Tell a joke from your country

How did the last Kurd die?
He went out of tune!

An Arab, a Jew and a Nigger are in a plane. The pilot look at them and says : "what the fuck? Is this a joke?"

Why is Cesar wearing sandals? Because he's July!!!

HAHAHAHAH

Guy: "I need air support!"
Airplane: "you can do it, keep going on!"

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Pekka and his mom is going for a walk, suddenly his mother goes "oh look at that beautiful forest"
Pekka doesn't know what she's talking about and asks where the forest is, she points in the direction of the forest and pekka says "What, is the forest behind those trees?"

This joke was brought to you by the Swedish reddit and 9gag gang, please support our joke projects in which we depict the finns as dumb subhumans in the name of le epic nordic banter don't forget to like and subscribe xDDDDDD

There were 2 friends returning home from a party late at night.
While they were walking they saw a brown pile of something on the pavement.
One of them says "dude, is that shit or chocolate?"
The other responds "wait, let's check it out."
So they both grab a piece of it and eat it. Then they say to eachother:
"That's not chocolate, that's shit!"
"You're right! Thank god we didn't step on it!"

Boudreaux and Thibedeaux sit on a gerter on their lunch break.
Boudreaux opens his tin and says 'My Marie always make me the nicest lunches. I love her so much.'
Thibedeaux opens his tin and says 'If my Claudette makes me one more egg salad sandwich, I'll kill myself.'
the next day, Thibedeaux finds egg salad in his kit again and jumps at his death.
Boudreaux is standing next to Claudette at Thibedeaux's funeral. Boudreaux says 'such a shame, surely he must have said something that you'd known he hated egg salad so much?'
and Claudette says 'I never knew, Thibedeaux always fixed his own lunches.'

Relevant info: Joãozinho is a stock character, a boy with cheeky answers.

Joãozinho calls his father in the middle of the night, saying:
>Dad! Too many mosquitoes here!
His father replies
>Turn off the light, son, the mosquitoes will go away!
Soon after that a firefly appears in Joãozinho's room. He calls his father again:
>Dad, help! Now the mosquitoes are bringing flashlights!

Lunch time in school. Julinha opens her lunchbox and vents to Joãozinho:
>Damn, chicken again. I eat chicken all the time, I'm even getting fluff! [penugem, those soft feathers]
Joãozinho:
>Fluff? Where???
Julinha lifts her skirt and shows it. Then Joãozinho says
>You know what? My mom also cooks too much chicken, and I also got fluff!
Julinha:
>Lemme see it!
Joãozinho pulls down his pants and shows it. Julinha says
>You're worse than me, you got even a neck and gizzards!

Why Jesus walk on water?
Because Newton wasn't born yet!

Joãozinho's mom: "sonny, why don't you spend some time with Pedro, your friend?"
Joãozinho: "mom, would you spend your time with someone who smokes, drinks, and swears all the time?"
Joãozinho's mom: "of course I don't!"
Joãozinho: "so yeah, Pedro doesn't either."

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

>A hobo walks into a bar
>Goes to the barman
>"Listen bro, I know how I look, but I don't want any money. I just want a single toothpick, could you give me one please?"
>Barman says "sure", it's just a toothpick after all
>15 minutes pass, and then another hobo walks into the bar
>"Sup brah I know I smell bad, but honestly bro, all I want it a simple, single toothpick, please bro, please"
>"Yeah no problem" says the barman, be gives him the toothpick, and he goes away
>5 minutes later, another hobo is there
>"Heyyyy ma-"
>"Toothpick, right? Here"
>" Thanks man, you're the best", says the hobo, and he leaves
>Then 2 minutes later another hobo comes in, and before he manages to say anything, the barman gives him a toothpick
>Hobo rejects it and says "nah man, give me a straw, the other hobos got the good parts of that dude's puke before I even got here"

A New Zealander walks into the local Centerlink, goes straight up to the counter and says,
"Bro I hate being on welfare, I'd really rather have a job."
The fella at the desk says, "Excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
The starting salary is $200,000 a year".
The Kiwi says, "You're shitting me bro!"
The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah, well, you fucking started it".

Kek. We have the same with Belgian worker and fries

I sneedled
(formerly chuckled)

>"And than he asked me what are you a jew? i said no im just a bit jewish!"

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A man goes home completely wasted after a long drinking night. He finally manage to open the door then walks his stairs on 4 legs and fall on his bed next to his wife.
He suddenly wakes up in Heaven with St Peter in front of him saying:"Welcome my son, you died drunk in your sleep"
-"What? That's impossible I just had lot of drinks with friends but not that much! I loved my life please send me back!"
-"I can't my son"
-"please my wife is pregnant, I'll never see my kid" (the guy starts to cry)
-"ok my son, I can send you back to earth but you'll become a hen. It's the only solution"
-"wtf? Ok then send me in the farm close to my house, I'll then be able to see my son growing up"

The guy arrives as a hen in the farm, starts eating seeds the whole day. At the end of the day, the rooster come to him and says
"So you're the new hen huh? How was your first day?"
-"Well other hens are pretty nice but my belly fucking hurts"
-"That's normal, you're a hen, your main goal is to lay eggs"
At the same moment a huge egg is coming out of his ass, he feels really proud and fierce.
A second egg is coming out and he starts being so happy to now being able to give life.
The third egg is starting to coming out when he feels a huge slap behind his head and hear "wake up drunk asshole you're shitting the bed!!"

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We have no jokes in my country.

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>Jokes are spontaneous things.

So THIS is how funnicals work!

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What are blacks doing next to a white wall? a barcode

An Irish dog sat down to chew on a bone. He got up with three legs.

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The man buys a hat, tries to wear it and fits him just right.

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J'ai ri

very good

Two moose drove on a tandem bike, the other one fell over in a ditch.

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I killed a pinko commie bastard, and TENGRİ ATA revealed himself to say "thank you son"