I've "activated" schizophrenia before in the same way OP describes, as a fear of impending death. For example, every night when I fell asleep I feared dying by god as a result of my "taboo" action, which in this case was taking an extreme amount of shrooms about 5 months beforehand. At the time, I believed I had met the devil on my shroom trip. So as a result of all this I developed schizophrenia slowly but surely and life was different. Music that "spoke to me" would give me this extremely nice feeling, the kind that losers chase when they listen to ASMR videos. I could almost activate this feeling whenever I liked, as long as the "realization" or whatever was profound enough. I won't even bother trying to make this sound normal because it isn't. I was crazy at this time. I overanalyzed everything as my mind was in hyper-mode basically. I was super insightful but it was more like something passing through me that was insightful, and it wasn't actually me. I would have moments like these and they would come in waves. When I wasn't freaking out over god and other crazy shit, I studied string theory and metaphysics.
It culminated into me not eating for 3 days, and on the third day I decided to take a walk down by the local river/forest area to reconnect with nature, as even I at the time had realized I lost my marbles. Before, I had only thought that the voices in my head were just me, but now it became clear that they were foreign. There was an old train bridge leading over the river and as I was walking over it, the voices in my head told me to jump in the river and kill myself. Obviously, the sanity that was left in me struggled with this and I went to return home, multiple times. Each time I got near the end of the bridge, I would visually hallucinate what I imagined to be what hell looks like. My world would change around me. I would return to the jumping spot, think about it, then pussy out and go to leave again. Each time the hallucinations got worse until I said fuck it and on the n'th time, I jumped into the river. This was just after winter and the water was extremely, and I mean extremely cold.
Yea it's all pretty crazy, and I was crazy. Basically I jumped in and folded my legs like I was meditating or some shit and sunk down calmly into the water (think Wim Hof). I was determined to drown myself. It was the "leap of faith" and I trusted that god was going to save me or whatever bullshit I was thinking as long as I believed in him. This whole leap of faith followed by drowning act was supposed to prove that I believed in him. Apparently this river was pretty deep and I kept sinking. Lucky for me, our natural drowning instincts are super strong and the moment I actually started to drown (involuntary breath of air which resulted in me swallowing a bunch of ice cold water) my body just kinda freaked out and took control. It was at this moment that I felt like I had sobered up. Perhaps the reptile brain/instinctual "oh shit I'm actually gonna die soon" feeling sobered me up or whatever but I had a clear mind for once, free of paranoia. I farted or shit myself or something during the initial freakout and then swam to the surface. At the time I thought a demon or something had left my body, but looking back it was probably just a panic turd that slipped out.
I made my way back to the bridge, gathered my clothes and belongings (I was naked). Somebody passed me by on the way to my things and probably thought I was crazy. If only they knew. Then I went home. After that day I didn't have any of those intrusive thoughts/voices, or twisted imagery that would flash in my imagination, nor did I fear dying in my sleep (or dying in general tbh). I also noticed my thoughts weren't so fast. It was a very surreal experience, one I don't think many people can quite understand. It's been probably 7 or so years since that incident but who's counting.
The reason I wrote this uncomfortably personal shit out was because OP probably is onto something. It wouldn't surprise me if the elite does something like this, for example in that sick Podesta video where he is telling the kid to call him father or something. It sounds crazy, yea, but that's because it is fucking crazy. It doesn't make sense to us because it doesn't even make sense to themselves. Something to consider.
I might be the biggest faggot ever for typing all this out as if anybody will care, but whatever
Attached: ridethetiger.jpg (1100x1100, 347.19K)