talk to many Calvinists, do you?
the same sort of Calvinists who would point to certain key verses like God saying 'Jacob I loved, Esau I hated' or speaking of Pharoah 'I will harden his heart' ?
how about the kind of Calvinist who would look to greater themes in Scripture such as God's Justice, and the assertion that 'the Judge of All The Earth will do right', and that true Justice for mankind would be that every single one of we reprobates would be condemned to eternal fire before we are even conceived, so as not to mar His good earth with our rebellion against its Creator – so it is a scandal of the Cross that this same God would deign to rescue even one of us, though it be to the praise of His glorious Grace?
as to God being loving, well yes; but to Whom does God owe love if not to the Three Persons of the Trinity first and foremost – and if God the Father were to decide that it were best that God the Son not suffer the ignominy of Humanity's war against His Person; or if God the Son desired to uphold the Father's name from the assault of man's rebellion, and acting in unison so consign us to eternal flame: where would be the wrong in that – in fact, would it not be better that God never suffer our presence at all ?
but instead this patient and loving Three Persons act in unison from before the beginning in a plan of redemption, glorifying each other in their roles as Father, Son and Spirit; the Father patiently withholding His wrath and instead giving to the Son a people to be His reward, the Son redeeming this people from rightful wrath and so glorifying His Father, and the Spirit humbly contending with the hearts of these predestined people so as to bring their dead souls to life, thus loving Father and Son - each of these Persons demonstrating a long-suffering patient lovingkindness first to each in their putting up with man for even an iota, and only then to fallen man
now user, i think you'll recognise that i don't think so little of you as to say, 'Dude, you just don't understand', because i've explained matters thus far in the expectation that you'll be able to grasp the train of thought; but if you really can't comprehend how verses such as 'God is Love' are compatible with those which speak of eternal torture for those who remain in a rebellious blasphemy of the Holy Spirit to their dying day, i have to ask, do you understand the unquenchable wrath of God for evil?
if not, allow me to illustrate it a little
we
are
evil
by very nature, in every imagination and intent we are wicked all the day long, and anyone who says otherwise is arguing with their very Creator who declares this in both Genesis 6 and Genesis 8 - and to disagree with God on this is itself an act of evil against the Eternal which demands eternal wrath
moreover, God is infinite in all His attributes, so just as He is eternally and infinitely loving, He is eternally and infinitely 'angry at the wicked… all the day long', and much as the Three Persons will be satisfied in the absolute and complete fulfilment of the Plan of Redemption – for whatever God sets to do, He does – God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit will be equally satisfied at the display of Their infinite wrath
this is an act of love, not for men, but toward each other; gracing each one with the gift of pouring out all vengeance on those who would sully the Majesty of the other