Reuters: Monday June 4th 2018
A bearded man in suspenders appeared in a building Monday morning telling people that he was 'feeling shaky'. Witnesses report that the man was acting sketchy, but not necessarily 'shaky'. Another person who was in the building said, "I was in this building before he came into the building and told people that he was shaky."
Paramedics arrived soon afterwards, and monitored the man for shakiness. "We had to ascertain if when he said 'shaky', he actually meant 'he was feeling uncertainty', or maybe he meant he was experiencing a fluctuation of one sort or another." a paramedic told reporters.
The police were called to determine if the man meant he was 'experiencing hesitation'. Officer Jim Swinehost asked the man if when he said he was 'shaky', he actually meant he was 'experiencing an inconsistency', or if he was trying to say that he was feeling insecure about something.
A team of psychologists was flown in by helicopter, and they interrogated the man, trying to discover if he actually meant that he was wavering, or experiencing inquietude.
Dr. Sigmund Fontanel called an impromptu press conference outside of the building, where he announced, "At this time we are assuming the 'shaky man' is simply feeling a sense of vacillation, but we can't rule out precariousness, insecureness, irresolution, frailty, volatility, anxiety, restlessness, unstableness, vulnerability, flightiness, irregularity, unsureness, fickleness, changeability, variability, changeableness, unreliability, mutability, transience, impermanence, fitfulness, capriciousness, unpredictability, disequilibrium, or unfixedness."
During the press conference, it was announced that the 'man who felt shaky' had walked out of the building while nobody was looking. Dr. Fontanel announced, "it appears that we may never get to the bottom of this mystery."
