Overcoming the Black Pill

you use the word "can't" a lot. it seems like you just aren't ready to take the necessary leap of faith.

OP, if you happen to read this. Look into the concept of cyclical time. It will end your woes, but it will not uplift your life.
I, and many other National Socialists, have felt everything you are feeling. Don't feel like you're a coward, or that you're whiny. It's a perfectly natural part of getting fully red-pilled. When you come out of this depression you will be stronger than ever before. An Aryan's victory comes from his crucifixion and defeat; likewise, your sorrow will lead to your resurgence.