You are trying to blanket this as the norm and therefore we need to regress any progress that has been made to get more women into STEM.
Just for a little bit of perspective, here are things I've experienced but you most likely have not:
7th grade Algebra (which was the honors math track). Struggled with the first test and received a B or a C. My teacher told me "It's okay. Not everyone is good at math. If you need to we can move you into the pre-Algebra class so it's a little easier for you." I mean, she MIGHT have said that to every student who didn't get an A, but I doubt it. We condition girls to feel like it's bad to fail and to do something easier and succeed. With boys we tell them they've given it a good try, and to try again,and that failure is a learning tool so it's okay if you don't succeed the first time. It's not something we tell girls (and this is something that has been studied - I'm not pulling this out of my ass). Little comments that seem helpful can actually be more detrimental to girls as they're navigating learning and interests. It's why researchers find no difference in preference for math between girls and boys when kids are young, but when they get into the teenage years, the percentage of girls who say they don't like, or aren't good at math skyrocket.
Had a group member in college become upset after I told him I wasn't interested in dating him. He proceeded to "forget" to tell me about group meetings, or tell me the wrong times. I'd ask if the group wanted to meet on Wednesday evening. I'd be told he couldn't meet so I'd propose a different time. Turns out he'd text the other group members that Wednesday would work but for some reason the message rarely got to me until the meeting started and someone else texted to ask where I am. Well, I'm at the gym, so I guess I'll be there in 20. He told me I wasn't allowed to touch the project except for painting it because I might break it. I DID write the entire report, though. It was the one component of the project that we received full marks for (second highest score in the class). The actual project didn't even work on the day we presented. He then wrote in the peer evaluation that I was a poor group member because I didn't show up to meetings or help with any of the project. I earned a B in the class but the professor knocked the grade down, even though I had talked with him about what was going on and the other two group members gave me fine evaluations. Again, the guy was super cool to me until 6 weeks into class when I turned him down for a date.
Being told repeatedly that I only landed my internships or jobs BECAUSE I'm a woman. I'm not going to say that all things being equal they didn't select me over a man, but all that means is that we were equal candidates and they flipped a coin to decide who to hire. Instead of actually flipping a coin, they went with diversity. It's not like they selected an unqualified woman over very qualified men.
It was a running joke at my first internship that I got my job because I was sleeping with my boss. My boss was my best friend's dad and I had known him for more than a decade. But this rumor went on the entire first half of the summer. I only found out because one of the guys in the department admitted to me that I was actually good at my job, and that maybe I wasn't just given this job because I was sleeping with the boss. Like, I understand that the company didn't have a formal internship program and my friend's dad made a job for me so I could get my foot in the door with an internship, but that has nothing to do with me being a girl. But sure, I only landed my job because I'm sleeping with a married man.
I have zero mentors in my field. I sit on an engineering council for my industry. There are 11 of us. I'm the only woman. There are about a dozen other women engineers total in my industry out of hundreds, if not thousands, none of whom live anywhere near me. It's not that I don't feel comfortable going to ask questions to the guys, but not having guidance or mentorship from someone who has been in your shoes is disheartening. Yeah the Society of Women Engineers might write a profile of us because it's a niche field that a lot of people think is pretty cool, but when your CEO puts his hand up to your mouth while you're talking in a meeting that YOU are leading, there are just so few people who can relate to you.
"But you don't LOOK like an engineer!" Wink and smile. This isn't a compliment and I get it all the time. I get it. You have a stereotype of a woman engineer as a hideous gargoyle and I'm a good looking woman (and not afraid to admit that). But thanks for making me feel weird and creeped out by my chosen profession. What a weird backhanded compliment.
