/brit/

Apple won't do shit. Go to the pakis they know what they're doing

lonely 2bh lads

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Having a headache
About to throw up

ame

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*Jaw drops to table with tongue rolling out like a carpet, gasping painfully*
VA-VA-VA-VOOM!
*Jumps into the air horizontally, straight as a rod, hovering while wolf-whistling obnoxiously loud*
WHEE-WHEEOO!
*Starts flyign through the air like an aeroplane making pretend machinegun noises before crashing down into the seat*
NYYYEEEEAARRRRRRR, BOOSH!
*Frantically taps foot against the floor while slamming fists repeatedly on the table, rattling any plates, bowls, or silverware*
HELLO, NURSE!
*Heart starts beating so hard it visibly thumps an entire meter out of chest through the shirt in the stereotypical shape of the playing cards suit*
BA-BUM, BA-BUM!
*Head transforms into a cartoon anthropomorphic wolf's head, howling loudly at the moon on all fours*
HAROOOOOO!
*Scalp hinges back for fireworks to pop out, panting loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth while breaking chair into pieces*
HOMINA HOMINA HOMINA!
*Pulls out a large wooden mallet and bashes self over the head until tweety birds start circling around, and playsfinger harp with slack lips*
BLBLBLLBLBLBLBLBLLBLBLBLLBL!
*Eyes pop out of sockets and engorge into the size and shape of artillery shells accompanied by trumpets*
BOI-OI-OI-OINGGGG!
*Turns a crank that activates a Rube Goldberg machine simulated audience of lecherous men applauding, whistling, and banging their fists*
HUBBA HUBBA!
*Pulls chain on train whistle that has spontaneously appeared next to head causing steam to blow out*
CHUGGA CHUGGA CHOO CHOO!
*Red mercury fills up visage like a thermometer's temperature rising causing the head to swell to three times its normal size*
AWOOGA AWOOGA!
*Wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead with handkerchief, straightens up tie, combs hair, waxes pencil moustache*
COME WITH ME TO THE KASBAH!
*Tiny Cupid shoots an arrow through heart before standing up ramrod straight and falling back dead with a bouquet of flowers that has suddenly appeared in clasped hands*
DOOON'T YOU BELIEVE IT!

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Beck is my favourite rapper. Who's yours?

wonder if he's actually caused nerve damage of some kind on anyone

halo 3 was a masterpiece

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Is she too dumb to realise he is literally sexually assaulting her

youtube.com/watch?v=Bm5iA4Zupek

I was involved in the concurrent Liverpudlian civil war.

booba

'Tis the season! A toast!

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I voted Conservative to kill half their benefit-dependent population off, grandson.

Based
youtu.be/1nyAThrjdkw

the Asians are good

i said this last thread you spastic

the use shitty parts but repair it so cheaply you start questioning the ethics of it all

he didnt fly so good

markino

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Never called anyone a paki, you sound obsessed my friend

I bet you like the films of Wes Anderson.

>halo

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why you drinking menstrual blood

The shitty parts thing is why people’s phones start fucking self destructing

*smacks that dogshite out your hands*
now this is a real WaW track

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Wales will be independent before Scotland or Irish unification.
Book it.

How dare you insult Master Dong like that, he's a consummate professional

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What a grim bunch of specimens

desuarchive.org/int/thread/54635398/#54637658

Ever read a post in the archive from 4 years ago and wonder what happened with them?

LMAO

youtube.com/watch?v=rlB3ybJbMUI

digga d

>Oi lads you ever get your iPhone smashed and fixed?
no I'm not a clumsy bastard

fuck off mark

Reckon a tour of Britain with Tim and Seaside Mark would be pretty fucking comfy and feel good sort of thing each episode could be about them going to historical places like the Durham Cathedral or Shakespeare's birthplace

youtube.com/watch?v=LAUOpUsR7ME

youtu.be/XveT0dAznSk
youtu.be/XveT0dAznSk
youtu.be/XveT0dAznSk

kills 2 men before he's 17 and gets away with it
based

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I used to steal Nuts, Zoo, Loaded, FHM, Front, NME, FourFourTwo and World Soccer from WH Smiths
I also nicked so many books from their bookstore that my parents bought me a new bookcase for Christmas one year. When I calculated the value of the books I'd stolen it came to over £1,000

Oddly, the thought of stealing even a bar of chocolate or a tin of Pepsi from my local newsagents was abhorrent to me. Maybe it's because he was just an ordinary bloke working small-scale for his family?

>got sad listening to Steal My Sunshine by Len because of a throwaway line about regretting not doing things instead of just going for them
Hitting new lows everyday here lads haha

OUR HOUNDS VILL TEAR ZEM TO SHREDS

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Could easily have been me 2bh, sounds like something I would post

I’m alri

I don't feel anything in a massage, its just slowly pressuring my shoulders and back mildly irritatingly. I dont get it

Is he cleaning out her belly button with his tongue

Anglos are banned from penetrating the frontiers of Cymru.

watching the one where he goes to university stalking that qt

You wake up here what do you do

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do people really get upset when you tell them that you don't have social media?

just started watching peep show or what for crying out loud

what iPhone are you on?

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feeling rather lost

based
fuck WHSmith
I'm convinced they're a money laundering front

yeh i love them

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she seems nice

Yes. Very comfy films. I'm white.

Propose a Private Members Bill to arrest all women

I'm eternally grateful...

>tfw I was a god amongst men when my pala was decked out in tier 5 armour with that peng mace from Hyjal now i'm a NOBODY

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You should listen to Elliott Smith
Nah most people think you're a G for not having any

my dad went to a grammar school but was the "bad egg" of the bunch and was the school drug dealer, ciggie dealer, and porn dealer
weird how he only lost his virginity later in life in his early 30s

drawing pin on the pm's seat

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Do a fat line of gak with Gove

>You should listen to Elliott Smith
haha yeah lad just let me buy a rope while im at it

7

In what universe would going around with a psychotic and a stinking stuttering alcoholic imbecile be comfy

i do, might watch moonrise kingdom again thanks.

New Q song is good lads :'(

Zig Forums is my only social media, workmates would be livid if they knew what Zig Forums was

Who was in the wrong here?

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I've been making this point for over a year, user
We are the ultimate strawman for people on this site
They know nothing of our history, people or ways and yet presume to be omniscient when it comes to all things British

Fuck 'em

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>pala
more like poof amongst men

LMAOOOOOOOOOO SUICIDE SO FUNNY LMAOOOOOOOO

nah, just go to an asian shop unless the 7 is new

so am i bud, so am i

Ask the PM if he knows how many suicides and drug addicts his lockdown has made and if he can say for certain whether his lockdown hasn't done more harm than the virus would have

*walks into sports direct*
youtube.com/watch?v=VBaFBAH2yuc

measured my willy and im unironically 7 inches, apparently thats the top 1%, am VERY happy, will girls like this (im a card carrying vf)

binge rewatching it

it's like the n word mate, i can say it because im depressed

youtube.com/watch?v=mP5ZVPwP7bg

tucking into this gem again

latest gogglebox is out

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After I'd been doing it for about 18 months they introduced security cameras for the first time. I think I was the cause. Was I too greedy? Was I hoist on my own petard?

its literally because they speak our language and read our press. Everybody can read the meme daily mail articles from 2009 when some somali came here on a boat and got a mansion in Mayfair for free after a week. Nobody reads Bild or Der Spegiel though, so they can get away with it

the argentinians obviously

You won't ever get a chance to show them so no

When it is done, and Manchester is...ashes...

Then, you have my permission to die

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Was watching tv with mum last night and she kept going on about "how many bloody golliwogs" are on tv now

Okay buddy let me fucking tell you what really happened you piece of shit.

For anyone who doesn't know, here is a run down of events.

13:00 - The ARA General Belgrano, a hospital ship currently hosting a party for orphaned terminally ill children, is at anchor in the neutral port of Shanghai, well outside the combat zone.

13:10 - The British submarine HMS Annihilator of Innocence, a Murder Class vessel, spots the ARA General Belgrano at anchor. Despite the Belgrano's clear markings (including rainbow banners of peace, love and diversity, red cross insignia and nesting doves of peace) and location in a neutral port, Captain Slaughterton-McKillem of the Royal Navy decides to attack. He personally telephones his lover, Margaret Thatcher, who replies that he is to bring her the heads of the victims.

13:14 - His firing solution worked out, Captain Slaughterton-McKillem fires all six of the submarines 200MT Deathshroud Nuclear Missiles at the Belgrano. When one of the crew, an Irishman and fighter against British imperialist oppression, protests that such a decision is immoral and illegal, Captain Slaughterton-McKillem promptly executes the man with a spork and then feasts on his brains, laughing as he watches the missiles near their target.

13:15 - The missiles impact, annihilating the Belgrano. Her crew (in fancy dress so as to amuse the terminally ill orphans), the orphans and the nesting doves over the side abandon ship as best they can.

13:16 - HMS Annihilator of Innocence surfaces. Captain Slaughterton-McKillem orders the Mk XVII. Nature-Hater Anti-Aircraft Nuclear Gatling cannons turned on the peaceful doves, which are flying away from the scene of his crimes.

13:19 - The submarine moves in to inspect its work. The crew of the Belgrano are machine gunned in the water as spies due to their fancy dress. Protestations of innocence are ignored by the British crew, who laugh maniacally as they take the heads of the Argentines lucky enough to be alive.

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Anyone remember jessi slaughter?

You eventually get over the whole wanting to kill yourself phase. Not that the bit after is any better. You just come to accept your lot.

literally no better class aesthetically

Priest perhaps, the rest are CRINGE

>beck improsived a poem in his kitchen and then got annoyed with how shit he was and started singing insults at himself
>it launched him into the mainstream and is considered one of the greatest songs of all time
fucking how? honestly. fucking madness.

soph's like the girl you lose your virginity too and go shag other women after

It's not everything, they need to be attracted to you and turned on by you too. A lot of sex is mental for women, you could have an absolute whopper and they wouldn't enjoy sex if you were a greasy awkward freak.

lads do i move to a completely different city for a new, much better job i am potentially going to be offered which could kickstart my career, but where i'll basically be starting life afresh as i won't know anyone and could potentially be a lonely, depressed hermit
or stay where i am in this new house i moved into a couple months back, where i've basically got into this new friendship group (but it's still early days)
will probably never see these new friends again if i did move

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Loser?

all true
and now i cant sweat

bradders is out of place ngl

I know it was amer before and that had its own issues. Maybe turt?

But is your mumberg is a full blown rorke? Mines personally? Everytime theres a hitler documentary on TV she always says "he tried to warn us..."

Depends what happens to you, you sound like a sheltered pussy that avoids bad happenings

HOWLING

Yeah. Said he basically just stream of conscious'd the entire thing and then when the guy recording it played it back to him, he started singing the chorus just to shit on himself.

roaring

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resume killing the mandem

Just watched a 'Sophie Rose answers your questions' video on YT and she said blond hair and blue eyes are her usual type

As a grey-eyed Yorkshireman with dark wavy hair, should I off mesen?