Explain confession to a protestant

So since I'm a dumdum protestant, I don't agree with most of the specifically Catholic beliefs, but confession (at least what I see of it in movies and other media) seems like a good thing to do. Not that confessing your sins to some guy will give you forgiveness, but the idea of saying them just to come clean about things seems healthy to me and doing so to the priest sounds like a convenient place to do so. So could a Catholic user explain what exactly happens at confession so my only impressions of it aren't from movies? And why haven't protestants picked up on this or at least have their own version of it?

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orthodoxchristian.info/pages/confession.htm
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The important thing to remember is that we don't go confess to "some guy" but to Christ whom the priest is in the person of. That's why, at the end, the priest says "I forgive you" instead of "Christ forgives you" or something like that. It's really Christ to whom we confess. As for what we actually "do", we simply make a sign of the cross, then say how long it was since our last confession, and then say how we sinned. We're only obligated to confess grave sins because by committing them we lose the grace of God, hence the need for "reconciliation" through the sacrament of penance. Confessing lesser offenses is recommended, though. So, confession would probably go something like "Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been 3 weeks since my last confession. Since my last confession, I have missed mass 1 time, entertained impure thoughts 4 times, sinned agaisn't charity 2 times, etc…" Basically, you examine your conscience beforehand so you can give the priest a good idea of the state of your soul. When your done, your priest will give you advice and assign you a penance. The penance is usually something like "say 3 Our Fathers", depending on the severity of your sins. The penance is mostly symbolic for the further penance you'll do on your own. Finally, the priest will ask your to say an act of contrition, and it ends with him giving you absolution. You should do your penance after coming out of the confessional so you don't forget it. And you can say a prayer to thank God for his forgiveness, as Christ's Blood washes your soul as clean as it was right after your baptism.

High church prots have it.
Also, heres a part describing its history.
orthodoxchristian.info/pages/confession.htm

That kind of confession you desire is public in nature, neither Romanism nor contemporary low-church Protestantism has this.
It is. See Proverbs 28:13, Psalm 32:5, and James 5:16. In fact, it is law: See Lev. 26:40-42, Num 5:6-7, but notice here the confessor is confessing to the whole congregation of Israel, not a single priest.
Rome is partially to blame. Like I said, confession is a private affair to Rome, which is not conducive to the nature of Biblical society or ecclesiology. Alas, besides the Puritans, much of Protestantism continued to keep confession, if they kept it, a private affair contrasted.
The other side is Protestantism from the 19th century onward took a heavy antinomian view of moral living, thanks to dispensationalism among other doctrines. This neutered the church's teaching on sin, public and private, which de-emphasized the seriousness of sin's infraction against God and fellow man. Naturally, this also neutered the Gospel since if we don't have to follow God's law and if sin does not have to be exposed, why is Gospel so badly needed? Why follow God's desire for the faith to be a public faith?

Sounds blasphemous.

Yeah, Jesus got that a lot, too.

He said therefore to them again: Peace be to you. As the Father hath sent me, I also send you. When he had said this, he breathed on them; and he said to them: Receive ye the Holy Ghost. Whose sins you shall forgive, they are forgiven them; and whose sins you shall retain, they are retained.

Priest says "your sins are forgiven", without mentioning who forgives them. It is still God forgiving sins even though of course priest is acting in persona Christi. The same way priest is acting in person of Christ during the mass but it's God sacrificing himself for us, not priest.

I think OP could understand this like if priest thinks of himself like he's God, he's not. Subtle difference but important one, like many in the teaching of Catholic Church.

The priest definitely "I absolve you". If he didn't, the confession would be invalid.

definitely says*

Protties used to have it you are probably just in a church that threw it out. As said the priest is a stand in for Jesus. The reason it works is because we are telling our sins to another member of the Church and Jesus as Paul told us to do. Trust me telling a priest you fap and look at porn is not exactly easy to do. Oh you then say an act of contrition where the priest bears witness to you openly praying to Jesus to forgive your sins and keep you on the right path. Anyway once you confess the Priest tells you "I absolve you of your sins." speaking as a stand in for Jesus. Also you will be given penance based on the severity of your sins there is a thread up now where some user who did a ton of stuff has to go on like a 3000 mile trip that's usually a severe case usually it is just praying, reading specific bible verses or some act of charity.

There are EXTREME examples however where you might end up excommunicated until you make things right.