What is it about this drug ?

Alcohol doesn't really kill you the way other drugs would.and wont send you to an early grave per say. Most alcoholics I know who went to any early grave was because of drunk driving or suicide. But being a drunk is bad. It will destroy relationships and you career especially if you work with machinery. It also wont help your situation with 50k debt.

I become incredibly suicidal. I get too introspective, too nihilistic. I don't really enjoy anything, or look forward to anything. Once my bodily needs are addressed (food water shelter etc), I'm just left with an empty confrontation with existing. I don't know how, or more importantly WHY I should strive to 'fill the time'. I get drawn into very nihillistic states of mind, antinatalism, promortalism, etc, etc. I feel like existing is nothing but a burden and the good in life is nothing over and above the negation of some need, want, lack, deprivation or another.

When I drink, I just get absorbed into movies, music, my laptop for hours on end. I get involved in eating, etc. Sober me wants to put a bullet in his brain and feels it's rational. Life's a burden, cast it off kinda thing. I truly wish I was never born, but when drunk it's like music is good, food is good, life is okay kinda thing, it's like pain relief. But the next morning you awake sober, hungover, and are picking up the broken pieces you shattered further in the night.

In the words of hank hill,
"Don't go blamin' the beer"

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t. low IQ post

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keep coping retard

You sound like you have a high IQ. That could be part of the problem.

Yeah alcohol really alters your brain chemistry. A lot of alcoholics die from suicide nd drunk driving not so much from other issues. My Uncle drank like a fish everyday for years and lived into his 60s I believe before he finally killed himself.
How much you drink per day? What do you drink?
You think you can go cold turkey?

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Bruh ... how you feel on alcohol is how everyone else feels all the time. It's not sobriety that sucks, it's the alcohol tricking you. The alcohol is solving the problem that the alcohol has created. Don't you see the cycle? At first you drank to feel good, now you drink to feel normal. And if you really just wanted to feel normal, you didn't need the alcohol anyway.

A lot of drunk have high IQs. Some of the most famous writers in history were drunks.
I think even Winston Churchill was drunk on brandy by 11am in the morning. It was apart of his daily routine

In a more relaxed and obsessive way, I'm exactly like you, but I don't drink me out: I smoke.
Not gonna vlog my loneliness and desperation after months of breakup and ups and down, now I need to strike my brain down with a couple personal joints before I even try to sleep.

Made me smile, reading OP's post, he seemed to believe any kind of drug could HELP him working or getting shit toghether. You're a bit naive. I tried coke to get some harsh days of work after a music and booze night, tried to overcome it just until home ready to crush and sleep. I don't see how any other drug or booze could ever help somebody, let alone serve as a stick to carry you around. If's meant to be the opposite of that. Drugs will drag you down. The only 2 socially acceptable drugs are weed and coke. One is to get social and hang with friendos, the other is to be taken for a 2 guys only soireè or before having a night of sex with gf.
Every other drug will either be too recognizable on you or bring too many impossible to disguise side effects and will turn yourself into a bum pretty soon.

I can advice you this: weed to get some sleep, hash to get concentrated and get things done, coke when you're done working (if you can afford some good dust) or alternatively to wind out some stress. But given your situation I'd try to make my position @work more.. solid. Work hard for 2-3 months, then you can relapse your cheecks a bit when the boss thinks he's got you inside his "good guys" list.
You're a drug abuser. Hide it properly, always deny, live fast, die fast. And don't think even for a moment "I'm special". That's what basically killed me.

The thing about alcoholism is that your brain is so fucking fucked, you don't even realize how far gone you are till you take a couple days of sobriety for clarity

Recently I cut back from doing just as you do, maybe worse (I would chug a 40 of liquor on lunch break).

A big thing I found helped was adjusting my view of happiness.. I always was racing to the "finish" and would flip shit if something went askew.. now I take a step back and sometimes even laugh at how I would have exploded to that, not very long ago even. Now I work toward my goals with the task at hand in mind, not simply the goal and how I'm not there yet... I've been a lot more productive, and can actually see me achieving some fantastic feats at this rate

I hated myself, but after talking to people about my life and past, this young chick I met during this journey, I realize I've done enough to die right now and be content. Saved lives, helped people, atoned for sins, etc. My life has been a fucking awesome ride so far, I think maybe I needed to live how you are living now, to see that. I love all my scars, inside and out

Key turning points to get to some form of clarity to meditate on my existence was just practicing proper eating, water, and sleep (you need FUCKtons of water.. EVERY time I ruminate, I realize I'm dehydrated).

Then, after 12g of psilocybin, 6beers, and a few joints, I was sober for a week, drank on the weekend, and sober for the week after, it's not even a thought now

Today is the first day I'm trying no weed, but I'm iffy about it

A 40 of what? a 40 of beer?

>bud, bud, bud

They say people with low I.Qs rarely have addiction issues, and have a better quality of life than the majority of intellectuals.

Congrats, bud.

it is harder for intelligent people accept reality

Hard stuff.
If it was a hot day, something lighter, like Malibu rum

Oya, also monitoring what I ingest audibly and visually.. if I see some bad shit, i address it, as apposed to letting my subconscious play with it.. for the most part I try to avoid heavy stressors, but slowly trying to just build up my fortitude. As a fighter and a gamer, I don't really have the luxury of not being stressed with my dopamine hits lol

Jesus bud. So you would drink a 40 of liquor on lunch break everyday?
Wow you ever drink whiskey or vodka?
How long did that go on for?

I feel you. I have the same problem. Drinking is like lifting a burden from my soul, even if it is just for a few hours.
I cant see no more purpose and no more happiness.

>Anything you think you know, or anything you think you feel, is an illusion created by the chemical in balance is in your brain that perpetuate the addiction
so fucking true. basically summarizes the hell of withdrawals

How you feel about alcohol was literally me and heroin like a year ago. You just have to get to a point where you decide you're not going to let the drug take from you anymore. Maybe that won't be till you're homeless but if you keep on your drug of choice you will lose your job and reach a point where you cannot conceal the fact you have a problem

Op here

almost blacked out this thread

had to read through 3 times to realize I wrote this, it's my writing and the (you)'s

my gf committed suicide in January which is a lot of the reason why this time my alcoholism has just been unrestrainable - I don't even see why I should stop. It's as if everything that made life bearable, or worth living, or worth suffering for just choked itself to death on her clothes rack.

just delete this thread I'm too drunk to coherently respond or read posts anyway I'm reporting this thread

>after 12g of psilocybin, 6beers, and a few joints

If you ate 12 grams of mushrooms, that alone was the key that changed your wiring. Do not delude yourself by thinking otherwise.

>It's as if everything that made life bearable, or worth living, or worth suffering for just choked itself to death on her clothes rack.

Did she do it because of what you did to her?

Time to look in the mirror, fuckhead.

how much you drink today? What you drinking/

Wat.

No it was a whole bunch of shit came together into some horrific storm. I just had some long interview with like this cop/coroner person the other day, even though it was like 4 months ago - I guess these things move slow.

over 1L of gin

I was already sober beforehand, hello?

I took them because quarantine and I wanted to go on vacation looool
Surfed the motherfucking planar rifts my dude

Damn you're negative. You need a break from the booze because it's made you everything you hate in this world.. I never said they didn't help lol, but I made it a point beforehand to quit for a week after my "vacation"

Long enough till I fucked up and switched to beer when I'm relaxing.. I'll drink shots when I go out, but you realize getting shitpissed isn't all it's cracked up to be, when you take a step back and look at yourself

>over 1L of gin
Gin is 40% alcohol like whiskey and vodka right?

Loool so glad I'm no a straight booze bag anymore.. what a pitiful post

When you stop feeling sorry for yourself, life will be waiting

How did you fuck up?
What was you job when drink a 40 hard alcohol on lunch break/