Choosing a denomination

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Become Catholic :)

Bringing up the issue of multiple denoms expressly contradicts biblical Jesus request that his church be one (1) and undivided, thus in bringing this up in discussion, OP, you are thereby inherently drawing attention to the underlying contradictions in certain "Christian's" theologies…
tl;dr - ortho/prots gonna rage

Go and see.
Intellectual converts who do it for the theory are often disillusioned by what they see in practice.
The Church you will attend, the people you will be in company of, their example, the spiritual guides (pastor, priests) of you church. These are the things that will impact directly your spiritual life.

Abortion has nothing to do with the Church itself. Sadly we live in a secular age where church and state have been separated. Divorce is condemned but remarriage is given under extreme circumcstances like adultery or trying to kill your spouse. You can't judge what is "traditional" and what isn't relative to Catholic doctrine.
orthodoxresearchinstitute.org/articles/liturgics/athenagoras_remarriage.html

OP, look into pre-denominationalism

A predenominational Christian is a Christian or disciple of Christ who seeks to base all of his religious beliefs and practices upon the New Testament itself, starting with the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. He desires to recover original New Testament Christianity, or the faith once delivered unto the saints. He is neither Catholic nor Protestant and rejects any and all Catholic and Protestant traditions that are inconsistent with or contrary to the New Testament, no matter how deeply-entrenched these traditions may have become. His overriding goal is to be true to Christ and true to the New Testament.

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Marriages after the first one are concessions and aren't weighted as significantly or as meaningfully as the first one. The rites/vows are different. They're more "pragmatic" marriages in the sense that they're allowed so you can have help raising a family and have a companion.

This is anecdotal but at my church most people who have divorced or lost their spouse have never remarried.

My advice to you is to go to an Orthodox church and see how you feel when you're there. Don't make a decision based on "what church agrees with me more", but how your spirit feels.

Ok. I will take your advice and put my skepticism aside.

Look at photo? Orthodox are one of the most liberal sects of Christianity, far more liberal than protestants and Catholics. Why are you calling it bait?

pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/02/23/u-s-religious-groups-and-their-political-leanings/

Maybe it's the particular Orthodox Church I go to (women wear head-coverings and sit apart from men during services), but pic related is literally my reaction to the referenced line in your post. I cannot even wrap my head around such a concept.

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Pew research did a poll. Poll found orthodox lean more democrat than most other christian groups. What part of this is not true?