Law Enforcement Agencies worldwide are on the lookout for a 'Person Of Interest' who has been sticking a piece of Twizzlers candy in front of unsuspecting people's faces, often resulting in forcing the victims to smile or even laugh.
One of the victims, a bearded man who likes to remain unhappy, spoke with reporters. "I was minding my own business, standing there being very serious, when suddenly a piece of Twizzlers candy started wiggling in front of my face. I tried to ignore it and remain serious, but it was very invasive."
It appears that the world has reached a point where you can't even be serious anymore.
this is a travesty of justice, because the guy with the beard technically grabbed the Twizzler, then destroyed the evidence by eating it.
I think he should've called the police, but he took the law into his own hands.
Brayden Ortiz
you STUPID PIECE OF SHIT, he did call the police. That's why the police are searching for the candy bandit.
God DAMN, you're a fucking idiot !
FUCK YOU
Henry Brooks
I'm an attorney, and I tend to agree with the user who says the 'victim' destroyed the evidence.
Kevin Edwards
THIS JUST IN!!
it's happened again! This time, the candy bandit has victimized a female.
The police say that this time, instead of sticking the Twizzlers candy near the left side of his victim's face, he lowered it from above the victim.
This has led to speculation that the candy bandit may have been using a ladder, or was perhaps suspended from the ceiling.
Connor Nguyen
SEE ?!! she destroyed the evidence, too!
Kevin Murphy
QUESTION: do the police even know if the suspect is a male or a female?
Jonathan Howard
At least we know that the candy bandit only targets white people.
Obviously, these are hate crimes.
It's probably a nigger.
Noah Moore
you spoke too soon. The candy bandit has struck again, and this time they victimized a black woman.
It looks like your little 'hate' crime's theory is complete BULLSHIT !!
Mason Campbell
Hold on a minute here…. The first attack came from the bearded guys left side. The next attack was from above the white lady. Then, this most recent attack was from the black woman's right side.
I'm starting to see a pattern here.
My educated guess is that the next victim will be a black male, and the candy bandit will attack from directly underneath the victim.
Wyatt Roberts
BREAKING NEWS !!
the candy bandit has done it again
Connor Murphy
dude, apparently, the candy bandit read your prediction, and decided to attack from above.
thanks to YOU, everyone was keeping an eye directly beneath them, giving the bandit an opportunity to climb up on a ladder.
Logan Walker
FALSE FLAG !!
these 'victims' are all paid actors
Sebastian Allen
I just saw a report on NBC that said Police have notified the public not to waste their time looking underneath them.
it looks like you played a role in assisting law enforcement in this tragic case
Aiden Long
I just saw the same story on Fox News. The police said there's no need to bother being vigilant looking underneath you.
That's a relief, because I've been sitting her with my gun, staring down underneath me, waiting for this candy bandit bastard to try his luck with me.
Now I can relax, and start focusing on looking above me.
Carson Gomez
Me too. I'm a white woman who has been anxiously paying undue attention to what happens underneath me. I enjoy being serious, and I've been very worried someone will sneak up from underneath me and not allow me to remain serious.
Jack Powell
NEWS FLASH !!
the unimaginable has occurred!
The Twizzlers Candy Bandit has just prevented a white woman from being serious.
Connor Baker
Hi. It's me again. I'm the white woman who just posted a couple of minutes ago
THATS ME IN THE VIDEO.
I was enjoying my seriousness, no longer looking down, having been told by the police that the candy bandit will not attack from underneath….
THEY WERE WRONG !!
I feel so violated right now
Evan Wood
you're pretty fucking hot. I'd like to do some Butthole Skyping with you from underneath
Andrew Adams
Were any white men harmed (further than they already are by society) from this obviously provocative action?
I'm looking at the original victim, and I'm beginning to think he looks a little bit like a Muslim with that beard.
And while he claimed to be 'serious', he seems more 'angry', or maybe even 'guilty of something'.
is it possible that he did this to himself, reaching his own arm up around and dangling the Twizzler candy in front of his own face, just to create subterfuge, and then he could set about attacking other people ?
C'mon back, Johnny! gf just brought over a bottle of wine (knowing my proclivities) and I proceeded to pour it all over my face and beard. (Eeyore helped) Luckily, there is a swallow left! I'll probably take it while this bitch finishes sucking my cock. Nothing like posting while getting yor cock sucked!
