(Fox news) - June 16th, 2019
Religious believers worldwaide finally had their questions answered early this morning, when it was conclusively proven that God does not exist.
A consortium of experts who have been debating the existence of God for decades finally completed their final report, and submitted it early Sunday morning on Father's Day.
The report proves beyond any shadow of a doubt that the 'complete inability to prove the existence of god in fact proves that god does not exist', and that the entire concept of 'god' is nothing more then a tradition of delusion and imaginary hocus pocus.
Since all forms of religion are based on imaginary mythological nonsense, the burden of proof is upon those who insist God exists, and the fact that they are unable to provide any proof serves as conclusive evidence that there is no such thing as God.
"I used to tell people that their 'inability to prove god doesn't exist' proves that god DOES exist', but that was just more of the same inside Out retarded rhetorical nonsense my parents and grandparents brainwashed me with when I was a kid," said a former Christian, who ripped his Bible to shreds this morning and flushed the pages down the toilet.
Millions of believers, of every different religion, especially Christians and Muslims were all relieved upon hearing the news this morning. One Christian follower was interviewed as he turned his car around and left the parking lot of his church this morning, deciding not to go inside, "I have repeated the mindless mantra of Christianity ever since I was a kid because that's what my parents used to brainwash me, but in the back of my mind I've known it was bullshit all along."
A Muslim was interviewed as he carried is Quran and prayer mat to the garbage can outside of his house, "just like Christians, we Muslims were all brainwashed by our parents as children, and our parents were also brainwashed when they were children, just like our grandparents had been brainwashed. This is a big relief, because now I finally get to admit that there is no Allah, no God, no Muhammad and no Jesus, no heaven, no Angels, no eternal life, and no virgins waiting for us after we die."
The entire world has today exhaled a sigh of relief, as they are now free of the burden of imaginary religion, and now assume accountability for their own behavior, no longer riddled with shame or guilt or the necessity to attribute reality to an imaginary external entity in the sky.