I have OCD and PTSD. I have not bathed since march 8th of 2019 and I have not brushed my teeth since early june of 2018. I am afraid that my food is poisoned so I only eat food that I purchase and never leave from my sight. I hate where I live along with the people, therefore I urinate into bottles so that I do not require leaving the room, sometimes over 100 1L bottles, before putting them into bags into a car to go throw them into a dumpster behind a store as if i'm a serial killer disposing of body parts.
I have "tried" to go to college for the last several years to fix everything. I create gigantic spreadsheets of colleges with their statistics and debate with myself the optimal plan. I lay in bed for at least 23.5 hours of the day. My only physical activity are my rituals and going to the bathroom to defecate, which is very difficult and I bleed every single time. I'm going to stop here because it becomes worse than this.
I am seeking catharsis or some kind if epiphany, but after all of this time, I obviously have yet to recieve it and my hope is waning. I dream of waking up.
I have OCD and PTSD. I have not bathed since march 8th of 2019 and I have not brushed my teeth since early june of 2018...
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try psilocybin mushrooms
Start drinking
What is your PTSD from?
have you tried pissing in a toilet?
still voting trump
the food could have been poisoned before you purchased it
Have you been to therapy?
do you think your fear of being poisoned is rational? have you tried taking a bag of chips and putting it outside of your periphery for a a minute and try to eat it? the more you move towards eliminating your rituals (even baby steps) will help you gain control over these rituals. it is possible your ocd is a copic mechanism to deal with your ptsd, maybe address that as you move forward. do you have anyone you can talk to about it?
*coping
i've experienced and witnessed domestic violence and other people with severe mental illness, very scary situations.
I have thought this but only in the past.
It's pointless, and I'm obviously not in a condition to go an office. I definitely smell. I know the treatment options. I just want to move out but I cannot without a plan as I have so little for funds ($4,000).
I try to reduce the rituals. I try to rationalize my way out of it, but I never win. It doesn't care how I rationalize it. I have absolutely nobody in life at all. I talk to myself all day.
Go see a psychistrist please user.
You are way overdue for some risperidone, that is how serious this sounds. All of this other stuff will get clearer after the meds.
Try Christianity
you've probably already been poisoined mate
you should only eat things you grow yourself
The way he wrights this i feel like he would have flat affect.
Jesus OP this is just...
Thanks for sharing this though. Honestly. It serves as both a reminder that my problems are not so severe and insurmountable while at the same time I am startled by some of the similarities between your habits and mine. (In particular the spreadsheets. I'll spend hours exhaustively researching ways to move abroad and start a new life instead of just applying for jobs, my mom engages in this kind of behavior as well. Fantasizing as a means of escape is really all it is)
Sincerely OP, although it doesn't mean much I hope you get to change your life for the better and find a place of happiness. You are obviously self aware and sharp enough despite the problems and you're not irredeemable.
Here's hoping things look better for both of us bro
I can't. I do not want to dull my mind with some chemical lobotomy.
look for jesus
Have you read about psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan's description of what anxiety is? I don't have OCD, but I had terrible anxiety (still do but to lesser extent) that wouldn't budge with all the SSRIs in the world, and Lacan's description of anxiety was the only explanation that made any sense to me. It's easier to deal now because I can try to diagram what the real source of anxiety was and feel like I'm making some progress towards really understanding it and thus becoming able to manage and live with it.
how do you make money
timestamp the piss bottles
I have had severe anxiety attacks which would last for about two weeks. My natural state now is anxious. I have not watched this.
I use IPEDS to create spreadsheets for schools although that is for the USA. I also create spreadsheets for air quality around the school currently with Purpleair or aqicn
I do not. This is every penny I have.
I'm paranoid that someone could recognize me so I would rather not. I do have several right now though.
This. Do psilocybin, LSD or DMT. Fuck, even MDMA would probably work wonders for you if you didn't get addicted to it.
please just brush your teeth
>I have absolutely nobody in life at all. I talk to myself all day.
no family?
I would rather be addicted to some medicine for my entire life than having to live like you do, not saying this to be rude.
I had the same way of thinking when my phycologist wanted to hand me anti-depressants but I eventually did take them and they do help out a bit.
I do not have a family.
Do you live with roomates?
Do you get neetbux?
When I used a fork to eat, I would use the fork to clean my teeth, but I do not use a fork at all now due to concerns, so I use the lip of a water bottle and otherwise wash my mouth with water as well as I can. My teeth always have a slight ache.
Have sex
what keeps you away from using a tooth brush? you used to do it but stopped?
I have OCD as well and medication prescribed by my psychiatrist has done wonders for me, to the point that after about two years I hardly have symptoms anymore. You should definitely try the same. I wish you the best fren. You can do it.
The ingredients in toothpaste concern me as I fear ingesting them. The water to brush with must come from my own bottled water and that requires too much water, as I must thoroughly clean my mouth and clean the toothbrush before and after. The amount of water is too great. I have not regularly used a toothbrush for years. The ritual required is far, far too annoying just to clean my mouth.