So, I used to be a buddhist for a few years before converting (theravadan, no new age bullshit but actual buddhism based in visuddhimaga and the tipitaka). I was fairly happy despite this giant hole in my life of meaninglessness. I realised eventually that the dhamma had no meaning, and ultimately nothing really have meaning without any transcendant reality. Anyway, after a lot of study and self searching I made a leap into christianity, orthodoxy (not because of memes but because it resonated with my previous faith, but made it complete in Christ). However, ever since I have so much anxiety, stress and doubt in pretty much every aspect of my life, I always feel guilt and an overall depressed and miserable state of existence. Now I am aware that shouldn't be the case but it is, I have not had peace since I started believing in Christ. I fear being far from God, I fear eternal damnation, I fear I am doing things wrong and I'll end up rejected by him, I fear being in the wrong church, the wrong faith, everything. I even started desiring other women more, desiring things that are sinful more than I used to. Now I recently looked back to when I used to be a practicing buddhist and Idk if I went wrong somewhere… but I can't go back. At the point I am I think evidence for God's existence and historicity of the resurection is too strong to ignore, and doing so would also spell damnation on me.
How to get that peace that Paul talked about? Why is it that peace seems impossible under christianity but the bible speak about it constantly. How to be at peace knowing a lot of righteous people go to hell anyway? What am I to deserve eternal life with God? My prayers feel useless. How to be at peace never knowing? Never feeling it? My faith feels weak and I don't feel healed by God but the opposite. I know all this is my own fault and I feel like shit for it but I don't know what to do prayers don't help and my spiritual father don't care.
Tl;dr I am miserable as fucc ever since I converted and I don't know what to do anymore.
So, I used to be a buddhist for a few years before converting (theravadan...
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Righteous people don't go to hell. If someone "righteous" goes to Hell, then they were never righteous in the eyes of God to begin with, meaning that they were never in fact just.
If you accept Christianity in its fullest implications, God becomes the objective, everything else is relative.
No, the fact that you are realizing this is God calling out to you, but you must repent and be baptized.
You're not supposed to actually feel it, it's all faith. Faith is not the same as feeling, though you may be granted genuine feelings from God as you pursue Him.
I recommend reading the Scriptures and the Church Fathers.
Woah there, where did you get this from?
Look, Christianity is not a happy pill, I'll tell you that. If it makes you feel any better, I've been one my entire life and I got that happy pill moment but a few times. Since I'm a Catholic I can't condone Orthodoxy, but I have to ask you, have you been receivng the sacraments? Because when you're in a state of mortal sin you become even more susceptible to sin because you're separated from God's grace. So go to confession and receive communion every Sunday.
Secondy, pray to st. Michael to defend you from evil influences, you can easily find the prayer online.
As for prayers being effective, what I've found is that they don't come into effect right away, it takes a while. For me, I've noticed that usually a seemingly coincidental series of events results in what I prayed for.
I can empathize user. I feel the same way sometimes. Somethings that help me when I feel fearful or hopeless and when I can't focus on prayer is to read the texts of the philokalia. The fathers that write in the philokalia dispense priceless wisdom with regards to life and prayer and their stories are truly awe-inspiring. While the reading of these texts for inspiration may lead to sentimentality, the example of godly men with absolute faith in prayer will orient your understanding and practice of prayer. Without this faith in prayer you will have nothing. To attain faith in prayer you must ask God. This may sound paradoxical but God gives freely to those who ask with their whole heart. In short, all things are given through prayer and if you find yourself lacking faith in prayer then prayer itself will solve that. Devote a good amount of time and thought to prayer, pray faithfully and dutifully, and God will have mercy on you and because He loves you He will give to you.
Well, Orthodoxy largely views it as state of soul depending on relation with God, meaning that if someone is in torment, it's he who is tormenting himself due to hatred and abhorrence against God and cant really blame someone else for this. You can read book related, its a small one and easier to read. Though I admit, that it sounds a bit biased towards western Christianity, but it shouldn't be the real focus, its just a nice start I think.
You are child of God, made in His image and likeness. But you must accept HIm as your Father. For this, you must accept Christ, fully God and Fully Man, for "no man knoweth the Son, but the Father; neither knoweth any man the Father, save the Son, and he to whomsoever the Son will reveal him."
Also, participate in church life, receive sacraments and go to confessions more often. Read Bible and Church fathers.
What you generally feel is your soul struggling and is common in new converts as far as I know. It will fade away slowly, as you'll become more devout and active church member.
I hope it helps somehow.
I feel so far from God I don't feel worthy of the sacraments, in the state I am I feel ashamed just walking in church. At this point I think even my presence is not right amongst true faithful
Your fear comes from misunderstand.
God isn't a bad guy just waiting on some excuse to send you to your suffering.
Sin is a spectrum so you can't commit no bad things at all. That is the meaning of the Fall of Man, that our very essence has been tainted by Sin and Death.
So what we are called to do is commit less of it as to strengthen our communion with God. Made possible by the victory of Death through the Cross.
Don't let perfectionism get on the way of progress. For that, you must first accept the Fall.
Every time I pray it feels like I spout empty words just to fulfill some kind of duty, following a prayer rules even more kills any desire to pray. This morning I began crying mid prayer and stopped there because I realise how much I didn't care anymore and how I don't even believe God hear me or care about these written prayers.
But life without God is utterly meaningless, but I can't seem to get into a life with God either. It all feels fake, Lord help my unbelief
What?
Hey, I know quite a bit about buddhism too, since i'm ethnically Sinhalese. Good that you studied theravada buddhism, and found out it was nonsense. Yeah buddhaghosa who wrote the visuddhimaga came to the conclusion that even then (around the 4th century or so? could be wrong) that the "dhamma" was too damaged already and he only hoped to be born again into a more favorable birth to get liberation from Maitreya. it's all nonsense and I can go into a lot more detail about all the flaws of it, but yeah i'll save that for another topic.
Actually after coming back to the faith (i am catholic) I have found a lot more peace actually, but it takes time. For a while it's quite hard, it's part of the purgative part of this path, it's hard and you have to learn to trust God more and more. The more you are able to, the more incredibly free you start to feel. Things will still be hard at times, but you just start to believe God will take care of you in the end. Believe that everything is happening for a reason.
As for people going to hell, actually it really discomforts me to think if many people go to Heaven, I still don't really understand why people want this. We have to know that God is infinitely just, so even if i ended up in Hell, I would have to know that that's what I truly wanted and God was just in putting me there. Also I don't want all these crappy people to get into Heaven, it would be terrible. But i'll trust God with his judgement.
Keep striving for staying on the narrow path that leads to Heaven. I don't believe it is easy to get into heaven, it takes a lot of work and struggling with sin. Just hold on, keep learning and studying the faith. Hopefully you are Catholic or Orthodox at the least, if you aren't i'd strongly recommend looking at the Catholic faith. Contemplative prayer would probably be great for you to take part in. This book called "The Cloud of Unknowing": transfer.sh
is great about true contemplative prayer. But you should sacramentally confess before this - I have some experience with being in a state of mortal sin and doing this and I have had some pretty weird / bad experiences, well enough for me to think that I should stop this and wait till I confess.
Anyways as for your main question, there's a lot of stuff to read. St. John of the Cross might also be of interest to you. Since you said you have a spiritual father i'm hoping your catholic. It's probably best to get a new one if they aren't helping you. Also through the difficult times, endure them patiently and keep reading, keep studying and praying. It will get better, and myself personally as well… I used to be very anxious or worried about things, and even when I screw up, I seriously have some weird confidence that God of course knew I was going to make this wrong choice and will help me out now, and so far it's always been going good. And times when it seemed to not work out, I just remember I was commanded, literally commanded not to worry and I don't and later after a while it turns out that things are actually working out even better. And for the things that I don't get yet I just try to trust God more and more. Things that have happened many years ago i'm starting to see them working out now or seeing the meaning of it. In some senses it's beautiful - i'm like, who wrote this story of my life.
Hope this was of some help.
Try reading the Desert Fathers.
go away
Are you a woman? You type the way my sister talks when she's PMSing.
Thank you for this post my friend
If you could go into all the flaws of it actually I'd really appreciate it
It seems one of your VOs has accidentally deleted something important again, but worry not, I have your back so you can learn.
Here.
my.mixtape.moe
Did you know? It is Zig Forums tradition that it is usually I who has the last laugh.
It's pretty hot today though, 36C in my area, so I'll just passively frustrate you while I eat a delicious whole weat bread with some herbed land on it.
It's delicious, you should try it sometime.
Especially if you squeeze a clove of garlic over it.
Imagine all the less stress y'all could have if you were a bit less thin skinned.
I rarely even insult anyone too, I just post, never use any stupid memes, but hahahaha, everybody keeps flipping their shit.
Anyway, eat some Griebenschmalz on your bread sometime.
The tribe that consumes and relishes the boar has always been extremely powerful.
lard.
Sorry, typing with one hand.
The cholesterol is great for hormone building (lel hey, it's a PSM segue) and cell pliability, along with the saturated fats, they're actually really good for y'all, provided you don't overdo it.
Good stuff. Good stuff, indeed.
...
You probably feel this way because you're not really saved. Now you might be thinking, "no man knows what's in another man's heart" and that's true, but if you believe that you can be rejected by God for making a mistake then you are not really saved. We are saved by Grace through Faith…
Acts 16:30-31
>And brought them out, and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved? And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.
And salvation is a gift…
Romans 6:23
>For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
If someone gives you a gift, does it come with conditions? Can they take the gift back if you upset them? Of course not, no one would do that, or else it wouldn't be a gift.
Grace is alive. Grace is life. When someone gives you a dog and you do not feed them you will not have dog in no time.
Also:
For what things a man shall sow, those also shall he reap. For he that soweth in his flesh, of the flesh also shall reap corruption.
This will never stop being funny to me, ahhh.
Just like that thread with the fuck and nigger wordfilter.
The BO and VOs cuck you because they can't let a "pagan" win.
Now you even shun nutritious advice. Lel.
Ahh, if you'd grow a millimeter of foreskin each time you make me laugh then you wouldn't have to be sad about it all the time anymore since you'd be able to cover the entirety of Israel with anti aging cream, each.
Dear brother in Christ, know that your contrition of heart is not in vain. You may be blind to what benefit your suffering has, this is very likely due to bhuddist misconceptions towards suffering. I offer you to read psalm 23 in regards to this, as the rod is symbolic of punishment.
For those of us who wish to be sons of God, what better evidence is there for him being our father than giving us bitter medicine to improve our state of sickness(sin). This line of reasoning is all throughout the bible. To provide an example, when I was young, I broke into my dad's car to get something that was meant as a gift, I was spanked, and for this I repented and have not become a thief due to being reprimanded in such a way. This is how we must view, in part, our suffering if we are to call ourselves son's of God.
As for tears, they are a truly precious gift as the fathers say, for what means after baptism do we have to wash away our sins. Do not run from this precious gift, but instead listen to what they tell you, do you weep for a brother? your lack of prayer? Your multitude of sins? They soften your heart as water softens clay to be formed by The Master. Repent! You see your lowly estate, how can you change it except by changing your ways. It is impossible for man, to change, but in God all things are possible, so let us pray for us to be transformed towards his likeness. I tell you, you have already started this it shows from your suffering, but we are blind.
If you struggle to pray with a rule(although your tears say elsewise, but we come under assault by our passions just at the moment we need them to be silent) Look into the Jesus Prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." With this it is possible to follow the command "Pray without ceasing." 1Thes5:17. The Way of a Pilgrim is a fantastic(and easy) book on this subject.
You rightly say that we do not deserve the sacraments, for what man is righteous in his own right? Go to the good doctor, let him heal you.
As other user's have suggested, "Sayings of the Desert Fathers" is a fantastic book, I believe it will help you immensely. They speak of a state which is foreign to the carnal world, joyful mourning, as our sins become more apparent as we approach the One who has no sin, yet still receive his great blessings we certainly do not deserve.
I will pray for you brother, and likewise I ask for you to also pray for my own wretched soul.
Apologies for posting again, but to clarify some language for you: In Greek, repent is metanoia, which translates better as: To change one's mind/ways, or To change directions.
Sin in Greek is an archery term which means to miss the mark.
I pray for your forgiveness for my verbosity.
No, you retard. Grace is not alive, and you can't back that up with scripture. Also, I never said grace was the gift; salvation is the gift. That's literally what the scripture says. I'm trying to give OP the Gospel and you just want to make stuff up and try to get in the way with your vain jangling.
There are sins unto death, blind one.
I'll pray for you and thank you for your post, it warms my heart. I need to see God's work even in my suffering. I'll go to confession this sunday and take the sacraments after so long.
Sounds like you believe you ought to be Christian and believe in God but you haven't actualized this hope.
I recommend reading these books:
Abiding in Christ, by Andrew Murray
The Hope of the Gospel, George Macdonald
The Philokalia, orthodox classic
The Way of the Pilgrim, anonymous Russian
And of course meditate on the bible, don't just read it like a novel. Psalms, proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Paul's epistles, gospel of John, genesis, Job…Isaiah…these are my favourites.
Also meditate on how Christ and the prophets lived. God is good, take refuge in him and hand over all your sins and worries to him and you will be free.
Indeed I lack this hope, I'll check the books thanks my friend
bruce charlton, a very interesting christian blogger, just posted this today: charltonteaching.blogspot.com
interesting coincidence.
i kind of relate to you. i know christianity is true, i have no doubt about it. the historicity of the resurrection, the miracles of the saints, the efficacy of exorcisms done in the name of jesus. i could go on, i could write a whole book on apologetics, the materialistic worldview we absorb from the media, from highschool textbooks, from public atheists like dawkins and dennett, it's completely flimsy. the spiritual is very much real.
i too struggle with sexual temptation, it makes me miserable because i know it's a sin. when i renounce it and decide i'll just be 100% committed to God, i feel blissful.
christianity is too good to be true. God loves us. i can feel this. everything feels completely right when i decide to be serious about my christianity.
that's a pretty spooky picture you posted. some people say they became possessed when meditating. maybe you could look into getting deliverance.
Lol.
Maybe if awake-ism and anointedone-ianity both seem hellish to you, maybe do a few hours of breath meditation or mental prayer a day?
Yeah, under the Mosaic Law, which Christians are not bound to, you absolute retard. Blind one? Speak for yourself.
16He that knoweth his brother to sin a sin which is not to death, let him ask, and life shall be given to him, who sinneth not to death. There is a sin unto death: for that I say not that any man ask. 17All iniquity is sin. And there is a sin unto death.
I didn't get this understanding from the OT, user.