Brit/pol/ #2299: INGERLUND Edition

Brexit News for Monday 18 June
Dominic Grieve admits rebellions against Brexit plans 'could bring down government'
brexitcentral.com/today/brexit-news-monday-18-june/

Britain's last medieval farming estate faces an uncertain future as it goes up for sale
nottinghampost.com/news/local-news/britains-last-medieval-farming-estate-1684764

England fan arrested after 'grabbing police officer's gun' as another fan 'punches window' on train to Volvograd
standard.co.uk/sport/football/worldcup/england-fan-arrested-on-train-to-volgograd-after-stealing-police-officers-gun-as-another-fan-punches-a3865626.html

Home Secretary Sajid Javid reveals how he was a moped mugging victim as he launches battle to beat villains
thesun.co.uk/news/6550824/ive-been-robbed-by-a-moped-crook-says-sajid-javid/

'Don't lie to police - because they WILL check': British financial trader is forced to make humiliating public apology after he claimed that he'd been robbed of his laptop in Thailand… when he'd actually lost it in England
dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5855659/British-financial-trader-forced-make-humiliating-public-apology-lying-Thai-robbery.html

Town's mayor resigns over claims he liked Islamophobic and far-right social media posts
dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5671207/Towns-mayor-resigns-claims-liked-Islamophobic-far-right-social-media-posts.html

Other urls found in this thread:

rt.com/uk/430113-man-stabbed-death-teesside/
tvcatchup.com/watch/bbcone

h

2nd for it's coming home

this tbqh

football's coming h

w a h e y

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footy's home lads

Lads, who here has ever burst out laughing at inappropriate times?

My ones are quite bad tbh

Sure, lad. Give it to us

A lass at my school accidentally ran over and killed her own grandmother when she started her car in 1st gear. Laughed like fuck at the mental image when our teacher told us why she was off. She wasn't there but everyone thought I was a sociopath after that.

Man knifes himself to death after believing vest was stab proof
rt.com/uk/430113-man-stabbed-death-teesside/

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Yeah when the vicar says "ashes to ashes" at a funeral all I can think of is the Bowie song of the same name (fun to funky, we all know major tom's a junkie) and I've got to stop myself from chuckling, it's not even funny but it happens every time.


FINAL STAGE DEANO

>go guess he couldn't hang around for long

wew

you got lad?

fucking hell lad

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The same thing happened when a teacher I had known for 10 years told me her cat died.

Shame really, she was petite but really feisty and up for flirty banter.

m8 i laughed out loud reading that myself kek, I pictured that scene getting hit by a bus in mean girls


jesus why do i find this shit so funny?

what are ya gonna do, stab me? - stab victim 2018

Kek. Well, me and my brother like to talk about a bit edgy things for reactions from my family and his gf, and multiple times I've made or laughed at rape jokes and similar things.
The single mum is a rape victim

how do you start a car in 1st gear? what does it do?

I laughed when i saw a girl get hit by a car and she span around like a beyblade mid air kek

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You leave the car in 1st gear, so when you get back in the car and start the car, the clutch is engaged making the car creep forward on idle.

I don't get it

top bantz tbh

It's like how one time I mocked a guy in a wheelchair who was a customer in store


>guess i'll be the bigger man and… walk away

>on the other hand, he should really learn to stand up for himself

ah m8 i'm so going to hell

wont the e brake be on?

Kek. You're so silly, lad. Are you just having fun with yourself?

it's a pun on the way he killed himself

He hung himself so …

you'd know all about having fun with yourself, lad

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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1st gear torque>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>handbrake tension

Not just me, me and a group of lads do these jokes at work all the time, it's a good laff tbh

Oooooooooooh!

shots fired

oooh i get it

I once called someone small brained at work as a joke and they threw a hissy fit and wouldn't talk to me or help me with anything the rest of the shift, what the hell is wrong with people?

This is the same person who didn't know which war the Nazi's were in and thought Muslims worshipped cows.

It's just so simple though. smh


You know what I meant smh

Well it's comfy when I'm not around the people

wew Chris Morris really committed to this character

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Really lad?
The kinda banter we have at work is like

guess you don't work with soyboys and women

If you start a car in gear with the clutch out, it jolts forward about two inches before stalling.

If the clutch is in, it doesn't move.

I'm not sure how this story is supposed to have worked.

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This guy gets me every time.

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yeah confused too tbh

Simple puns are best puns lad

We also do nigger jokes as well kek

No?

it's so visually dense

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LOL

such a gentle giant

We're all straight white and English lad, good times, what about your workplace?

Well westie works there so they're not all straight and white

Have a paedo joke as well lad

What's the best thing about fucking 26 year olds?

There's twenty of them ooooh!

handed in my notice yesterday, it's dogshit work for no pay

wot fam? I'm in Kent lad

Saw a manager take a used glass, pour out the last drink, rinse it for 2 seconds in water then use it to make the next GnT tbh.


If I did that I'd be screamed at and probably fired on the spot. Funny how things work in the services industry isn't it?

good lad

rofl tbh, cheesy jokes like that tickle me fierce

Who was your post in reply to you melon

What do you call an 8 year old boy chained to a lamp post on Brighton beach?

A leisure centre

What was the job? I do night work 40hrs, had 2 weeks off and back this friday

workplace banter varies for me, I've had times where we spend the whole day taking the mick out of each other, but there was one job where we were chatting and I jokingly said to a girl that her dad pays for her flat rent and she fucking flipped, refusing to talk for me all day


Lad there was a pub I worked at where the manager was getting us to put three fingers of head on every pint.

C'mon England!!!
tvcatchup.com/watch/bbcone
tvcatchup.com/watch/bbcone
tvcatchup.com/watch/bbcone
tvcatchup.com/watch/bbcone

might go to the pub to watch it tbh

isn't that what you need to do in order to summon the Owen Jones boss?

INGERLUND

Belgium are the most pozzed team I've seen so far.
France might be worse though.

I'm watching at home. I've still got some work to do.

don't worry me like that lad, i'm juggling timezones here

I am lad, usually meet a few brits there

INGERRRLEEEEERND
PAKIS AND WOGS HAVE STORMED THE PITCH!
Wait nevermind it's just the England starting squad

wouldn't tell that joke to someone unless you know them since it's a dodgy joke kek, glad you laffed tbh


I see, half asleep here kek


Jesus christ I laughed hard, top joke lad

What makes a good nigger?
a dead one

I'd probably just go and chat with some other locals since everyone I know is busy

I saw a black guy riding a bicycle and I was worried that it was mine. I checked in my garage, but to my relief it was still chained up.

FOREIGNERS OUT

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It's a bit weird at work actually.
Dayshift are entirely all women but I'm on nightshift which is 100% blokes, thank fuck tbh

Had a colleague talk to me about how the EU needs to burn and how brown people aren't English he's not wrong, but i just didn't expect it you know? this was a retail job of all places and there's loads of us at work with the same views as I have

Considering it's CY+3 that's not as bad as you'd expect.

True tbh. I expected to see more wogs.

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tbh vardy is /aredeano/

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GET coming up

The closer to a get we are, the less frequent the posts.

Finding people at work who could potentially browse Zig Forums is surreal tbh, I worked on a film just before the referendum and spent the entire time chatting with a lad about Brexit, was great.


6 wogs and 5 mutts/others out of 27 isn't too shabby, especially considering that they'll be in reserve

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Anyone ITT remember this? It's been like 12years I think since I first saw it

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Then there's a get every other thread

check em :^)

C U N T

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>"ur just too dumb to understand how it's a good thing!"

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Muh NHS in the news

take a shot every time the word NHS is said

a shot at whom?

The NHS is our new God.

h

Can we get a shot of the gun?

KEEP THROWING MONEY INTO THE PYRE

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drunk