Neptune's Life Advice™
Have you ever had an appointment you didn't want to keep, or a responsibility you've wanted to avoid? Of course you have. We all have.
Well, the next time you find yourself facing a situation or a meeting you don't want to participate in, take Johnny Neptune's advice, and you can easily get out of ANY SITUATION.
Tell the people you're avoiding that you've got really bad diarrhea
I know, I know, you're thinking "there's no way I'm going to tell somebody about diarrhea", but pay attention…
it seems like a very uncomfortable thing to say to someone, AND IT IS INDEED VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. In fact, it's one of the most uncomfortable conversations you can have, which is exactly why you should feel comfortable saying it, lying to them, and offering up a story about how you're "squirting diarrhea out of your…."
That's as far as you'll get, because NO MATTER WHAT, no matter who it is, no matter how 'important' the situation is, no matter how 'urgent' your responsibility is, THEY WILL INTERRUPT YOU as soon as you start to describe diarrhea….
trust me….. they will NOT allow you to continue describing it. in fact, they'll tell you "Get The Fuck Out Of Here Right Now!!" Little will they realize that you didn't really have diarrhea at all. As soon as they hear the word 'diarrhea', their brain goes into fight or flight, and they will do anything to avoid hearing you go into descriptive detail.
It works every time, without fail.
Once you've used this technique, you'll be so impressed with how well it works, that you'll start using it all the time, shrugging responsibilities, being excused from meetings, missing appointments, etc etc etc
you'll be walking around telling everybody about your non-existent diarrhea….
don't be shy, tiger…..
try it…. you'll thank me later….
niddk.nih.gov
