few hours and it is a shit hole, they probably keep all the cats and dogs around to keep all the rats and whatever else from entering the house since it's very open and literally doesn't have doors to the outside. Where i am is pretty much very hot almost year round except in one period which is happening right now it's 21c right but supposely it should get be 4c sometime, it is blistering hot most of the time and i do live in the middle of the city with little nature around anywhere, things are build differently here than they are over there, everything is just packed and glued together so it's even more of a city hellscape, you can imagine how bad it is, pic related. From the pics you take it all looks so nice with little construction around, makes me seethe a little bit.
I don't care about my aunt, she's not even part of the family, she's one of the many divorce wives from one of the uncles i mention before and my cousin is what came out of that marriage, it was something like gaslighting him or something like that, i'm not sure, i'm more on the side of cousin but i don't care anyway, i don't know any of them but from what i gather he's the victim and he was being messed with by his mother for sometime before all that.

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>I thought you said they're both "autistic"
To put it in simple terms my mom side of things edge towards being suicidal while my dads side edge towards being homicidal, they both are weird people so it's not like one being normal and one not being.
>nice term to coin
It is, i think i'm a pretty weird case even amoung the hordes of mutts, it's probably just too much self importance though.
Yea i don't anyone in my family cares whether you have any mental illness or not and rather you to just hide it well and not let it affect you, even my schizo uncle i'm pretty sure people would rather not mention whatever it is and just ignore it, they just see it as an inconvenience, if he's having a fit or does some weird stuff they just ignore it from what my mom told me, if it gets too bad you just get sent to the ward, it's a simple "be normal" sort of thinking.
>What stereotype?
This one on the left.

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My mom gaped my ass also I hate niggers

The concept of living in a place so warm year-round that you can actually do fine without having a door in your home is weird to me. It's a simple change, but one that seems to lead to an entirely different pace of life. Everything here is so dependent on the seasons. The food you eat, the clothes you wear, heating the home, even your mood when sunset can vary between 16:00 and 22:00 throughout the year. I've been a neet for so long, I forgot the hell that's waking up in the middle of the night and walking out in -20C weather to go to school, all while trying your hardest not to slip on ice and fall. Even worse in Norway when sun doesn't truly go down in summer. I'm sure all these differences have some effect on how people are. I've been to southern countries and everything seems so open (down to architecture) and the people are too.
I remember that picture. Looks so bleak and cold. I could swear it was taken in eastern Europe. Some places here are just awful, especially the commieblocks. I'm sure I'd hate this country more if I actually had to live in one.
There's definitely some construction going on all over the place. It used to be more of an agricultural land, but now it's an expanding suburb. Except people build houses randomly all over the place. Technically it's still a village just because they voted against joining the city for tax reasons, though I live even farther outside the village itself in a place that has a census population of 7 people. So, my family is almost half of all the inhabitants lel.

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>homicidal
Is there anything else besides what your cousin did?
Yeah, so it's the sort of mental health culture that's common in poorer countries. It's the same here. You bottle it up and as a result we've one of the highest suicide rates in the world.
>that pic
Kek. Damn roasts don't know how to be trad these days. She actually does know how to cook quite well. Was into baking when she had more time and was the one to introduce me to all the weird foreign things. I actually prefer her cooking, since she's vegetarian, so she doesn't make any weird Slavic stuff.
But she's not nearly that serious. Like I said, I take much of my personality from her. The main difference is just that she's not a neet loser. Though I don't think I can ever truly match her autism. She's collected thousands of perfectly round rocks one by one to decorate our yard with.
You know, it's been rather easy to talk today. I usually have a pretty hard time writing.

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Yea, it does make it seem like it's one continuous things rather than separate, feels less like a home and more like a structure in the middle of nature, it works because the place itself is nice and far away, inside a city it would just be a crack den, it will never get cold enough for it to be a problem, it's a bad thing in it of itself because i like the cold.
Would you say you preffer a sunny day rather than a cold icy night? Generally people think latter makes you more deppresed and enjoy life less, i can't imagine how it is to weather be real problem because here it isn't a concern, aside from oranges getting more expensive at some times of the year maybe, -20C does sound insane to me, max i've ever experienced is 3C and it was too cold for me, we don't have specialized things for cold weather here like clothes so you'll really feel it when it does get cold, having to wash my face with super cold water after i just woke up is never nice, i still would preffer cold though, i wish it snowed here, were i live is enough to make anyone depressed regardless if it's sunny or not. Yea weather does affect the people, explain some of why scands are more recluse while people where i live are seem as more friendly, i think that there's some DNA aspect to it as well, like people from southern hotter contries evolved to be less self conscious and more outgoing for some reason, like middle easterns and africans so the more south you go the more they will be likely they'll be like that, i'm not sure about architecture though, which country are you talking about? My country is so messed up culturaly that something like that isn't very apparent, in a city it's all closed off though.

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That picture does look comfy to me, the same appeal something like a commie block would have, it's just because of the mist though, when it's normal it's just a shitty gray building in a shitty place with nothing special about it, we do have commieblocks here but everything is so badly spaced out that even that looks worse than what it should be.
Maybe it's the weather but i just don't get it why people over there dislike it so much, i've seen some videos of a dude driving around making a sort of tour in random average places over there and it looks so nice to me, even though it doesn't look as rich as a place like Norway looks like just the fact that there is grass and trees around and everything isn't just one huge compacted mass of concrete makes it great to me, even commieblocks, at least there's some empty space and not just houses on top of houses.
It looks really nice, it must feel like one huge yard with so little people around, isn't it a problem to buy stuff if you live so far away?
They are very weird people, i don't think there anything as apparent as that but things like my aunt calling people shitheads to their face and screaming a lot and getting in fights with my uncle a lot, i have an uncle that called me a son of a bitch over the phone when i was like 5 or 6 and one time i was playing poll with my dad and my uncle and he kept hitting the bat on the wall or whatever making noise and looking at me, i thought he wanted to beat me or something, they are just overall eccentric unhinged people.
You're breaking my misconceptions already, what weird foreign things are you talking about? If it's like that i figure she must be cool as well and not just cold and uncaring as i was imagining, do you figure you care for her similarly to what i do with mine? Also i'm glad you feel that way.

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I only hated the cold for having to wake up really early and go to school. I had a habit of never going to sleep past midnight for years now, so you can imagine how it feels to go outside into the dark in freezing temperatures after 4 hours of sleep. One of these mornings I even managed to get hit by a car like that, though I only got a small bruise. Other than that, I do prefer colder weather. It's +11 now and I'm completely exposed with the windows open and it feels like the perfect temperature. I'd say +18 is the optimal summer t-shirt weather. Cold, gloomy weather will always be the best though. I remember the very first thread I made here was just walking around by a frozen pond, drinking cinnamon coke. It was like -15 that night and I was living alone. I think you'd get used to it after a while, though temperatures this low can feel like your face is being stabbed with needles, you lose control and sensitivity of your fingers and your phone screen won't respond because your hands aren't warm enough. This winter was disappointing, but we actually had some snow not too long ago.
I'm talking about places like Spain, Turkey, Israel. Everything's so bundled up there, it seems like there's no separation between people. They're not very private people. People keep to themselves more around here. Everything here is done in silence. I can't explain it very well, but it seems different in southern countries.

Yea that makes sense, i often would just go to school without sleeping at all, it's exactly what i was talking about when i said washing my face with cold water, i still do usually sleep 6 or 4 and have to wake up early everyday to go to work, it's a pain by itself and i'm usually sleeping in my underwear so having to get out of bed on a cold morning just to go to work makes it 10 times worse, i'm usually out of it for a few hours after waking up anyway so having to do anything really sucks, if i get to stay at home and do things at my own time it isn't any bother, 18 does seem about fine for that so our sense of temperature musn't be that different except that i got not idea how i would handle extreme temperatures. While my frezzer isn't as cold as that it does sound nice and comfy, i'm really hoping i can get around to moving to Europe soon, i only nice thing i get here is rain and i can probably count on my hands the amount of times it rains in the span of a year.
Yea i kind of get what you mean, loud people that don't mind being close or bumbing into each other, i understand what you mean by everything done in silence, for example when i go to the supermaket is always a lot of people barely has any space for the carts, everyone is talking to each other loudly, the staff are talking to other staff making jokes and speaking loudly, people are ordering bread loudly, probably a kid running around, i keep having to dodge people and over all hectic place, i just sort of imagine the opposite of that.

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I don't get why people idolize commieblocks so much. I mean, the few that are renovated do look pretty nice and I've nothing against living in apartments, I just couldn't do it myself because I'm very sensitive to sounds But the majority of them are disgusting relics that stand out like a sore thumb. There's no "soul" to them. In fact, it's usually where the most soulless members of society live. I don't think poverty should be glorified like this. There's nothing culturally significant about them, just an old Soviet relic.
Based aunt saying how it be. But yeah, I'd be afraid of your uncle if I was being threatened like this at that age. I suppose it's clear you aren't too distressed over not seeing them often then.
Well, maybe not too weird, but you need to keep in mind the country didn't have much foreign stuff just 7 years before my birth. So even stuff like olives was an acquired taste (I love olives, by the way). So she'd buy stuff no one else would really think of buying because people are close-minded and don't care about new things. Anything from avocados, mung beans, figs, couscous, dragonfruit etc. And lots of weird moldy cheese from some small Swiss village or something like that. She loves cheese. Now that I thin of it, that may be the reason I grew up being a rather picky eater. I still refuse to eat a lot of traditional local foods.
I don't know how uncaring she truly is. Maybe just not good at expressing empathy. I don't know if I care for her as a person. But take after her so much, she's pretty much the only person around who can potentially understand me. Maybe I should've tried to spend more time with her. Eh. Maybe I've mommy issues? Even the character I'm posting reminds me of her.

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4-6 hours seems so little especially since you also work and study. Are you sure you won't just drop dead soon?
Temperature is also influenced by humidity and wind. It can get pretty windy here sometimes because it's so open.
Are you moving to Europe now? I thought you wanted to go to Canada.
Yes, you're pretty much spot on. No one in the market talks to each other. People just walk around in silence. No idea why'd you want to have a conversation in a store anyway. Seems awkward and inconvenient.

I think there's a comfortably depressing sort of vibe to them, i can't vouch for how it is living in one or the people in it, i much rather not live in one because i just assume that is where the gopniks reside but if they are already placed in a shitty looking city i don't mind the astetic i think it looks nice, especially if they are reasonably far apart with a snowy park under them with a few dead trees, looking at one up close irl probably takes some of the magic away though, it does provide cheap mass housing, i'd much rather have a packed vertical buildings giving some free space to land than having crammed shitty looking houses side by side suffocating everything.
Yea my aunt is pretty nice to me even being the way she is, she gives me a lot of free shit everytime i go there, my uncles not so much they are just assholes for the most part, tha blood related ones at least, i don't like that whole side of the family, they are the sort of people that take advantage of other people, there's always gossip and badmouthing eachother with them, also that uncle that cursed at me is the stereotypical old billionaire, i've never seen him in my life and he stays away from everyone that he's not closely related to, at least he's relatable although i don't know anything about him except that he cursed at me when i was little and that he's crazy much like everyone else.
Do you eat them raw also, i usually do when i'm lazy and just want to eat something, olives and fermented vegetables, blue cheese is pretty good, i usually get some strong cheese to eat when i'm getting drunk, most of the stuff you mentioned is pretty common here but as you would imagine there's a lot of weird and wacky food to buy here, my mom is the one that likes buying this sort of stuff also. I wonder if you do live alone, do you cook your own food too? I usually just eat cooked rice, beans and a salad over here, when there's meat is probably just chicken.

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If your mom is just like you she probably has a loving side she never shows aswell. If you don't care for her maybe you just look up to her or something, i don't know but she's your mom, moms are usually the ones with emotional significance and dads are usually the ones that provide and show how shitty the world is.
I'm fine right because of quarantine but usually it's like that, it's always been like that actually, i usually go one or 2 weeks like that and then there's a day i sleep 12+ hours on the weekend to make up for it, i have a hard time going to sleep even when it's like that, i have an absolute miserable time waking up though, every time, even today i woke up and it took 2 or 3 hours to get out of bed, i go through a phase of half awake and half asleep in the mornings. Yea wind is probably the reason of feeling like needles, i take that over sweating in my jeans inside a car that has being out in the sun for hours any time.
I didn't want to go to Canada, going to Europe has being my life long dream, i just figured Canada was easier from what i've been told but it isn't, i learned that i have a visa free stay in most countries for 6 months and being that i will be a "highly qualified" worker after i'm done with college i can just go over there and try to find a job, problem is getting enough money to live there for 6 months and getting a job of course, it isn't as hard as i was thinking though, if i can get a job in these 6 months in my field it's pretty much smooth sailing from there, if i don't get fired in less than 3 years that is, still i just need the money right now, and the language, and be better qualified so that i can have a higher chance of getting a job.
Yea it does sound nice, i'm not sure they even converse, just mindless normie talk, no one is bothered about the dude talking loudly about how wasted he got the other day while he stack shelves.

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I like wintry, desolate natural landscapes, but buildings never really have a good vibe to them, so if you're going to house people somewhere, might at least have it look acceptable. My town is pretty good looking, but just besides it there's a whole district of ugly commieblocks. In 30 years of independence this country has failed to do much about it. The only reason I don't hate it here is because I never had any experience with all the negatives of living in a post-Soviet state.
You got some interesting family. People either give me books that I never read because I'm supposed some kind of future genius dedicated to science or they don't give me anything at all because I've got enough anyway.
Yeah, raw olives are the best. I just like green ones. Blue cheese is objectively bad though. Yeah, it's common stuff now, but people just didn't develop a taste for it back then. Very few people I know actually like olives. There's hardly any incentive for most people to try different things, so my mom is pretty much the only person in the family who does try. Otherwise I would've been raised entirely on bland Slavic food. Like my grandmother still cooks very blandly despite having access to so much more stuff today. Though some of the Lithuanian dishes she makes are delicious, I give her that. But she hardly uses any seasoning aside from salt and pepper. Yeah, I do cook for myself. Being a neet, I did try to learn how to make some more interesting things. A bunch of curries that I mostly fucked up, also various soups, because I do like soup.

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Do you really care for yours? I really don't know what to think for her. It's been a while since I spoke to her. I mostly ignore her messages. She never gave me much shit for my mental instability, because she feels the same way. And I'm not projecting, because she literally told me so. Still, she managed to overcome it at least on the outside and actually do things in life. She managed to succeed without ever seeking any counseling, so naturally, she assumed I could do the same, especially since I did show a lot of promise at first. I don't really want to toot my own horn, since I'm actually pretty insecure about things and it's a very cringe thing to say, but I was no-effort top of my class kid by some margin in everything from math to creative writing. And in quite a few classes I was better than everyone else by a wide margin. I was even good at sports at one point. So my mom just let me do whatever I wanted. Which wasn't too bad, since I'm not naturally inclined to start smoking and hanging out on the street corner with the gopniks.

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Anyway, I'm not trying to brag, just saying what a massive disappointment I am to her, when taking into account the expectations that were had of me. Yeah, she understood I'm rather socially inept, slow, anxious, even mute and have 0 understanding of social dynamics, but all that was fine as long as I did well in school. Except I didn't. I fucking hated school for all the years I spent there and threw out everything related to it after graduation. All diplomas, medals, books, all my drawings, all my writings. Even a keychain our teacher gave us as a parting gift. Dumb bitch acted all proud of me since I was her only student to be awarded at the end of the year, even though she knew very well that I hated her and her stupid class for forcing me to do math by her stupid arbitrary rules. She never did get me in trouble for skipping so many of her classes though. Maybe knew better not to antagonise me. HA ha ha. Anyway. Sorry for all this stupid ranting. I'm not too humble, am I?
Does this happen because you're so busy with all the work, or is it more because of your awful sleeping habits? Gonna have to fix that if you want to be successful and a valuable member of society. I'm honestly pretty jealous you've such a clear path laid in front of you. Just need to go and take it. I don't know much about housing prices and all, but I don't think saving up enough money for 6 month should be an issue. Is there a specific place in Europe you want to go to?

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Shitty soviet architecture is fairly romanticized for some reason, maybe just the extreme attention of function over form and the sad state of things that it is to just give no shits about anything except cramming as much people as possible with as little cost as possible saving as much space as possible, just everything that it is conceptually, it's just associated with soviet russia and soviet things usually invoke a similar feeling, kind of like listening to an old acostic soviet song but it's a building, a few pictures of them do just look like shit though, i got used to seeing them abandoned and half destroyed in very atmospheric games so that's probably why i like them, though i can see how a bunch of ugly tall buildings next to a nice place can look like shit, out of place and obstruct the view, they do their job very nicely though and if they are filled with people they probably won't do anything about them, over here where i live they are making more of them all the time except they just look like shit here, not like it's making anything uglier, i appreciate them for what they do because i hate the way houses a build here. Most places in the world you can go living without dealing with the parts if you don't have to go there for some reason, even where i am, although i don't think Lithuania is bad at all from what i've seen.
I just get some old clothes that my cousin doesn't use, they are super rich so she always has stuff to give out, i've cologne one time, my family is crazy yes.

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