Quit classifying Gentoo as minimal!

If you're an ex-Slackware user, I don't see why not. Might be fun, actually.

Then after a while of managing dependencies yourself, you'll get bored and whip up something that manages dependencies, which will get slower and slower due to NP-Complete and eventually you'll realize that you have reinvented Portage.

I honestly don't get why people still hug a language that does its best to emulate Java when they could just use Java and get a solid performance boost.

In which way?

Then don't emerge app-portage/gentoolkit, it doesn't even come with the base system.

Portage is bigger than everything else because it needs to be 10x as powerful as everything else to work with source code.