A man has been arrested for stealing a cow in Mayberry North Carolina, which is a rural town south of Mount Pilot North Carolina.
Tate Fletcher, a local farmer, reported one of his cows was missing, and had the town operator call the Sheriff's Office to investigate. Sheriff Andy Taylor and Deputy Fife came out to Mr. Fletcher's farm and discovered that the cow was indeed missing, but there were no cow hoof prints in the mud, only human footprints.
Mayberry Mayor Roy Stoner called in Special Investigator William Upchurch from Raleigh North Carolina because he felt Sheriff Taylor and Deputy Fife weren't qualified to solve the crime.
Special Investigator Upchurch used his big city investigating skills to make plaster casts of the human footprints that led away from the cow's pen, and developed a big city theory about who stole the cow.
Upchurch's big city theory went nowhere, and Sheriff Taylor's small town know-how ended up solving the crime, when Taylor proved that a drifter named Luke Jenson had put shoes on the cow's hooves to confuse law enforcement.
Luke Jenson was arrested, charged with cow thievin', and is currently in the Mayberry jail serving a short sentence, so the cell will be ready for town drunk Otis tomorrow night.
big ol' floppy titties full o' milk and a spacious youterus for my over sized penis
And the milk is warm!
Josiah Lewis
Id hit deputy fife with a razorblade on the corner of his snitch mouth.
Brody Taylor
Repotin' for Duty Andy Me and Ernest T wuz up in the hills lokkin' for Briscoe's still, when we saw the gol darndest thing we ever did see It looked like a man, but it was as dark as a # 8 billard ball but with the white of the teeth like the white of the ball
I heard of this heer bigfoot,(sac) but this thing was havin' a shit and it's manhood was the biggest thing about it.
It skeedaddled afore I could get a shot at it with my 1 bullet
Floyd sez he wuz a huntin' and he done caught a female one and had his way with it.
I thought it was one of his barber tall tales.
I heard of a family of these things livin' outside a Mayberry, but since i never been out in the yonder, I dunno.
