Well yeah, that was the situation for my friend who became a neo-Nazi skinhead. I didn't discover this until later when I looked him up on Facebook, but I mean he beefed up and shaved his head and got swazi tats and a Thor's hammer on his fucking fist. Scary shit. He was always nice to me though, and could be really funny.
I only looked him up because he was that friend who I thought would most likely wind up dead or in prison. That hasn't happened but he has racked up a history of DWIs from what I could tell. What can you do? Dunno really.
But yeah, spite is the right word. He came from a broken home, very troubled, and his impulse became to basically fight the whole of the society around him. I saw this happening when we were friends. Like he'd walk past the girl's bathroom at school drinking a soda and then THROW the soda as hard as he could into the bathroom and keep walking. I kind of gawked and laughed when I saw that, but he had a lot of pent-up rage and anger. And it's not like he couldn't get laid – he lost his virginity at 13, at least that's what he told me. Way too young if you ask me. But he did have a girlfriend.
But I think the fascist mindset emerges from that. If you have seen the movie Taxi Driver, Robert De Niro is driving around at night looking at what he sees as this ocean of depravity walking down the street, and it eventually becomes focused (for him) in this war against pimps, but he first phrases it as: "All the animals come out at night – whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets." The fash mindset is like this very narrow, tunnel-vision core of duty and idealism and beyond that is this sea of degeneracy that extends to the horizon and includes basically everything, potentially. Blacks, gays, Muslims, women, children, fun, Jews, modern architecture, popular music… on and on…
I mean, the alienation is happening to everyone, that is the default state of the human subject under capitalism, but fascism provides a kind of (false, in my view) answer to this for people who often come from broken homes or come from bad situations. Fascism gives people a chance to express their alienation, without granting them the right to do; keeping the property relations of capitalism intact. I don't think you're a bad person or whatever for feeling this (that's some liberal, moralizing bullshit) but I wouldn't join one of these groups if I were you, because they will push you into hurting ordinary people and that is not a good thing. Let this post be my love for my fellow worker, helping you heal.
The way I think of bourgeois democracy is that it's basically like a corporation. In theory every shareholder has a vote but a small group of shareholders who are better organized and better funded control the company. It's not that different from a fascist structure, which in a Marxist frame is just capitalism resorting to terror and warfare to save itself when it's in crisis (destruction of surplus capital, allowing investment to resume) – and that seems more or less accurate to me with some qualifications.
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