This is hard

Hi, first of all i apologize to all the real believers for my disbelief throughout the years. I did a lot of things wrong to our god and i beat myself / cut myself etc because of it i'm seriously sorry. don't be too hard on me. also i post on reddit but this i feel i can't/ don't want to i dunno. so well… i'm from a catholic / polish family but really fell away from it for a long time… but i felt a really strong feeling to come back.

Well so much so that my family got me engaged (my family is pretty tradish, i'm nineteen, the guy is great but my issue)

okay okay
ah okay well so… i guess crap
right i was abused probably i guess and stuff i'm not a virgin i guess? i don't know and stuff from stuff when i was younger and stuff and i don't know. i can't say i totally hated all of it. my mind was really messed up i .. god please well i can't i dunno. i in good conscious say that it was not all my fault. i went for confession before but i feel really before i actually get married that i have to figure this out. i'm deathly afraid of saying any/all of this. lord have mercy on me.

i hope you can see why i can't really talk about this. please don't say (everyone has heard this before). i wish i could pm on here so i could explain more. i don't know what to do. okay, i keep forgetting know one knows who i am here. i'm sorry. please help me brothers/sisters. kyrie eleison?

Attached: catholic-girls.jpg (700x988, 93.29K)

Other urls found in this thread:

theholyrosary.org/
theholyrosary.org/rosarybenefits
8ch.net/christian/res/670387.html#670387
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

my question is can i just wait about my past till afterwards? do i have say all about it before?

Say all of it before.

i'm worried it will ruin everything

If you mean to ask if you should confess before getting married, then yes. You should actually just confess as often as you can, especially when something is weighing on your conscience (which it very clearly is now). The priest is bound by the seal of Confession and isn't going to blab.

As to what you should tell your fiancé, that's a really delicate issue that I'm reluctant to comment on, especially since I don't know how Polish arranged marriages work. All I'll say is that if he's a righteous man he won't grill you on all the messy details of your past, and he'll forgive you for what you reveal just as God forgives you.

The Lord be with you, stranger. Take some deep breaths and remember that you are loved by a merciful God.

that's exactly what i'm asking… and well.. okay since it's really anonymous here.. it's like stuff of i guess i could call it abuse and stuff although i can't absolve myself of all guilt etc. i've confessed but i don't want to like all i feel like i'm a fraud if i get married to him and tell him, although am i damaged goods… please help.

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. Even though it would be extremely uncharitable of him to refuse to let your past go (especially since you are obviously repentant and there was some level of abuse involved), too many Christians have a hard time of living out Christian charity. Since you're here, and since you used that phrase "damaged goods," you probably have experience with some of the ugly things men say about women, and that might be influencing your intense feelings of unworthiness. All I can say is that I hope and pray that you're right about him being a great guy.

I truly wish I could help you more. I know a lot more about Christianity than I do about human relationships. I think the most help I can give you is to pray for you.

It sounds like you were sexually abused at a young age. You are not necessarily obliged to tell your fiance, or anyone (except confessing sins to a priest, and opening your heart to God). If you were very young, toy did not sin even if you think you enjoyed it or were coaxed into consenting. If you were old enough to make rational decisions, than you Mau shares some culpability, but an older person especially one in authority carries more responsibility.

I will say that while I don't think you're necessarily obliged to share with your fiance, I general you should not keep secrets from your spouse. You should be open to sharing yourself fully with your spouse. You must judge when is the right time.

i was beyond the age of reason and believe me… i hate myself :(

First of all you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. Your guilt is a sign that your contrition is sincere, and if your contrition is sincere then the Lord forgives you, no ifs or buts, so forgive yourself.

Secondly it's a rough situation. In my opinion you need to tell this guy before you get married if you feel like it's going to impact his choice. Marriage is a serious issue in Catholicism, once you get married you cannot go back, so I think you should put everything on the table beforehand to make sure both of you are going in with your eyes fully open. I'd like to think that the Lord would move his heart to accept you, because the fault is not yours, you were taken advantage of and abused, what you deserve is compassion and mercy, not judgement. But you need to be ready for him to call it off because if he's a hardline Trad Cath it could be a deal breaker.

Either way you're 19 and there are plenty of fish in the sea. I would look at it like this, if you tell him and he calls off the marriage then he was most likely an asshole and you dodged a bullet. If you tell him and he's sympathetic and forgives then your marriage will be all the stronger. There is nothing to lose and a lot to gain from being upfront.

Good luck, sister in Christ, I'll pray for you.