The Museum Of Bad Art Exists

okwhatever.org/topics/things/terrible-paintings

That terrible painting you saw on the curb the other day might have looked like trash to you, but to one Boston-area museum, it’s a piece of fine art.

You won’t find any Mona Lisas at the Museum of Bad Art, where all that is weird, wacky, and awful gets a nail in the wall. Instead, you’ll find paintings of ferrets in brothels, women riding lobsters, and anatomically incorrect nudes, all divided up into cleverly-titled categories such as “Poor Traits,” “Look Ma, No Hands!” and “Oozing My Religion.”

“We’re not collecting kitsch or schlock, you know, dogs playing poker, things that are produced commercially like that,” Curator-in-Chief Michael Frank told OK Whatever. “We collect pieces that were made in what I believe was an honest attempt to make an artistic statement, to create real art, and clearly something has gone wrong, either in the execution or the original concept.”

Frank — who is also a professional musician and balloon artist — is part of a group of art-loving volunteers that help run the museum, which was founded in the early 1990s and located in the basement of an independent movie theater in Somerville, Massachusetts, for the last decade.

okwhatever.org/topics/things/terrible-paintings

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I should toss paint on a canvas, call myself a "liberal progressive" and sell it for $10,000 at a NY auction then!!

Why not?…..

You've called me a progressive liberal before, and I've sold complete crap paintings for $16,000

got it

The criteria here isn't 'that something went wrong along the way, either in the execution or the concept'

The real criteria in this case is people who didn't know how to sell artwork

Because it doesn't have to be a Rembrandt to charge client thousands of dollars for one of your paintings, and it's really not that hard to sell a painting to a client. It's just about confidence.

In summary, not only were these people no good at illustrating or painting, but they were equally as bad at marketing themselves and convincing somebody the artwork had value.

They didn't believe in themselves

So of course nobody else believed in them either

The irony about art:

It has whatever value you say it has

Nothing more and nothing less…..

I have painted really complicated large exquisite tedious artwork that was close to perfection when I was younger and naive, and I didn't believe in myself or my artwork enough, and I foolishly asked for too little in payment…

Conversely, I have charged exorbitant amounts of money for really small easy quick artwork which didn't take very long to execute, and the clients never scoffed at the price…..

It's not about the 'art of the deal'
It's about the 'deal of the art'

If you want to be an artist, that's EASY
if you want to survive creating artwork, HARDER

professional commercial artists don't have time to sit around creating artwork and hoping it sells one day

I don't paint ANYTHING without a 50% down payment, and the other 50% deferred balance due immediately upon completion of the job

So you're selling something that doesn't exist yet

You're selling a hypothetical

And that's not easy to do, unless you know how to do it

To be a really good professional commercial artist, you must first be a really good CON ARTIST

CON = CONFIDENCE

You have to make your client confident that you can back up your claims

You have to give them confidence you are capable of executing the artwork you are about to sell to them

Then, once you receive your 50% down payment, that's when you better be a good fucking artist

However there is a unique phenomenon associated with being a professional artist:

When you are younger and you're not even selling your art yet, you are passionate about the ART

then once you start charging money things begin to change

Eventually you become passionate about MONEY

Then you turn around and realize you don't even care about the art anymore

I was so happy when I did my first piece of professional artwork, charging $20 to illustrate something for my first grade teacher.

I was elated and proud !!

when I was 12 I got paid $3,600 to illustrate my first magazine cover, and I knew that's what I wanted to do with my life, to be a professional illustrator….

By the time I was in my mid-20s charging $16,000 for a mural, I began to lose my passion for the art, and instead began focusing on how many square feet of mural I was painting, and dividing it into the $16,000, etc etc etc

Some of the shittiest art work I've ever done in my life was when I got hired by Warner Brothers, and I was being flown around the country and booked into really expensive hotel suites, because I was focusing on eating the very best most expensive food, buying really expensive clothes and drugs, living in really expensive high rise apartments, buying really expensive presents for my girlfriend, but I had absolutely no passion for my artwork and I didn't care if it was good or not.

These days I don't care about the money OR the artwork

These days I really don't care about anything

I have no passion for anything anymore

I don't even like music anymore

I hate the human race… I fucking hate people…

I hate this planet

I hate this goddamn planet and every human being that lives on it, and I don't give a fuck what happens to me or anybody else anymore.

The only thing that makes me happy is helping animals and seeing that they are happy

There was a time I had become so good at selling artwork (that didn't exist yet) I was on fire, I was a lightning bolt, I was unstoppable !

I would actually make cold calls on the telephone, speaking to business owners I had never met, and getting them to agree to a 50% down payment of $3,500 within a 2 or 3 minute phone call…

And I would never even go follow through

I had become addicted to the SALE

My mother was a professional executive recruiter for one of the biggest firms in America, and she saw my sales techniques, and told me I was the best salesman she had ever seen in her life…

She wasn't just saying that because I was her son

She was correct.. I had become the best salesman

I was so addicted to selling my artwork, that I was just looking for the 'high' of convincing people into investing thousands of dollars in one phone call, but I never even went to pick up the money or start the job…

I was just amped, buzzed as fuck, on a natural surging high, simply from realizing my ability to manipulate people out of money at the drop of a hat.

I didn't care about the art anymore

And I didn't even care about the money at this point

I only cared about the SALE

CLOSING THE DEAL

Just hearing them say "yes" was good enough

And I would never go meet them or follow through with the deal I just sold…

It's not the same anymore… I'm not a good salesman at all anymore… Not even a little bit…

They say 'once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic', but that's not true… I used to be a terrible alcoholic, one of the worst alcoholics you've ever seen, but I stopped drinking and I'm not an alcoholic anymore…

And the same goes for salesmanship, or anything else for that matter I suppose

Because I don't sell anything anymore, and I have no desire to start again.

I got that shit out of my system………..
I've been there and done that so many times that it became mind-numbing… It lost all of its charm… I lost all of my passion for it…

COMING NEXT: THE WEIRDEST SALE EVER!!!

I thought I might as well check to see if you'd come back to tell us about a couple Good! movies worth the time to watch. I guess I was wrong. I'll be drinking in a couple hours, hope to get an answer within time, but I'll be prepared to pull out an old DVD for tonight if I must.

THE WEIRDEST SALE IN HISTORY :

In 1996 I met and married my sixteen-year-old wife

She had no idea what I did for a living, and I was blowing a shitload of money, having spent a few thousand dollars in just a couple days with her.

She asked me: "what is it that you do?"

I told you I was on fire… I answered her question by pulling my car into the parking lot where a sign said 'COMING SOON: ATLANTA LIVE'

I had never seen this place before, because it was a new nightclub that was set to open soon, just finishing its final construction.

I parked the car, looked over at her, and said "let me show you"

She got out of the passenger side, and I got on my hands and knees at the door of the nightclub, and told her "open the door for me"

I wish you could I have seen the look on her face when she pulled the nightclub door open and I crawled into the nightclub on my hands and knees, growling and barking like a vicious rabid dog.

"GGRRRR RUFF!! RUFF!! WHERE IS THE GODDAMN OWNER HERE?!!!"

From an open doorway at the end of the hall, Anji and i heard a voice, "I'm down here"

I continued growling and barking as I crawled down the hallway on my hands and knees.
I crawled into his office as he sat there staring at me with his eyes wide open.

I crawled right around his desk and started sniffing his knee and ankle like a dog would, and I looked up at him and gave him a slightly different growl, 'ggggrrrrrrrr" as if I was a dog who was sizing him up, realizing he wasn't that bad of a guy.

He just sat there with his jaw hanging wide open.
"Who the fuck are you?" he asked me.

"Grrrr I'm Johnny Neptune and I'm the guy that's painting your mural!!"

"Oh really?"

"Yes really! It's going to be amazing! It's going to be expensive, but you can afford it! I'm going to play loud music while I paint, and I might even paint naked, and it's going to be absolutely gorgeous!! It's going to be $7,500 including materials, and I need 50% of it right now so I can go get the paints and other materials!!"

dead silence…. Anji was horrified, not sure whether she should be embarrassed or terrified by me. she had never seen anything like this before in her life.

"$3,750, right?" He asked as he pulled out his checkbook and filled out the amount.

"THATS RIGHT!! PUT THE CHECK IN MY MOUTH! JUST PUT THE CHECK IN MY MOUTH!!"

(I was still on my hands and knees growling at him like a dog, because I never stood up on my feet the entire time)

"My name is Joe Montague" he told me as he put the check into my mouth "this better be good!"

Still on my hands and knees, with a check for $3,750 in my mouth, I turned and faced the door and crawled out of his office on my hands and knees "GGRRRR TRUST ME IT WILL BE!!"

Once we reached the door of the nightclub, about to exit back into the parking lot, I stood up and pulled the check out of my mouth, and handed it to Anji.

"That's yours" I told her "after I cash it you hold the money"

The entire event took no more than 3 minutes, tops

I convinced a complete stranger to give me $3,750 in 3 minutes, while growling and barking at him on my hands and knees.

ABSOLUTELY 100% TRUE

Anji's eyes twinkled when we got back in my car.
She looked over at me, and she had an expression of absolute amazement and awe… That's the most rewarding expression you can see on your new 16 year old wife's face that you only met a few days ago.

We went and cashed the check, I bought materials (less than $200) and we went and bought a bunch of really good weed and LSD, and returned to the nightclub where I taught her how to paint murals for the first time in her life. She had never painted before. Just like I told Joe, we both got naked and played loud music all night long, all by ourselves with nobody else in the nightclub but us, and I fucked the shit out of her about four times that night.

When Joe arrived at 11 the next morning, the mural was finished and it looked amazing!!

It was near the billiard tables, so it was an image of a pool table, as if the viewer were very small and laying directly on the green felt top of the billiard table, with forced perspective of billiard balls coming closer to you. The light and shadow were all executed perfectly. The forced perspective of the billiard balls were executed perfectly. It was beautiful! The colors were vibrant and gorgeous, and I included lens flare effects, with motion to one of the billiard balls, adding a blur so it appeared to be moving towards the viewer….

Joe loved it !! He fucking loved it !! He laughed his ass off !!

And he gave me the other $3,750 on the spot and Anji and I went back home and fucked and fell asleep….

I don't give a flying fuck about movies or music or anything anymore

I don't care about anything anymore

By the way, that story is completely true.

I made $7,500 in one day, by throwing paint on a wall, and I never even told the client what I was going to paint.

And I sold the job bye crawling on my hands and knees and growling at him like I was a vicious dog

How do you enjoy yourself then?

Classic movies, old TV shows, good music and whiskey is how I entertain myself today. My partying/swinging days are over, I'm old, I'm dying, I do what I can to still have a reason to live. Those are my four reasons today! Why do you live?

I don't enjoy myself….

I entertain myself, and there's a big difference….

When I met Anji, it was the best time of my life.
These days I think about her ear in there, and I realize that although we eventually went our separate ways, 16 years is a goddamn long time to be married to a woman, and we really had some good times.

I've actually been thinking about writing her a letter lately, just to thank her for everything she ever did for me

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Just because I don't care about anything doesn't mean I'm unhappy or that I don't have a reason to live…

I'm very happy and I have every reason to live

I simply don't care about anything anymore

A: I'm passionate about my role on this planet helping animals

Pretty much completely dedicated to working with animals

Thats good Johnny, at least you are taking care of something in need. Me? I gotta take care of a bottle pretty soon, its about half empty, poor thing.

I don't look down my nose at people who continue to self-medicate with drugs like yourself.

And yes, alcohol is a drug so you're a drug addict

but I don't look down my nose at you because I used to behave the same way…..

But all of that is behind me now. Those days are long gone and I don't miss them at all

I know a lot of people that say the exact same thing about their marijuana or their heroin or their methamphetamine or whatever drug of choice they brag about

It's all the same thing

Well thats the thing, I don't need to take other drugs, or dangerous ones like narcotics either. Even though alcohol is a drug, it relieves me for a time being and I feel fine for 3 or 4 days afterwards. Its about twice a week I drink, and that gives me enough relief to clear my troubles and issues with stress.

Lol half of the paintings on that site look better than most multi-million dollar modern art paintings. Art is dumb.

bad art

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i bet the young girls dont miss yor old limp grey haired cock eethare ither or

I get more pussy than 10 of 'you' put together

,


drug addict
Trust me, I understand what you're trying to say
You're a drug addict
It shows a certain amount of mental weakness

METH:

HEROIN:

If only You knew how predictable your drug addict speech was….

Especially the part where you tried to convince yourself that your drug of choice is different than other people's drugs….

As if somehow you've got it under control…

When you clearly defined yourself as an alcoholic, somebody who has no control over their addiction

Where have I seen this idea before…

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In your genetic pool?

No shit? Nice shill thread.

Money laundering operations inherently need to MAKE MONEY to appear viable.

even a little bit of money, so the laundered money can 'blend in'

that would exclude this idiotic storage unit in the basement of an unknown theater

If you're not using 'art' to launder money
What the fuck are you doing?

I'm sure they got a decent check from the museum. Plus they get exposure and first dibs on a newly brewing niche. Sounds like great marketing to me.

If only you knew how predictable your reddit typing format was….

Especially the part where you can't remember if an ellipsis gets three or four periods…

As if somehow you don't need to go back…

When you clearly defined yourself as a normalfag, somebody who has no control over being a complete faggot….