The Return of Superman

Rumors have it that someone is about to exhibit xray vision in public. The entire world will see.

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I fucking hate you

Reminder that codemonkey wants these posts here.

This man, under the effect of extreme trauma, may run at speeds exceeding 60mph.

Extreme caution is suggested.

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Commit suicide.

You'll know it's christmas when…

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Don't tease me with the gifts God gave you.

Anyone who opposes me will bbe not.

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You have brought this on yourself. There will be no denying my power when I see what small thing you hold in your hand.

Clutch it tightly. Make sure I do not know. Think not of what you have. I will see right through your hand.

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I took down the false emperor.

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Give back wonderwoman.

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Sup, MGF guy.

It's been a while, good to see you're not in jail, not that a long stint in a padded room wouldn't help you immeasurably. Guess the drone lasers didint pan out? or the biological weapons? or hacking everyone's nanomachines? or punching off a cop's head on principle?

why are you like this, man?

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When she appeared to me more than two years before I met her, the moment I knew our rendevou was ruined, before I knew who she was… I was left in awe – like wonder – for hours like I had shell shock.

You're hilarious.

You won't let me live. You won't let me die.

dude ive been here for almost every one of these threads telling you to fucking get some goddamn help

you're literally insane, dude. not figuratively, not a lil bit eccentric, i mean full on raving psychotic/schizophrenic

you have no super powers, and its not because of kryptonite you dumb faggot, its because youre a normal person with a broken brain

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also you have shitty taste in movies bro

you're letting hollywood capeshit imprint on your brain for some reason. go to a doctor and stop reading comic books before you finally snap and get hurt

Unfortunately xray vision is easily verifiable.

I'm a powerful scientist. Why would I go to a doctor for anything?

Let's all sit down for a moment and wonder what it would look like if Superman was telling the truth and trying to save wonderwoman.


What about all might?? Never heard of overman.

Anyone want to know how eye lasers work??

get some help already. also

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I'm an expert in protecting my identity. I could waltz around with just eye glasses and no one would dare look me in the eye and identify me.

I'm sorry I'm not aware of super psychologists. Just normal not useful ones.

So apparently I can put like 12 watts/cm in my eyes and hold my breath to shoot lasers out of my face. Quick, someone drain my blood – I need to be cold.

Like any of you understand eye lasers. Hey someone put some cuffs on me I want to accidentally snap them in half

So I was wondering what kind of armor I should get /b/. I tried to stab myself with a short triangular kitchen knife and it just shattered. I was like wow that's tough while crying and screaming in my apartment for reasons I don't remember.

I think my neighbor started crying too.

I mean I can easily put 400lb pounds on that sucker and it just like shattered into three pieces man.

It's a knife so I'm like shit. I tried to use a diamond Head screwdriver, one of the big ones from the hardware store, and it almost snapped in half.

There was this one time I used a wrench to move a car up slope by one lugnut.

I was like wow… This lugnut is like 90 degrees from left or right and I'm just rolling this car uphill. How much torque is that? I feel stupid because I'm at like 1/8th normal strength

So this kryptonite thing has become an issue that doesn't only affect Superman.

Look, I've already survived like 4 human desths worth of punishment. If I had known everyone in the medical industry was a giant dick and didn't treat you if you're supposed to be dead I would've acted sooner. But noooo now i can't get medical treatment b cause 'i should be dead already'

I actually have pictures of the biological weapon

I spent 3000$ of super friends money to take pictures of what's actually emitting radiation and acting as Kryptonite

God damnit this is going to suck.

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I'm going to punch this guy in the face.

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Cryptococcus. It has a specialized protein crystal to each offspring. Cryptonite.

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It's weakening me user. I'm barely stronger then every single one of you.

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thats literally a fecal float sample under a microscope

this is next level shitposting lads

Please, it's the kryptonite rash scrapings from my arm that appears only after a headache and my chest bleeds.

It's so much easier just to give her back.

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Sometimes my chest actually whistles a bit from the holes in it. Doctors are stumped.

I'm surprised wonderwoman does nothing and is totally fine being outted by the Vil Dox infection

I'm surprised I haven't actually dropped her actual photos

That's right. Braniac 1.0 follows me just to force me out in public.

I assume you are familiar with livestream. Please Please Please Please when you decide to show the world you fly- setup a camera so we won't miss it.

Please. There'll be a crew. Don't expect anyone but me to be stupid.

Unfortunately… It's bee 5 years under the influence of kryptonite and my friends have abandoned me. You can't expect anymore than this …

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This board is a god damn vegetable of what it once was just a mere 6 months ago. And we haven't even hit close to rock bottom. Sage. Rip. Yada yada etc.

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Let me guess. You're all getting out the guns.

Superman is about to fuck your shit up. Robot post fail.

For freedom and justice!

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This guy gets it.

Evidence suggests the intentional release of Kryptonite by the New England compunding center is responsible for the deaths of hundreds of secret agents. I was spared because three execution protocols failed. It has never failed.


You think you can steal 700 million and kill thousands without a visit from me? I'm going to drag your body through the street. Get your guns.

I'm giving everyone an opportunity to get in line.

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The biggest opportunity ever.

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Sometimes I think Wonder woman is reading this and egging me on.

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Superman is a jewish ubermansch wish cartoon.

Destruction inc.