This is pretty much a blog post, but I really don't know what else to do.
So, I'm Orthodox and I recently turned 33. I'm the oldest never married single man at my parish, and I keep trying to make friends/connections but nothing of value comes of my attempts. Basically all I encounter is indifference, liberals that just want to be Anglicans, alt-right incels, and thots. I've visted other parishes, hanged out, and dated in the Church, and even did online long distance dating but nothing really came of any of it.
I really don't know what to do at this point, I'm getting weird, and I just feel like I'm growing cold, and bitter. I have a Spiritual Father, and he didn't recommend it. That, and when I was younger I was on SSRIs which disqualifies me from a a lot of monasteries.
The only plan I really have at this point, is to get a TEFL, and maybe travel abroad to teach English in Orthodox countries.
So, you're disqualified from Ortho monasteries because you sought medical attention for a disorder? That makes absolutely zero sense.
Noah Harris
It might not be old, old but it's the point where you start feeling like you're way behind schedule on getting your life together. Most of my friends are married and have kids.
Jordan Butler
I don't feel old. I'm in good shape, live comfortably. I just feel out of sync with everyone and thing though.
Nope.
Not saying it makes sense, just saying that door is shut for me here.
Yup.
Zachary Garcia
Sounds like you need to do something new and maybe try going to places you've never been before. Don't be embarrassed being a single man at 33, married life is not a fail or win result for your life. You could go the rest of your life without contact with anyone, and the value and the worth of the experience would not change dependent on how you perceived it. Being insecure about what you don't have can make you socially awkard as you try and make excuses for it. The best thing you can do is be a good person and give of yourself in a fair manner when it is required. You are the same as the Lord when he passed, you might get to live twice the amount of length and never experience the amount of burden and suffering. Be thankful and find peace, and then help others achieve theirs. Your needs and cares at 40, 50, 60 etc will so different that you will wonder why you ever complained about anything.
Brandon White
You might want to get actual confirmation of that and, if true, you might want to consider conversion to a church that doesn't disparage those who seek medical attention.
Thomas Nelson
I did. I'm not really keen on leaving though.
Nathaniel Reed
Don't beat yourself up, OP. As far as I'm aware, Justin Martyr never married or became a monastic, and he lived to about the age of 65 before he finished his race and won his crown.
Easton Adams
Yeah, you're right. Just frustrated.
Dominic Adams
We all get frustrated, user. Believe me, I'm going through some similar stuff and I'm about a decade younger than you. Just remember that God loves you and wants the best for you. Plus, we're always here for you.
Jacob Robinson
Can someone confirm that taking anti-depressants in the past bans you from becoming an Orthodox monastic? this sounds kind of bizarre, and I've thought of becoming a monastic but I took them when I was younger also.
Julian Cruz
Well you see - just because people are not orthodox, doesn't mean you cannot befriend them. Go to Catholic groups, go to protestant groups, go do something you like (a hobby I mean) together in a group of enthusiasts which aren't directly related to your church or the Christian religion in first place - for example a gym, a football club, chess, drawing, swimming, volleyball, hunting, carpenter work (yes, there are interest groups even for such things), literature, …. I don't know what your interests and hobbies are, but I'm almost sure that unless you live in rural alaska, there will be a group for you. That's the error people make often. Being Christian doesn't mean to recluse yourself or to have contact exclusively to other Christians (or of your particular denomination). Being Christian means being called to go out and be compassionate. And how can you do that other than going out and meeting people ? And in the process you can easily meet one or two people - maybe even to lay foundation for a life-long and loyal friendship. Just get out there. And don't you forget or misrepresent - monasticism is always a vocation. You don't become monk just "because you hate the world". Quite the opposite. Wishing to become monk just because you're bitter would be your own defeat, because you don't become one out of sheer conviction and God telling you to do so.
God bless, I'm sure you'll make your way
Christopher King
As stipulated above, this is my personal experience. That, and my main deciding factor was my spiritual father didn't think it would be helpful for me, so that's the main reason I'm not pursing it.
Also, the policy of the OCA, and ROCOR, and Greek Chruch in regards to the guidelines of ordination require that clergyman will have a psychological test and criminal background before being received. It maybe a case by case bases but at some monasteries, namely the ones I visited it was grounds for not being received as novice along with past sins, and experience.
Don't let my experience stop you, by all means keep pursing it, and pray for it.
Good advice, appreciate it.
Leo Price
that seems so weird that past sins would keep you from being a monastic when there have been monastics like St. Moses the Black, St. Mary of Egypt, and St. Augustine.
Jacob Martinez
yeah, I know. But monasteries are different now. A lot won't go over 12 monks/novices including the abbot. As stated with Justin Martyer, you can still live as a monastic in the world though.
Having a history of mental illness disqualifies you from becoming a monastic. This is for your own sake, for the most part.
Julian Foster
Yeah, I begomed Orthodox last year and I honestly feel incredibly depressed.
I miss my large Baptist church, I miss going to my Baptist family camp every year where there would literally be hundreds of conservative girls, in skirts, who grew up in large families, and many of whom were interested in starting some of their own. It was the only place where I ever heard women speak highly of biblical gender roles - in every Orthodox parish in my area, the young women have been more or less affected by feminism.
I visited two monasteries - previous to spending time in them, I was super excited about my Orthodox faith. The first was small (four guys) and old calendarist, they all seemed to lack a basic knowledge of what Catholics or Protestants really believed (I heard, when I was there, that the Catholics never mentioned the Resurrection or the name of Christ during their Mass, and that Protestants literally prayed to the Bible.) Two of the men had pretty serious mental illnesses, and another definitely seemed gay.
Second monastery was larger, but also was just depressing, honestly. No light of Christ - no joy in their lives. Once again, many of the monks had mental illness. Nearly all the monks hated women. By the time I had finished my week's stay, I wondered if the Orthodox Church was only comprised of incels.
David Sullivan
I don't really wonder anymore. The TEFL looks promising, and they're always looking for people to teach English. That and hopefully I can snag a women since they have more single women who attend Liturgy regularly.
