The Bible says that God designed a man and woman to become one flesh but then why isn't this desire to remain as one flesh stronger than the desire to cheat or have affairs after the "Limerence" period? Why even give us a short period like that which confuses reality with short term happy chemicals?
Who here is in a relationship and what are your details/experience? Aren't you worried that after the limerence phase of love and high emotions that exclusivity will be a torturous struggle between you and your partner? What stops you from being paranoid of a woman's unfaithfulness when she gets "bored"?
Is "love" even a real thing? Are feelings of boredom inevitable? Do Christians simply blot that feeling out with Bible verses and God?
Women tend to want exclusive long term partners more than men but women also tend to get bored when they lose the mystery of their partner. Why are we designed like this? It feels hopeless and superficial.
""""""""""Love"""""""" may have existed 200 years ago but i'm afraid that has been killed by modernity and liberalism, the sexual revolution was the final nail on the coffin.
Nathaniel Myers
Romance is nothing more than infantile attachment which will have to be replaced with true divine self-sacrificial love, which is the only eternal love in existence. Yes there are feelings of boredom, yes there are dry spells, there are times when the relationship is on ice, and what the hell are you going to do? Seek out novelty? Divorce them because you feel like it isn't "working out"? Or some other sinful BS? The only thing you can do is self-sacrifice, get over yourself, and deal with it, and then once you get over that period, when limerence is dead and the work begins, you'll be able to stay together until the end. Few people get past this, I've seen many married people who fail and any that don't fail do this. Yes there are chemicals, they don't last forever though, and they aren't "love." We aren't designed like this, it's just original sin.
Brody Anderson
You suggest love is not real but cultural then?
Grayson Jackson
Limerence is a byproduct of original sin? I feel like it magnifies if the couple have premarital sex.
How are we designed? Are women capable of accepting that responsibility?
Lincoln Wood
We were designed originally to fill the earth with God's glory and extend His reign over all creation, no sin ever, etc. Marriages being a reflection of God's relationship (internal action of the Trinity), and so on, but clearly that didn't happen. Women are capable of it, so are men, it is simply difficult, like all righteousness.
It does magnify then, it magnifies under any idea that marriage is not entering into a duty/contract with the person and God. Some say not having arranged marriage magnifies it, since you are usually attracted to a person by the false-love of romance or lust masked as attraction. I don't know about that, but getting married is a sacrament, and you have the grace to overcome this period (both limerence and when it dies and you see the raw reality of the other person), people willingly choose not to act on the grace and society is the result.
Cameron Johnson
Sidenote: For example, my godparents, married for 40+ years, have a nun daughter, priest son, married son. They got over the period and worked it out in grace. You can also be like my cousin, who got married, the limerence period died, and they are now divorced.
We have the choice.
Jayden Walker
Do your godparents experience love for each other or is it just comfortable?
How long was your cousin married? Are they Christian? How long did they date before marrying?
Camden Perry
more like killed by culture or at least severly repressed, love in this day an age would only bring misery.
Jaxon Cooper
Why would it bring misery?
Brayden Parker
The love they seem to experience for each other as I can see from an outsiders perspective who doesn't know them too well still is entirely turned towards making each other holier, this seems to be the whole of their life now. Going to as many Masses as possible, doing mental prayer and spiritual exercises, getting other people to do many devotions, organizing devotions, etc, and it seems to have first come from the wife. They are definitely beyond mere infatuation, and are about getting stuff done. My cousin was married 7 years, dated (without fornication) for 1-2.
Ian Edwards
Your cousin was Christian? Both virgins? Why did they separate?
Brandon Wood
Both claimed Christ, presumably virginal, separated because the husband wanted children and the cousin didn't, also the cousin wanted a fashion industry career, and other BS that people separate for, """issues.""" And right around the time people call the 7 year itch too, so it is what it is. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_seven-year_itch Aka death of limerence
Nathaniel Jones
Wanting a fashion career over kids is not womanly.
Isaiah Diaz
I wish I had discovered about this concept earlier, thank you lad. Is it a sin to indulge in limerance? Not in a lustful way, I say.
Joshua Miller
I think its fine as a bridge to a deeper connection but don't misuse it. People that have premarital sex are exploiting it's beauty and fall the hardest imo
David Hernandez
...
Adam Martinez
Men and women don't love each other. We want the same treatment or better than 'love' received from our parents without the reason behind it.
Logan Thomas
Eros and agappe are two different things. In the end infatuation always fades. Love must remain. A woman should love husband as her head, let him lead. A man should lead his wife, he should love her as Christ loves his church. Even to a point of self sacrifice. This has nothing to do with infatuation. Infatuation is nice and it makes the relationship better but it eventually fades away. Devotional love must stay
Adrian White
Like this user touches on, Christian love is not an 'experience' but a conscious act, to will the good of the other and sacrifice your needs for theirs. The Greeks had more than a few words for love, the ones I know of are philia, brotherly love of a friend, storge, motherly affection, eros, sexual longing or desire, and agape, the self sacrificial love of God. The former three are feelings, the fourth is an act of the will, without which all the others have the opportunity to turn sour and corrupt us due to our selfish disposition to sin. See the C.S Lewis Doodle vids for more info:
Anecdotally I'd also say it's also worth noting that as well as the countless couples who separate due to being wholly unprepared for the meaning of marriage and love and what it involves, it is certainly the case that many couples who push through the dry patches together and stay committed state that they're infinitely more 'in love' and are blessed with feelings of philia, storge and eros more than ever in their relationship before inc. the limerence period.
Josiah Wilson
Damgnammit missed that you'd posted this while I was preparing my phone post
Sebastian Peterson
Why did God design us with the feeling of love when it can so easily fool us and lead us astray? It can make us feel love for people other than our spouses
Jeremiah Martin
Creation is good, was created good, by God, who is goodness itself. Everything in creation including the feelings of 'love' you're concerned about are good provided they are utilised through their proper conduit under the appropriate circumstnces. Anything outside of this is disordered and sin ('which means 'missing the mark') by definition. Feeling the feelings is not in and of itself evil, but not (re-)orienting them to their proper position, dwelling on them, encouraging them in the wrong place and time and to the inappropriate target/recipient, either irl or by fantasising, is. We all have free will, the choice to make, whether to encourage or indulge in these feelings, fantasise or reject them if not properly ordered/oriented. No one said it was easy, but without free will you can't have love.
Nicholas Sanchez
Do you love hearing yourself talk OP? Do you love my response?
Luke Miller
Yes, although you're unlikely to experience it if you live in an unGodly society (such as the one the Founding Fathers created). No, that's what happens when you've had numerous sexual partners and lost the ability to pair bond, which is the case for the vast majority of people today. Many fornicators realize this, and will try to rush into a marriage thinking all will be fine and dandy once they're "committed", but it almost always ends in disaster. Such is life when you stray from God's will, consciously or not. If anything, that is yet another trait that separates us from animals. That says more about the person who has those inclinations more than anything else… God did not give Man the desire to commit adultery. Those who have a stronger inclination towards cheating than loving their spouse either do not know God or (in the case of Christians) are making the choice to sin against Him. How else would we develop an attraction to others and want to pursue them? Isn't it obvious? By being selective with who you choose to date or marry. Most secular men don't know what "standards" are and simply date or marry whomever they please. Relationships have to have meaning, so if a relationship is based around
Aaron Flores
Instead of "unlikely to experience [love]", I should have said "unlikely to experience [love] the way God intended". Don't get me wrong, you can still have a loving relationship today, but our society today makes that incredibly difficult is all. By the way, how has no one check'd this ID?
Carson Long
Looking at a person with lustful intent is sin though
Nicholas Parker
lust essentially means to covet, that is, desire that which is not yours or that which you should not dwell on desiring. Like I said, creation is good, everything in creation has it's rightful time and place. Your wife is yours and there is no harm disclaimer: all the three 'natural' loves can harm, as above and in the C.S Lewis vids in feeling natural eros, or erotic desire for her (or any girl you're looking to wife, as a natural reaction, but that is exactly the situation where you need to rein it in, given the lust would not be able to be fulfilled in it's proper conduit of marriage prior to being wedded to her).
Sebastian Wood
When the Bible says two become one, in what sense? Because you should both feel the force of the unity forever. Your souls have become bound. Why doesn't the feeling then remain? Why must the love that emanates from the unity be conscious or forced after some time?
Thomas Ortiz
I don't think it's forced necessarily. We just have a lot of things that happen in our lives, and sometimes it's difficult to dig up those romantic nostalgic feelings that all couples have: you have bills, kids, careers, traffic, daily hardships and troubles, all joined in with mess of human nature.
Marriage is a sign of God's plan, just as miracles and creation themselves are signs; it doesn't mean they're permanent.
If you're superficial enough to think the chemical reaction is what love is, then yes? For everyone with any wit about them, then no.
Love in the bible isn't the kind of love people think of today of just feeling good all the time. It's about seeing past our earthly desires and being committed to a higher call to shape the world for the better.
Marriage of old was to create a strong household of people to carry on this legacy of goodwill. Without this notion of a strong household, the family, the father, the mother, then no wonder the modern world devolves the idea of love to simply having sex, where then having a child would then be burden worth killing.
Josiah Williams
Those videos are pretty decent, man. Thanks for sharing.
The more I look into it, the more flawed the whole system seems to me. As a man, your worth is measured only by how much you benefit other people. Your virtues, personality or any other traits you might have do not matter. Petty psychological manipulation and inflated egos are far more attractive to women than being honest. Basically, it's impossible for a man to get unconditional, pure love that is based on loving you as a person and not as a walking wallet or a daddy figure.
Samuel Rodriguez
what do you think retard? neuropsychologists dont get metaphysics.
Mason Gomez
Nonsense, a man attracts the kind of women he seeks. If you're the kind of guy who lives for the party, you tend to attract party girls; if you're a womanizer, you tend to attract women who crave being seduced. Therefore, a man of good character will be attractive to women who seek men of good character. The difficulty lies in the fact that it isn't easy to live that kind of life, and it takes time to engender the personality of the upstanding man without coming off as a cold manipulator.
Also, it's disingenuous to ask of unconditional, pure love of a woman. Only God can give you pure and unconditional love. Instead, she should love you as you love her: to the best of your ability, as close to God's law as possible, and as free of coercion, manipulation, and coldness as possible.
i don't get the point of romantic love if we're all monks/nuns in heaven anyway. the only answer is that its solely for procreation, which seems like a real let down. everything you ever for felt for the other person is solely so you can have babies. its practically utilitarian and it doesn't seem fair.
Sebastian Lee
That's curious. We all know eros with a imaginary character is wrong. How about philia and storge? And perhaps, even agape? This is a very unknown question. Eros for imaginary things is not prevalent among christians despite what posting around here may indicate, imagine the other 3. I kinda doubt there will be a legitimate answer here, or anywhere.
