God literally makes you gay

Pretty much this. It is a mental/spiritual disease born of lust for strange flesh. God does not make one gay or catch a flu.

Stop noticing patterns, you'll get banned.

Jesus loves you, user. Everyone gets a cross. Our crosses are the ships which will carry us to heaven if we embrace them. Yours might be a little more embarrassing than others, but others are bigger or hurt more to carry. Jesus weighed your cross out before the world began, specifically fitting it to you. He knows you better than you know yourself, so you should be super confident that you can definitely carry it with his help.

Remember that the best way we know that Jesus loved us is that he died for us while we were still sinners. Embracing suffering, and especially death, for someone else proves your love for them. Also, Jesus is Infinite Justice. He longs dearly, with a burning furnace of love, to give you a big reward forever in heaven, but he needs you to earn that reward before he can give it to you. The only way you can earn that reward for Jesus is by loving him back. And… the best way you can prove your love is by embracing suffering for a little while here on earth!

So I suggest that you go on NOT sinning, and every day try to make your soul more and more beautiful to Jesus by bringing him all your pain and desire and asking him to help you with it. If you do that faithfully, and live a life of purity of body and soul, then when your short time down here is up, you'll have forever and ever to spend with the best friend you could ever imagine, okay?

Listen to me, user…do NOT visualize Borat’s face.