Thanks, it felt good to write it all out like that. I'm glad you appreciated it.
I've been trying to figure that out ever since I left. I'm still a communist. I'm one of the unlucky ones - most people who drop out of an org burn out and leave politics behind entirely. They spend the rest of their lives in blissful ignorance of history, politics, economics.
I've spent a great deal of my free time devouring every bit of literature I can get my hands on, theory, history, math; Marx, Lenin, Cockshott, hell even Dupont and Tiqqun in a fit of pique one week. I talk politics with everyone I know. I'm fucking insufferable irl. I've got a really clear picture of what doesn't work. What can we do to get from here to communism, though? I still haven't the fucking foggiest, and it's monumentally frustrating.
Sometimes I even want to go back. I think that maybe this time, if I just diligently do wherever the branch committee tells me, by some strange alchemy it'll bring us closer to communism. But they have no idea how to help the left-wing cause. They're running on a combination of stale tradition and manipulative pragmatism. I think a little part of me always knew they didn't know how to further the cause.
Shit, this came out way more emotional than I thought it would. I had almost forgotten how big a part of my life that group was.
They're not going to burn you at the stake as an apostate or anything. You'd almost certainly have to change your number, though. I wasn't joking about the phonecall barrage thing. They can and will get interstate comrades to call you to get around you screening your calls. For most people, one of the hardest things about leaving an org like SAlt is the sudden precipitous drop in social contact. Between stalls, protests, meetings, reading groups, and poster runs you spend a fuckton of time with those people. With that kind of imbalance, most people end up drifting away from their non-political friends - and the org itself tacitly encourages it. Lots of people find themselves suddenly very alone after they leave. I was lucky there - as I said before, I'm pretty antisocial. Being part of a group was the exception in my life, so leaving and being alone was more of a return to normal than it is for other people.
I'm not going to quote numbers on money front (I've got lots of problems with SAlt but I'm not gonna go violating OPSEC over it). Direct payments are regular dues, plus a yearly pledge (and they'll badger you to fundraise among relatives and remaining friends for that). Indirectly, there's more. There's the stuff that'll get you reproach from on high if you don't shell out for, like a subscription to the paper, tickets to the conference, and a steady supply of texts for reading groups (from the organisation's bookshop, naturally). On top of that there's passive social pressure to buy merch (T-shirts with and badges to wear on the stalls).
The demands they make on your time can be huge. If you're not careful, you can find most of your spare time and even some of your non-spare time taken up with political 'activity'. It seems like there's always something you could be doing - a meeting, a protest, putting up posters for the previous two, a paper sale, a reading group, calling contacts, reading groups, preparing remarks for an upcoming discussion, educationals (members-only lectures outside of normal meeting times to reinforce a political line the national leadership thinks is going astray), banner making, etc, etc, etc.
I'd say it's two things. First is a fundamental flaw in their political perspective. A flaw so deeply rooted they couldn't possibly get it out. Namely - nobody has any idea how to actually achieve their organisation's stated goals. It's not limited to trot orgs, of course - it's a disease that's been running unchecked on the Marxist Left since 1991.
The other part of the problem is the pragmatic measures developed in response to the first problem. These orgs have had to find a way to sustain themselves in the absence of a way forward. To survive in such circumstances, an org has to get lean and mean. Their problem is attrition - without a purpose, the org is constantly bleeding members as they come realise they're wasting their time. So the org needs a constant supply of new people to make up for that, and it needs to stem the bleeding as much as it can. The best way to recruit is aggressively, and the best way to retain members is to keep them isolated from the real world and too busy to think about anything else. Thus, the political cult is born.