A while ago I wrote this, I don't know if it'll help you OP, but it seems relevant. Also self-sage for mediocre OC:
To survive is to struggle.
That is to say, to continue existence is to combat the entropic forces of the universe.
Every breath, every beating heart, every outspoken cry is, in its own right, a defiant battle cry against the inevitable death of all life.
Living then is only this: Struggle, combat and battle, continuous until defeat. And defeat will be swift and sure for there is not one force, no not one, which can overcome the infinity of the universe. We are all then like Sisyphus born into the damnation of a terminal exercise in futility. If we are doomed, as all people are, to a lifetime of labour and of struggle, just as Sisyphus is, what then should we make of it?
There are two options one may take at this junction. The first, and all things being equal, serious, contemplation should be suicide. Why fight the inevitable? What purpose could there be to combating the infinite power of the entropic forces? Perhaps suicide it the only rational choice in this dilemma, it seems so. You are confronted with a choice of either death, or suffering and then death. Why would any rational, sane, man ever choose the latter? And yet we do, again and again, we choose the latter. We, as human beings, try over and over to defeat the entropic inevitability of death only to be cut down like so many before. However, since you’re still reading this you also have not chosen the route of the rational man, of the suicidal, and instead look for some other choice.
That other choice must be to embrace the fight. To stand tall, to understand and accept the eternal struggle, to load your shoulders with weight and to continue the endless battle. Then, as you accept the fight, as you prepare for combat, you must also prepare yourself. To sharpen your mind and harden your body, to master your skills in fields which are appropriate. To then join ranks with your fellow warriors against the eternal night, to strike out against this infinite enemy, to continue the fight until death and to fight the battle to the best of your mortal abilities.
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