What do I do? Dynamic hedging, derivatives structuring and pricing. No one in this house can touch me on that.
But does anybody appreciate that? While you were busy minoring in gender studies and singing a capella at Sarah Lawrence, I was buying credit default swaps on vintage synthetic CDOs. I was one click away from starting a second Flash Crash.
I prevent transaction slippage. I monitor for regime shifts, emergency portfolio rebalances, and faulty position sizing. The futures market - heard of it? - transfers half a trillion of notional exposure minute; do you have any idea how that happens? All those Robinhood shitputs and YOLO calls sitting directly in your shitty little smartphone day after day, every dipshit who shits his pants if he can't get a market order for QQQ in under twelve miliseconds? It's not magic, it's talent and sweat. People like me ensure your trades never fail to deliver. So what do I do? I makes sure that one bad parameter on one key model doesn't bankrupt the entire fucking company. That's what the fuck I do.
Thomas Morales
What happens if Trump is still in the hospital tomorrow?
