Tech cringe

Is there anything more cringeworthy than these "koans"?

And of course half the people in them are women because we all know the field is really saturated with women

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I've never understood the point of koans, they're incredibly uninteresting and while you might learn some stuff from them ultimately what you've built is of no utility to you.

Sounds like prime plebbit soycuck to me.

“And who better understands the Unix-nature?” Master Foo asked. “Is it he who writes the ten thousand lines, or he who, perceiving the emptiness of the task, gains merit by not coding?”Upon hearing this, the programmer was enlightened.
lmao and somehow lispfag still pretends he isn't the living embodiment of Unix.

Yeah this is pretty difficult to top. Programmers constantly pull shit that would get you barred for life from any engineering profession, but have egos the size of Jupiter. Nonsensical programming language analogies are also as cringy as it gets.

esr is one of the main culprits behind this self-aggrandizing garbage.

very true as that is basically all he does

What do you think of these:

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Drink bleach and shoot yourself in the mouth, you fucking failed abortion.


It's Gnuddhism actually

chanayana gnuddhism is gay

I similarly find these koans to be awful, in general. There are very few that are worthwhile.

I particularly dislike Eric Raymond's koans concerning UNIX:

There's also this drivel, where characters are regularly killed for slights; of course, many of the characters are women here, as well:

In brief, I see koans as naught but sophistry.

The author gives a shit about cultural appropriation lol

That may be true but you don't have to sound like a faggot while saying it

Now I want to ask you: Which one should apologize?

Eric S. Raymond ripped off the style when he "revised" the Jargon File. The UNIX ones make you cringe because they ran it into the ground. It's like Reddit with rage face memes.

A novice was trying to fix a broken Lisp machine by turning the power off and on.Knight, seeing what the student was doing, spoke sternly: "You cannot fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no understanding of what is going wrong."Knight turned the machine off and on.The machine worked.

Subject: Re: MC:HUMOR;JARGON > The JARGON file is being updated. The guy doing so has changed the nasty references to Unix to refer to MS-DOS because "all the ITS partisans have now become Unix partisans, since the Unix philosophy is the same as the ITS philosophy." as he says.YAAAARRGGGH!!!If you would be gracious enough to identify this, um, Ibelieve the proper term is "loser", then we might have theopportunity to clarify our philosophical differences.

To clarify, I'm and I agree. Those koans are the very few I mentioned that are good and that one in particular is one you can even share in casual conversation.

I prefer the AI lab koans to the old koans about Mu and Ganto's axe and other Eastern things I find nonsensical.

Productive person's answer: Who cares? Get a job.

A cocky novice once said to Stallman: “I can guess why the editor is called Emacs, but why is the justifier called Bolio?”
Stallman replied forcefully: “Names are but names, ‘Emack & Bolio's’ is the name of a popular ice cream shop in Boston-town. Neither of these men had anything to do with the software.”

His question answered, yet unanswered, the novice turned to go, but Stallman called to him: “Neither Emack nor Bolio had anything to do with the ice cream shop, either.”

(The store is named after two homeless men.)

A monk asked Master Haryo, “What is the way?”
Haryo said, “An open-eyed man falling into the well.”


Maybe if you spent a little less time navel-gazing and a bit more time outside you wouldn't be such a retard.

Have you eaten breakfast?

Have you taken your soy pill?

No. Have you eaten breakfast?

Yes. Now go get your soy.

Wash your bowl.

The real Zig Forums cringe.

Are you trying to make a "koan" with me in it? OK, I'm enlightened. Don't forget your HRT.

Shut up, nerd.

The path of cringless cringe is the one true way, friend.

This looks like a rip-off of ESR's actually good "Master Fu and the UNIX Koran". Stupid copycats

They probably remind you of yourself. That's likely why you cringe.


Never understood this meme.

When an anonymous poster makes an unskillfull post, with no tact; it could said that that poster has made a cringeworthy post. When an anonymous poster makes a cringeworthy post, and there is no cringe in response, then is it really cringeworthy?

Your post is both skillfull and enlightened. The quality of cringe we seek is ever changing and ever fleeting, yet surrounds us at all times. Such is the way of the cringeless cringe.

All these koans come off as "hurr durr, I read a Wikipedia entry on far-eastern philosophy, so now I can write my own".

Seems like just a pretentious FAQ/tips section.

But you get enlightened, like a man who bumps his head on a chandelier.

Sounds like some self important bullshit made my "coder" dipshits that not only makes a disrespectful mockery of actual religions and spiritual beliefs but also shows just how full of themselves they are.



That's not even cringe. It's just sad.

The jokes are stupid, but religions deserve no respect.

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Stay mad degenerate.

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hey nigger

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Therefore crocodiles are supreme beings

In its earliest days religion served as a guideline that prevented humans from subverting to degeneracy and gave them the ideal image of life in the form of the heavens. After the Age Enlightenment, men began to accept themselves as the ideal; religion is no longer needed for the development of society.

Men seeing themselves as the ideal is the cause of the individualist degeneracy plaguing the west. We need a new religion that isn't the worship of the individual, or the worship of technology if we want to avoid complete societal destruction

While i consider systems programming to be real engineering and science, I think that fact that you invent systems literally out of thin air in software, with no physical artifacts to instinctively judge the results by, the basic enabler of this type of horseshit.

The same phenomenon BTW it is what permits poos and womyn to get their for in the door into the field. White men create the basic frameworks to simplify the basic process, then the pretenders ride on top of that throwing shit against everything wall in hopes something will stick.

Some 3 years ago my college colleagues were on local TV talking about "groundbreaking" tech gadget they "created".
7 of them total, 4 of them women, 3 of which are economy students and couple of no brain code monkeys.
They made a fucking teddy bear with camera for an eye. Shit that existed for couple of decades now.

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Crocodiles do deserve respect and deference though. If you fuck with them they will kill you very easily.

Just need the churches to quit being pussies. Every one I've been to "oh, God loves you, if you sin he'll forgive you so long as you apologize." There's never a line in the sand. "Oh, I know the book says not to fuck dozens of men in the ass, but surely God loves you just the way you are so it's okay." There's no teeth to it anymore. Fire and brimstone, fear of God and righteous punishment are needed to keep the retard normalcattle in line. If you're intelligent enough to not be a degenerate without being told you'll burn forever good on you, but

When fuckups cost nothing but time (and you're getting paid by the hour) people have no incentive to actually do it right.

brats say "God sends people to hell? God destroys cities? That doesn't sound like a very loving God to me!"
then they grow up, look around, and wonder: "where is God? What kind of a loving God could possibly restrain himself from smashing this planet to bits?"
churches need to appeal to the second group, but instead they try to appeal to the first group.
this is a mystery.

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Pic related

I blame the general computer illiteracy in the population. If you were to build a shack from plywood and scraps and then call yourself an architect everyone and their mother would laugh at you because they know what a real house is supposed to look like. Anyone who isn't a mouthbreathing retard can build a shack from plywood and scraps.

However, when it comes to computers, the equivalent of plywood and scraps that is modern software development of "just throw some shit together, it it runs slow tell people to buy a better processor". But for the technologically illiterate even this Pajeet tier shit is like magic because they cannot even write a Hello World on the shell.

Imagine living in a world where people don't know what a hammer is. Anyone who can nail two boards together would be seen as some kind of wizard. There would be no social filter that would bring those people back down to earth. No, you are not a wizard, you are not an ancient Chinese monk on a mountain top. You're an idiot with a hammer and some nails who nailed some scrap wood together.

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I think buddhism among most religions deserves respect. In fact it isn't a religion like the majority of others are. They don't worship gods of any kind but from what I understand seek to cultivate something within themselves. It's more nuanced than I can explain or understand from my readings.

Anyway the others deserve respect where it's due anyway. I would give some reasons but it's clear to me that you're just a shitposting faggot, so I won't waste my time.

They don't worship gods but do believe in other realms/dimensions. The point is to cultivate non-attachment so you don't have to repeat an infinite number of lives. If you have craving or attachment you get to be reborn again in another realm of suffering. Apparently if you are able to awaken yourself or "enter the stream" you have a maximum of 7 lives left, which to Buddhists is a much preferable alternative.

No, don't tell christcucks they're wrong about something or they'll start posting shit like this

Politics, religion, and sexuality for the majority of people is more about picking and choosing comfortable ideas than it is about trying to describe trends in the world around us.

People start with a conclusion or sensibility they're psychologically attached to, and then try to build their arguments up from it.

Holy shit, christcuck are sensitive


Mfw I'm a Buddhist without even trying

You're right that religion doesn't necessary have to be the moral guideline. But there still must be a moral guideline.


They are just means to get a student to think about something for a good long while.


I rest my case

Hey now, he doesn't only aggrandize himself

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He's been waiting to use that line since the eight grade, hasn't he?

ESR is the epicist shitposter. Too bad he thinks Non-Free Software should coexist with free. Damn Open Source idiots.

I don't think these koans are that terrible. What's so cringe about them?

A bit simplistic and about as satisfying as the original koans, if you know enough vim to get what it's talking about. But adds very little so you might as well enjoy the actual koans instead. I guess brainlet soibois can't into cultural relativism so you have to put in a context they're familiar with or they get too distracted.

This was boring, I couldn't even finish reading. Seems more like a very abstruse and incomplete git manual than a koan. Koans aren't just pithy and vague for the sake of being mysterious, they're supposed to trigger your brain into contemplating big philosophical questions that are hard to express succinctly.

These aren't too bad. They're not great, but at least have proper structure of a simple narrative with ironic humor that points to an interesting philosophical idea.

This one is just silly. The pastiches are much worse than the original they parody. And the ones that seem original, I don't get why they have violence as a punch line. The koan doesn't really work as a narrative joke, and on an intellectual level, resolving a philosophical conflict with violence between characters is just unsatisfying.


I like these a lot. I enjoy the humor and they are actually enlightening. The nice thing about these is that they don't just try to express random wisdom about life, but wisdom about math and computation. My favorites are the ones about Knight and Sussman.

I'm not that well read on actual eastern philosophy, but I feel like while they have a good amount of genuinely illuminating stuff, they also have a lot of ridiculous nonsense. In the West we also have a lot of shit philosophy (eg post modernism) mixed in with good stuff (eg plato). Even within Plato's stuff he had a lot of good ideas but also some retarded ones. Anyways, the worst koans are so bad that their nonsensical content is humorous, so I like the ones where the localization to something like Java or OOP makes it even more ridiculous.

The new, Zig Forumsnological Sam Hyde?

Stick to the originals

Little by little the night turns around
Counting the leaves which tremble at dawn
Lotuses lean on each other in yearning
Under the eaves the swallow is resting

[Verse 1]
Little by little the night turns around
Counting the leaves which tremble at dawn
Lotuses lean on each other in yearning
Under the eaves the swallow is resting

Set the controls for the heart of the sun

Over the mountain watching the watcher
Breaking the darkness, waking the grapevine
One inch of love is one inch of shadow
Love is the shadow that ripens the wine

Set the controls for the heart of the sun

Witness the man who raves at the wall
Making the shape of his questions to Heaven
Whether the sun will fall in the evening
Will he remember the lesson of giving?

Set the controls for the heart of the sun

And this one is also quite good, from the I Ching, specifically Chapter 24

All movement is accomplished in six stages
And the seventh brings return
The seven is the number of the young light
It forms when darkness is increased by one

Change returns success
Going and coming without error
Action brings good fortune

The time is with the month of winter solstice
When the change is due to come
Thunder in the other course of heaven
Things cannot be destroyed once and for all

Change returns success
Going and coming without error
Action brings good fortune
Sunset, sunrise

All movement is accomplished in six stages
And the seventh brings return
The seven is the number of the young light
It forms when darkness is increased by one

Change returns success
Going and coming without error
Action brings good fortune
Sunset, sunrise

This is a very ancient prophecy-poem, made by Anglo-Saxons. Perhaps better than the Oriental literature I linked prior

Far, far, far, far away – way
People heard him say – say
I will find a way – way
There will come a day – day
Something will be done

Then at last the mighty ship
Descending on a point of flame
Made contact with the human race
At Mildenhall

Now, now, now is the time – time
Time to be – be – be aware

Carter’s father saw him there and
Knew the road revealed to him
The living soul of Hereward the Wake

Oh, my, something in my eye – eye
Something in the sky – sky
Waiting there for me

The outer lock rolled slowly back
The service men were heard to sigh
For there revealed in glowing robes
Was Lucy in the sky

Oh – oh – did you ever know – know
Never ever will they

Oh – oh – did you ever know – know
Never ever will they
I cannot say

Summoning his cosmic powers
And glowing slightly from his clothes
His psychic emanations flowed

One more, proving that the originals are better than these remixes. This one is Dutch in origin, and is a meta-poem about a Mother reading a story to his son.

There was a king who ruled the land
His Majesty was in command
With silver eyes the scarlet eagle
Showered silver on the people...

Oh, Mother
Tell me more

Why’d'ya have to leave me there
Hanging in my infant air
You only have to read the lines
They’re scribbly black and everything shines

Across the stream with wooden shoes
With bells to tell the king the news
A thousand misty riders climb up
Higher once upon a time
Wandering and dreaming
The words have different meaning
Yes, they did

For all the time spent in that room
The doll’s house, darkness, old perfume
And fairy stories held me high
On clouds of sunlight floating by

Oh, Mother
Tell me more
Tell me more

These seem a lot more serious than the koans posted so far.






Difficile lectu mihi mars et jonicu, jonicu
difficile, lectu lectu lectu mihi mars,
mihi mars
lectu lectu difficile lectu lectu
jonicu jonicu jonicu jonicu
jonicu jonicu jonicu jonicu

Difficile lectu mihi mars et jonicu, jonicu difficile
lectu lectu lectu mihi mars, mihi mars, mihi mars.
Lectu lectu mihi mars et jonicu jonicu difficile

lectu lectu lectu

Difficile lectu
jonicu jonicu jonicu jonicu jonicu diffciile
mihi mars mihi mars
lectu lectu difficile mihi mars

(Wenn Sie Deutsche sind und dieses Lateinisch lesen, werden Sie eine schöne Überraschung erleben)

Spoiler: they're pink floyd lyrics. Nice job shitting up the thread nigger.


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I can't stop staring at his teeth. They are so perfectly blunt and the same height, as if someone grinded them down. No canine teeth, just a perfectly herbivore mouth.

99% of this board

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Oh, now I get it. They're pretty shit without the music.

That comment wasn't directed at you. It was directed at the user that shat up the thread. Apologies for any misunderstanding.

My bad. Now I felt dumb twice in one thread.

Welcome to /religion/

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More like BG Kumbi.

Jesus Christ this reads like something the multics shitposter would make up about C fanboys. Fucking ESR.

Like xkcd tbh.

While I'd prefer a white christian society, I'll play devil's advocate here, because there's a problem with your pic:

Current year western culture is not a real atheist, religionless society. Christianity was simply replaced by another religion, Satanism (the combination of leftism, socialism, marxism, degeneracy, subversion and hedonism).

Satanists claim to be all for science and logic. But whenever science and logical thinking go against these people's actions and beliefs, they'll straight up say that science and logical thinking are haram and should be ignored or even banned.

99% of this board

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wew lad