Is god evil?

I'll admit I'm an atheist but it's never been a set in stone thing. I can't prove God exists but I can't prove he doesn't exist, but that's not the point.

I suffer from incurable TRD (treatment resistant depression) and Bipolar 2 Disorder (periods of intense misery without the periods of mania associated with bipolar disorder). I've always had social anxiety but recently it's gotten to the point where I will break down and cry in public and need to hide in a washroom or something. Of course, I also have autism and feel completely alienated and outcasted from the rest of human society without any ability to truly connect with another individual. I have had no friends for several years and after a period of emotional abuse from my family I've abandoned them as well.

I've worked in the medical field for most of my life. I originally wanted to become a Personal Support Worker for the main reason of helping people. A few years ago I had to abandon that job because of worsening depression, and have been working minimum wage ever since because it's all I seem capable of.
Because I'm still capable of working, I'm unable to get any form of welfare for my condition, and cannot afford most of the treatments I'm on. I had about $100,000 saved but over the past decade it's dwindled down to about $20,000 and I'm seriously contemplating suicide because there is no purpose to life and very soon I won't be able to afford the medications I rely on to find the strength to get out of bed.

So here's my question for you, Zig Forums. I've been in church several times in my life and being told things like "God loves you" makes me clench my fists in rage. What kind of kind and loving god would put anyone through this? And there are people that have things much worse than I do, so what is God's plan for them? Why is he making them suffer without so much as even letting us know that, yes, he actually is out there watching us (and not so he can laugh at our misery)?

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What you are asking about is essentially the problem of evil. I can't give you a simple answer but it's something theologians have grappled with for a long time. You can read about some of the conclusions they've come to here.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Problem_of_evil

God is not the source of suffering, but he does allow suffering to happen because persevering through suffering strengthens and enriches your soul and faith, provided you do not let the suffering overcome you. This is very important because man, being in a fallen state, needs to be strengthened in his soul and his faith. To quote Romans 5:3-4:
And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.

When discussing the problem of evil it's important to establish that evil has no ontological substance of it's own. It is not a force opposite good, like Zoroaster taught, it is the lack of it. A lot of times when you ask Christians why evil and suffering exist they'll tell you it's because of free will. Those people are right just not in the way they think they are. They say that bad things happen because God allows people to do bad things. While that is true, that explanation doesn't fully answer the question. Evil exists because God gave humanity a choice between Him(which is all that good since God is the source of all good) and existence without him(which is to say evil.) The source of all suffering is evil and evil exists because God wanted to give a choice between Him and the lack of Him.

The first thing that needs to be considered in this question is who is God? Or, rather, who do you think that God is? If you seem to judge a criminal, you must first be fit to judge him, and to do that you cannot consider merely his acts but also his nature, his personaliy, and, most of all, his testemony. So, what do you think that we think God is, and what do YOU think God is, in nature, personality, and word?

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Love doesn't mean lack of discomfort.
Dumb-dumb.

Sidenote, this place has a bit of a problem with the deadly sin of wrath, or at least it's more subtle daughters. Don't let it get you down.

God is behind Satan,the epitome of evil. I say God transcends both good and evil.

You need to consider who is responsible for your life. God has absolute sovereignty but he allows others to do good or evil. The Bible says that God is love, and indeed your struggle is not new to him seeing as how there are countless men recounted in the Bible and outside the Bible who had suffered much worse and yet retained their faith in him. Have faith in him and read the Bible to get to know him.

(Mathew 7:13-14)
Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the way that leads to life, and only a few find it.

He's objectively good. In Deuteronomy 30:15-16, he acknowledges responsibility for every event out there; both positive and negative. However, he acknowledges that following his docrine would guarantee a good long term outcome. In contrast, Satan's path guarantees a bad long term outcome.

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