OCD ruining my life

I suffer from ocd and intrusive thoughts and it’s completely ruining everything. I can’t even watch movies or play video games any more without having intrusive thoughts about rape and death. What the fuck do I do? I’ve tried four different medications and none of them have worked. Should I just fucking kill myself?

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>intrusive thoughts about rape and death
is that a symptom of ocd? huh.
also not video games. try /adv/ or Zig Forums maybe.

what you want to do is reward your brain for not thinking about that shit. when you have a good day get yourself a treat. when you have a bad day do something different, doesn't really matter what as long as it's novel.

stop visiting Zig Forums and other sites that are linked to talk about rape and death and stuff. breaking those habits will get your brain working in different ways, it will stop falling into the same patterns.

keep a journal, write down your thoughts and check back to see what are your good days and bad days. a lot of the time this shit tends to come in cycles and you'll be able to recognize when you're starting a downward spiral.

find a psychiatrist that works for you. this may take some time, there are a lot that are completely worthless. but just having someone to talk to about all your shit can make a big difference.

I’ve been to two doctors, tried various different meds, and even tied to meditate. None of that shit fucking works. I literally can’t enjoy anything in my life anymore. I can’t even play fucking video games anymore and that was the only way I could cope with my shitty life.
On a semi related note, what’s the most harmless way to commit suicide? I was thinking carbon monoxide poisoning

I can't enjoy handheld games without nitpicking and defect I come across while using it. also tourrets sucks.

I think you should try to figure out the underlying cause of WHY you're having these thoughts. That's actually hard and requires work, though, so most people (and most doctors, psychologists, and psychiatrists) simply throw up their hands and go "Idunnochemicalimbalancelol" because it's easier to take a pill than it is to introspect.

take time off of the internet in general.
only check up on emails for important shit.
go out take walks, or other activities.

So I’m completely fucked then? I’ve tried therapy and meds and nothing fucking works. I’m on seroquel rn and I just feel tired as fuck, of course it helps me sleep but dosent fucking help my ocd

I already tried meditating, I work out, I go for walks, etc. I’m a lost fucking cause.

>two doctors
yougottapumpthosenumbersup.jpg

It might take many more years before you get an answer that fits but it's worth it. All it takes is one not-shit doc who can understand you.

What kind of games do you play? Comfy and calm shit like animal crossing might help. Or it might be better to just embrace it and play violent games on a strict schedule. If you're OCD schedules will help you a great deal. Strictly scheduled game time will allow a window for all those awful thoughts to come pouring out, and you'll have better self-control for the rest of the day.

It's not hard to come up with a reason. There are countless reasons. Bad childhood, shit genes, shit diet, bad habits, unconscious desires, maladaptive learned behaviour, and on and on. Ultimately I think we just have to pick the reason that makes the most sense to us.

But yes, pills should not be a solution. That doesn't mean they're not helpful. I was on antidepressants for a while. It gave me the clarity and focus I needed to figure out some life stuff. They're not a cure, they're just there to give you a slight break so you can to sort out your own problems.

Suicide isn't a solution and is grossly disproportionate in terms of the harm done to what you have to deal with, bad as it may be. Listen to the guy's advice, I'm sure there are plenty remaining avenues to go down.

i was in a similar position and got over it after i stipped interacting with things that would trigger such thoughts.
took a massive break from a lot of sites, and it eventually stopped the thoughts from rolling in.
really, just take a massive break from this shithole and various others. get a website blocker if you can't.

Lifting weights, unironically. It made my OCD/intrusive thoughts go away, or at least be a lot more manageable.You can start with calisthenics or group classes if weights are intimidating, but I made much more mental progress when I started moving actual heavy weights. Also, as others have said, leave Zig Forums. At least for a year or two.

I'm like that with new hardware, but there's a certain threshold where it's broken in and I stop caring.

I like RPGS like new Vegas but this problem applies to every single game I try to play. I can’t even turn my pc on without having intrusive thoughts about killing my parents.
And I don’t have “years” to find a doctor, if this shit isn’t cured by the end of this year I’m going to fucking kilo myself, I can’t take this shit anymore. Imagine not being able to do ANYTHING you like because of your own shitty brain

Suicide IS a solution. Obviously nothing else is fucking working for me so I don’t have much other choices do I? You must be fucking crazy if you think I’m going to let myself live with this shit, I have a old car parked in my garage just waiting for me to sit in it as I fade away to nothingness
I already lift every single day and that shit don’t help me at all either. Leaving 4cham won’t help either because it’s the only thing I can get SOME bit of joy out of

Obsessions are serious shit and you should seek medical help. Not therapy but a psychiatrist, and then whatever therapy or medication they recommend. I am not a fan of psych meds and consider them a plague in themselves, but I have seen obsessions take control of a person and it can be really frightening.

Personally I have struggled with OCD in varying degrees, though not with the sort of obsessions you describe, not really. At one time in my life I felt I was drifting toward that but this hasn't happened since I addressed my OCD, and I think the way I succeeded was to start small and to keep my focus on small things. For me it's checking of light switches and outlets, and if doors are locked. Instead of checking myself, I'll take ask the person with me if they remember, then make a point of taking their word for it. This is important: It doesn't matter if the stakes are so small that it seems there is no harm in giving in. The purpose of resisting the urge to check is not to fight off that urge, but to exercise the ability to resist the urge, to familiarize myself with that feeling so that next time I encounter it I feel a little safer, more comfortable, less impulsive.

This is also how I stave off depression: by doing things that people who aren't depressed do: clean the sink, sweep up, go directly to the email I'm afraid to read. Not because any of these are things I should care about, but because making myself do them is a kind of practice. It refreshes the knowledge and feeling that the bulwark against worse is a thing I have to build with elbow grease and determination. Mental health is work, like practicing an instrument or keeping your heart healthy. You've got to touch base with it and keep the mechanisms oiled.

Not to be a dick, but since this thread might get removed consider making one in /adv/.

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Have you had an allergy panel done? Dairy gives me intrusive thoughts. Could be dairy for you also, or could be something else.

OP, demons and psychic parasites are real and you are under attack. They feed off of the negative energy that you produce. When you get upset with yourself as a result of these thoughts that you think you are the source of, they are basking in it.

Meditate, practice mindfulness and pray. Also learn how to let go. Letting go is one of the single best things you can learn how to do to improve the overall quality of your life in by itself. It may take a while but the results are beyond words or what you can comprehend at the moment. I promise you that if you actually make an effort to fight back and better yourself that it will happen.

Also don't take medication for this type of stuff. They aren't necessary and will just dope you up and possibly cause harm.

OP, I have the same thing, but thoughts about cheating. I'm max level incel because of it and it's very hard to think about women as normal human beings, which could be faithful and loving to you. Especially when you're on internet. Even in most unrelated threads there will be something about how all women bad. This is literally making me insane.

Jesus fucking Christ I already said I tried meditating and it dosent do JACK FUCKING SHIT. I also Fucking prayed to sky daddy and of course he dosent give a fuck enough to see how much distress I’m in. They want to bask in my negativity? I’m about to give them a Fucking show when I kill my self.
I’m not allergic to anything
Like I said, been to various doctors and took different meds, nothing works. But I’m sure a bullet through my brain would work

I hadn't seen this when I wrote the long post above with the raft girl. Two doctors ain't shit. You need to find a competent psychiatrist and have a lot of long conversations with that person. Give us your area code and see if someone can find you a better doctor. I had to see six of them before I found somebody who really understood what the fuck was going on, and my problems aren't even that bad.

The harm of suicide isn't to you but to others. You may think that no one in your life deserves to be spared that harm, but they aren't the ones you should consider. It is the people you barely know who are stupid enough to love the assholes you don't care about, that's where the real damage happens. Speaking as someone whose life has been profoundly shaped and stunted by a suicide that happened well before I was born. Not even a family member. I feel the consequences of that act every day of my life.

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I feel u buddy, fellow OCDer here.
Honestly I've just had to learn to ignore the intrusive thoughts as best as possible, it doesn't really work but all we can do is try.
The most annoying part really is being so stuck in my rituals where I just have to do things in a certain order, even if it's really inefficient

When was the last time you went a full day without internet? No Zig Forums, no social media, no news, nothing? These sites work like a drug, you are getting a tiny high from every (You), every clickbait headline that enrages or pleases you.

At the very least limiting time on the internet is definitely something you should be doing. How much of your day is run according to a schedule? Your brain wants to be doing whatever it wants all of the time. Make a schedule and stick to it, and your brain will adapt to have appropriate thoughts at appropriate times.

Try picking up meditating again. Do it for a set time every day.

Suicide is a solution. It's the worst possible solution but it's still there. Sometimes it can feel comforting to put your finger on the switch, to know that even if it feels that your life is completely out of control, you always have that last resort available to you.

Get out a pen and paper, and right down ten things that you love about your parents. When the thoughts start intruding, read the list out loud. Read it before you turn on your pc, like it's part of the process.

Do you talk often with your parents? If possible, giving them regular phonecalls might help. Forming new thoughts and memories can replace these current intrusive thoughts.

>I also Fucking prayed to sky daddy and of course he dosent give a fuck enough to see how much distress I’m in.
What a dumbass you are, i'm not religious but i'm pretty sure that's not how it works

I should clarify: it doesn't matter if the meditation itself actually helps or not. What matters is that you are not giving up on trying. Your brain has been used to the status quo for what seems like a very long time. It's going to take a lot of time for your brain to let go of these thoughts.

When we approach the edge of a cliff, a part of us imagines jumping off. It's an evolutionary trait designed to scare us and make us extra careful to not do something like that. Your brain is doing something similar. It's obsessively checking to make sure that you don't want to do these horrible things. Remember that ultimately this is your brain's way of protecting your parents, and protecting yourself. It's making sure you will always step away from the cliff. It's not a curse, your brain doesn't hate you or your parents. It's just doing what it has been programmed through evolution to do in order to keep you safe. The goal isn't to fight it, it's to control it.

I apologize for being a dumbass and not actually reading the thread.

OP I used to be in the literal exact same position you are in including more such as arson, and homosexuality.

Meditating does do jack shit, but it takes time. You are literally rewiring your brain. One thing you especially have to do is LET GO. If you have a shitty intrusive thought, let go of it and just move on with your day. DO NOT DWELL ON IT, DO NOT FEED IT. I am more than aware of the fact that it feels like your thoughts get literally hijacked and they automatically go back with literally zero effort on your part, but you have to keep letting go. Your brain will eventually start to break the cycle automatically. Mindfulness helps tremendously with this because you are focused on yourself and not on trying to not think about negativity. I have personally been going at this for roughly 1 and a half years and I still have some OCD problems but I feel like a radically different man. I feel physically lighter, no longer have Restless Leg Syndrome, and Hypnic Jerks are virtually non-existent for me and my thoughts are significantly cleaner overall. OP I know it is beyond rough for the spot you are in right now but you have to NOT GIVE UP and keep moving forward.

OP please trust me.

I know right. I try and keep it as pristine as possible but I always eventually do something for it to be considered "used" then i just don't give a fuck and I can enjoy it normally.

>MUH domino effect
Oh please, the only people who would be affected are my parents, and they don’t even have that much longer on this earth anyway (they are getting old). Yeah maybe some friend I used to hang out with would be like “oh shit he’s dead?” but that’s it. Besides it’s my parents fault I’m like this anyway, they are race mixers and had me at a very old age (both of those can cause birth defects/disorders)

I don’t have that kind of time. You literally just said you’ve been trying for a year and a half and still get ocd symptoms? How the fuck is that supposed to make me feel better? If anything it just makes me want to die faster, I can’t go another year like this fuck that.
I don’t have anything else to do besides browse Zig Forums and I don’t even do it that much, I literally have nothing else to do because I can’t watch movies or play games without having this fucking OCD shit. My only other option is to lay in bed and do nothing or kill myself

I can’t fucking control it, no matter how hard I try the thought always ends up coming out

Have you tried letting the thoughts come in? I have problems with some pretty nasty thoughts playing on repeat for hours on end. Sometimes there bad thoughts and sometimes they can just be phrases someone happened to say that goes on loop. If you're disturbed by them because you might think your a bad person, I've personally not thought about I was myself because I believe action sare more important than thoughts or words defining a person. If however you just find yourself disturbed by these thoughts you could try desensitizing yourself. Maybe try playing some games like demonophobia or house of velez. However everyones diffrent, the thoughts don't really get to me since I have a love of horror so, take a shot at it if you want.