Zig Forums User Impregnates EIGHT Nurses During Hospital Visit

Zig Forums users will all remember when Johnny Neptune had to go to the hospital back on November 1st of last year with a reported case of priapism.

It's been almost six months, and the hospital staff is pleased to announce that all 8 of the nurses who treated Neptune that day are all very pregnant, and very happy.

Dr. Jim Woods of Navicent Health is reportedly uset about these 8 bumps in the road, having told reporters, "I could only fuck one or two of these nurses at a time, and I'm a doctor, but Johnny Neptune struts into our emergency room last year, complaining about a throbbing erection, and suddenly all 8 nurses are pregnant with his children. He's not even a doctor. He's just some asshole who shows up out of the blue asking all of our nurses to examine his genitals."

Fox News reported last November that Neptune's erection wasn't really a case of priapism, and that's just a sneaky technique Neptune has been using for decades, manipulating women to examine his penis.

All 8 nurses are happy and excited about their pregnancies, each nurse expecting to give birth on the same day in early July.

Stacy Chadsworth is the best looking nurse out of the group, and she told reporters, "we are all excited to be giving birth to 8 babies, all of them boys, and all of them are sure to be little shitposting, little 8champs"

We tried reaching Neptune for comments, but he is rumored to have left town, seeking medical attention in another city, for an alleged pain in his groin.

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I already heard about this story a couple months ago. I've gone ahead and purchased 8 gifts for the baby showers.

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I guess that means we'll have 8 new shitposters to deal with in here towards the end of the year?

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With all of Neptune's speech-to-text typos, it's going to be hard to tell the difference between him or one of his eight shitposting offspring.

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CANCER!

Kids should not be allowed to own those things until - at least - 13 years of age. Parents who buy their kids smartphones are reckless and stupid!

Even though babies can't spell, I'm worried that eventually one of the babies will randomly type something accurate about me

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You are correct. Mathematically speaking, even a little baby will eventually randomly type out an actual word in the middle of all the gibberish

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web.archive.org/web/20190326135515/https://8ch.net/n/res/760125.html

REAL NEWS finally

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where is the "I reported you" fag on this thread? This clearly is fake news.
So, where is the "reporter"