How about we start another Guard-ening thread?

How about we start another Guard-ening thread?

Thorn bushes are nature's constantina wire
& poison ivys are nature's poison (but less "scratchy") constantina wire

So, Zig Forums, what kinds of plants do you know of that are easily available & dangerous?

To start off with on the thorny side

Lest not forget, we all need a cement for our brick wall

As for trees

Please feel free to add any more plants to the list
Especially readily available ones

& please tell of any stories you have on experiences with "aggressive" plants
If you have any green texts, or screenshots of Zig Forums's guard-ening, please share them

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Other urls found in this thread:ück

A yard absolutely full of pristinely manicured japanese white pine. Do they offer significant defense? No, but there is no one in the world willing to mess with a weeb so autistic as to go that far with an artform as supremely autistic as banzai.

I have Kudzu seeds (they're near impossible to germinate for me, they have a thick coating) and I want to try growing one hydroponically just to see what happens.

The downside, other than it being kudzu, is that kudzu produces ozone/the stuff needed to make ozone, both of which are bad for your lungs so don't have it in your house.

giant hog-weed
they call that stuff stalins revenge for a reason
Heracleum mantegazzianum
is the true name

Introducing hog weed to an area should be grounds for an immediate firing squad,.

Heracleum sosnowskyi if you don't mind being executed for introducing extremely invasive and lethal species.

Giant Hogweed could be adopted as a weapon if it's essentials were extracted with high proof alcohol. Combine it with an agent which leads to illness/poisoning if it gets into the bloodstream, and you have a nasty little weapon.

Euphorbia milii (Crown of Thorns) - climbing shrub with pretty red flowers, poisonous sap, reputed to be the plant used to make the crown of the king of the jews.

Bougainvillea sp. - drought tolerant thorny vine with small white flowers and colorful bracts. Widely used as nature's barbed wire in rough neighbourhoods of Australian cities.

Digitalis purpurea (Common foxglove) - pretty flowers, natural rat poison, medicinal in the hands of a skilled herbalist. Put the flowers in your walls and roofspace to keep the smaller jews out.

Holy shit we harvested a shit ton of apples from one tree alone this year. There are more but we don't know what to do with all of these fucking apples. If anything ever goes wrong we can probably live off those apples for a month or two. We can't possibly preserve all of them, so we are just giving them away to neighbors now. Our fridge is full of jars with apple sauce. Our cellar is full with jars of preserved apples and every fucking day I have to put fucking apples into my lunch box, because guess what: if I don't they will go bad and attract wasps.
And I can't even fucking bury them as fertilizer, because then a bunch of new apple saplings will ruin my fucking lawn. Throwing them away would be just as bad, because then I wouldn't get anything out of them, but I would still have to put effort into collecting them.
Every fucking day it's apples. Apple pie, apple sauce in yogurt, apple mouse on pancakes, apple juice, apple jam and even apples in my chicken! Apples with fried potatoes, sugar apples and of course: fresh apples.
I had a steak last Saturday to get away from all of these apples, and it tasted strange. So I asked the waiter about it, and guess what: THEY PUT FUCKING APPLES INTO THE SAUCE! I PAID MONEY TO EAT SOMETHING THAT ISN'T APPLES FOR ONCE AND WHAT DO I GET? APPLES ON MY GOD DAMNED STEAK!
Don't even get me started on the fucking pears this year. We put up a posting on the internet telling anyone in the town to come get some pears from our five (FUCKING FIVE) pear trees. A couple people came with buckets, some with baskets, a senior even came with a wheelbarrow and all of them took as much as they could. We urged them to come back once they had offloaded the pears at home, and some did!
Fuck you grandpa! This is ridiculous! I am going to plant a fucking cherry tree just to mess with my grandchildren. Sour cherries, just to make them waste sugar trying to make jam out of them.
Or a real nice bush of raspberries, which they have to keep in check all the time or risk it growing out and ruining my their yard.
Is this the true purpose of gardening? Intergenerational postmortem trolling?

Would brambles be a good defense against fluffier dogs? I know stinging nettles affect dogs but not cats because I've seen them used against dog-walkers who let their dogs shit on people's yards, but I wasn't sure if brambles would work.

I wouldn't really know, but I' say yes
If a sheep can get stuck, I'm sure a floofy dog can
10/10 taste in youtube btw


Oh, I get it, nvm.

try rubbing it on some sandpaper of your desired grit until said coating has been cleansed from the surface, or enough to let water seep through

idk, it could probably be feasible so long as you keep it on a tight leash, ie keep it in an area specified for defensive purposes, and to prevent it from becoming invasive just snip off the flowers before they can mature, and if need be grow a couple sets in a greenhouse for seed collection for the following year, just make sure to neuter the worker plants

Yep, I know. A PDF/Powerpoint used nail clippers to break the coating.

I remember people talking about how poison ivy could have the itching extracted out with alcohol. I'm imagining it as an essential oil now.

Though these are horrible and illegal ideas

You want to plant something like blackberries all over your property fine, but let's keep the useless poisonous shit out.

Aka O2 which ALL plants make.
Kudzu has loads of practical uses though my family has knowledge of the feed application.
Since a property of ours (this was about 15-20 years ago) had a large patch on it which our Sheep and Horse loved eating to the point they killed it off of said property.

The true purpose is giving your children something after you're gone you fucking ungrateful nigger kike.
I'd go as far as to bet you're adopted or your grandmother cheated on your grandfather and then your mother or father married a shitskin for you to be like this.
I want to pound your face into the ground and I've never even been to Germany much less knew your grandfather.

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I find that wild black raspberry makes a perfect barrier. They grow fast, are nearly impenetrable when mature, and are common enough in the eastern US that nobody will think anything of it if you line the entire perimeter of your yard with them.

or maybe you could, i dont know, compost them?
like take out the cores or whatever so they dont grow and just throw them into a giant fucking compost bin to grow some hardy fucking veggies with next year

But user, I read it on the internet and it said it makes ozone.

But for real there are several studies where they see if Kudzu increases ozone, which it apparently does. And it also makes Nitric Oxide.

Reminds me about a thread on here, it was about homemade chemical weapons or what ever
There was a Zig Forumsomando that brought up some really fucked up stuff about extracting poison ivy urushiol oil & capsasin oil
Twas a great thread

second image was from the thread too

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Yep, that's the thread I was talking about. I was the one talking about putting it into soap I believe.

really though, you do have a very Zig Forums tier gift here.
as stated, you can have endless food (palate permissing) you can turn it into biodiesel if need be, you could use it as munition in a spud launcher, use it for composting, plant an entire fruit in a line and have some natural cover from strong wind+aforementioned benefits multiplied by however many you plant
if you want to ge wierd you could bathe in the juice and put a slice of pear over each eye
use it as animal fodder if you ever feel so compelled, many uses user, just look into it
this is also a good time to shill >
its worth taking a look at

Not making Apple Brandy and naming it in honor of your Grandfather
Niggers everyone.

Germany just fucking press the apples, mix in yeast + a little sugar, and make apple wine from it. Shit will fuck you up good. If you can make a small distillery make yourself some apple brandy. Apple butter is delicious as well.

For god's sake I would kill to be able to own fruit treas. My grandmother used to own apricot trees, apple trees, etc. and she was able to thrive on the fruits and vegetables of her garden with her seven children.

Wtf is constantina wire you illiterate fucking mongoloid?

I know this is just le ironically angry funposting/humblebrag, but either dump the apples into the garbage bin or if moralfag donate to a homeless shelter or food bank.

Oh, I'm sorry, its CONCERTINA wire
Better go fuck myself for a spelling error, right?

if you had all of theese seeds listed, how far would be the appropriate distance to space apart?
would wolves and coyotes have a hard time getting through if done correctly?
What about other pest animals?
From my experience, Cucmbers are very cheap and grow quickly and can have a devastating effect as a vine.

Animals actually tend to stay away from hedging unless they know that they can get through it
Remember, animals don't wear shoes, or have 2 long legs & 2 usable arms
Wolves don't fuck with blackberry bushes

As for spacing, i dono
I'd just make it crowded as fuck

Pest animals tend to be small
Small animals like to hide in ratty shit

Every time I try using spell checker it gives me the wrong words & tells me words that do exist aren't real words
I've even had it misspell words on me before

I think that's why you're supposed to take one evening to cut all the extra flowers off of a apple tree. So that you don't end up with million bad apples, but hopefully with a few dozen that taste better.

I'd imagine that it would keep wolves and coyotes out, if you made the thorn-zone deep enough so that animal can't even leap over it. And I guesss it's okay to make it crowded, non-succesful plants will be eventually killed off and you will end up with optimal spacing eventually. About other pest animals, you could dig a ditch. It's not going to stop them but it will make it harder for them.

Oh fuck no. I have enough trouble keeping that shit under control as it is, forget about planting it deliberately.

You really have no ground to bitch about the spellchecker's flaws, mr. constantina wire.

The link is useful so thank for the link! :D

no problem user, there is very little if any combat/k tier shit in there, its mostly the filler/bread and butter for post shtf to help reinstate normality and civilization, if i had to guess id say any shtf situation combined with that knowledge set would help keep the setback to under ~50 years in terms of technology


The right basket is what I picked from the tree up within five minutes this morning.
The left one is what is left of the apples I picked off the ground last week. I have given up on collecting all of the ones that fall to the ground before they rot. I will probably lose 30% of my harvest this way, but I already have too many FUCKING APPLES, so I don't give a fuck.
Apple sauce goes well on bread BTW. Tastes fantastic with a little butter.
Most of the raspberries have died, but the ones that didn't are super sweet because they got a lot of sun. Maybe I will plant some grapes next to my roses. If the weather will be like this every year I could make some really great wine.

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Get a piglet to feed the apples. Then when it grows, slaughter it and apple smoke the bacon.

Some of my neighbors already have pigs, and we gave them a ton of apples last year already, just as they give us some good cuts of pork and sausages every time they slaughter a pig. Life is good inna 'hood

Have you considered getting beehives if that's possible where you are? If you have too much honey you can always make mead.

Prickly Pear is pretty good, it makes good natural fences for land, you can eat the pads and fruit, they're low maintenance, and you can use it for feed for your goats, cows, pigs, etc. It's pretty easy to get too, just go into the desert and take some pads off a plant. Just tips for the Southern/South-West streloks.

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I have not considered that. But work around the garden already takes up a lot of time, and taking care of bees will probably not improve the situation. I honestly want things that I can plant once, forget about and harvest with minimal effort once a year. I know bees kind of fit that bill, but I would have to buy/rent equipment and if anything goes wrong and my hive dies I wasted a couple hundred eurobucks.
Honestly, it's more comfortable to ask my friend (who is a professional beekeeper) for some honey in exchange for some other stuff if I am in the mood for honey. Sadly I have so much apple sauce and cherry/pear jam that I won't have any reason to get honey any time soon.
The woes and troubles of owning land are truly horrible.

If you have a friend that does it nearby you could just have him put a hive on your property and stick around when he's harvesting to learn.

Have you tried your hand at making cider?

God damn it, OP.
It's the easiest shit in the world to make, and if you buy some brewers yeast/use brown sugar, it will taste fucking delicious from fresh apples. The whole kit will cost you $20 if you make it nigger-style or maybe $50 if you make it properly.

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I-I meant user.

Nips used to use urushiol as a laquer so there's gotta be some low-tech way of doing it. It's probably autistic and impractical nowadays though I haven't looked into it.

Slash the plant deep enough for the sap to run. Collect the sap. Run it through a simple cloth filter, then heat it and add dyeing agent. Like using water to melt chocolate, you can use hot water in a pot, with a container in the water containing the sap. The autistic part comes from curing it and putting on layers of lacquer. You rub on one coat then leave it to set for a day, then the next coat, then continue until you're happy. That's a lot slower than most acrylics.

It was probably autistic and impractical when the Japanese came up with it, they are Japanese and that is what makes them great

We don't drink anything but beer. But I can assure you that at leas two of my neighbors used some of the pears we gave them to make some sort of alcohol.

Eh, he lives close-ish, but I don't think it would be worth the effort for him to come over just to take care of his bees on my property.

Just as many in this thread, I'm very envious to what you have, deutschland-kun gib clay pls
I dream about having my own garden. I would definitely have some male buckthorn trees reinforcing my blackberry fence (males because buckthorn is a bitch to harvest - brittle berries seated deep in thorny branches - but I like how trees look - especially grey leaved variety).
Gooseberries are moderately prickly, and make a killer jam. Bushes are very low, but this is an addition to a guarden, not a base for it.
Maybe a bush of honeysuckles. Those are not prickly, bit tasty, and one bush will feed your kids for a month just as they run by it, grab some berries, and go on with doing kids' stuff.
I also dream of producing my own bread kvass. I do it on a small scale, and it tastes amazing. Doesn't store well in its default form (loses natural CO2 quickly, and continues to ferment even when removed from fermenting agent, becoming sourer and sourer over time), but I will figure something out.
Should I post the recipe? This is off topic.

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Living off the land is Zig Forums as fuck, and kvass is probably the second most east-euro drink imaginable, Polska-sensei.
It would be much appreciated if you could share some of your wisdom with us.

More apples. I picked these in maybe ten minutes. All the ones on the ground I had to put into the bin using a rake and a shovel. I just can't be arsed to make anything out of them, and most of them were already starting to ferment anyways. Nothing of value was lost.
Then made some apple sauce from the apples in .

Sage because double post.

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Disclaimer, I'm no pro in fermenting, I just do it exactly like my wife's grandpa did - and it works. If you are a smartass and know how to do better, then please post a guide on how to improve fermenting and production.

To make a kvass mash:
Take a loaf of rye bread (any non purely wheat bread should work, but rye bread works best - I use whole grain rye bread), slice it in even, 1cm thick slices.
Bake them in the oven until they are brownish color (you could likely skip the baking and sun-dry it, or something. The point is to dry the bread up reeeal good). It stores well.
Take filtered water in a big 5l jar, and add sugar (5 tablespoons should be enough, but you could use more) and some yeast (really not much, it will eat sugar and grow anyway). You will only need to add yeast once.
Put the bread into the jar as well. Cover with gauze, leave for 3 days.
After 3 days, drain it (it will be rather disgusting to drink, but will smell good - don't drink it though), take bread mash, divide in half (you can either start a new batch or just throw that half away) and add half of the freshly dried loaf.
Add sugar. Again, don't add anymore yeast. There is no need.
Wait for 3 more days, drain again. You now have a good partly fermented mash that will give you good kvass from now on.

Cycle is like that -
1. Take mash that fermented at least 2 times, divide in half, one half goes into trash (or use it with other batch)
2. Add half of baked/dried bread loaf.
3. Take clean water, 5l
4. Add sugar, at least 1 tablespoon per liter of water, and stir well until sugar is dissolved.
5. Put mash and bread into sugar water, cover with gauze, wait 2-3 days, drain, enjoy (after first day you can taste it - drain when the sweetness is appropriate, store in fridge, and drink in the next 24-36 hours - after that it's just not very tasty anymore).
6. After draining, remove mash, goto 1.

Mash is stored in the fridge - I never had problems with using weeks old mash - no weird growths or anything. It just eats all remaining sugar and goes into anabiosis.

You may try using natural sugars (like apple juice), it may or may not work good. I will try some day when I will have enough space.

Forgot to add some minor points:
It is slightly alcoholic, don't allow children to destroy half a bottle, as they may want to (mine do).
You probably should really add more sugar than I wrote, as I consider a tablespoon full when it can't fit anymore sugar.

In brewing terms what you're doing is creating a yeast starter in the bread mash and then using that mash to propagate the yeast into the drink. It's similar to how sourdough bread is done or beer that uses the local yeast. Rye probably has more nutrients for the yeast rather than just plain bread. It sounds like you're using heaping tablespoons for the sugar.

Yeast dominates the batch so what you're doing works but the "clean" brewing way to do it is to have a lid with an airlock instead of a cloth.
Natural sugars should work just fine though you're adding different flavors that you might want to look out for. By weight apples are ~25% sugar and I'm not sure on the juice but you'd just add a different amount.

One thing I would add is that if you're going to use natural sugars or aren't taking water from a sterile source you should boil and cool it before you add the mash, after step 4.

Thanks mr Burger, I may be a slavnigger, but I'm still white. That step should be just as obvious as "Wash your hands or use food grade gloves before touching the mash".
Nah, just tastes much better. Rye kvass is the best.
As for natural sugars, I would really like to try beets as well. When I was a child, I liked eating cooked beets with fresh rye bread, so maybe it will translate well into the drink.

Things like beets don't have nearly enough sugar to get it to the correct ABV without adding more beets, which would overwhelm the flavor. Add something that's majority sugar, like honey, which would also impart flavor, or sugar.

It's barely alcoholic. Honey would just be 2tbsp/L with his recipe where dry mead can be about 300g/L (13-14%ish abv).

I guess I just compared you too much to real niggers.

I thought kvass would be in the beer level of ABV, then some beets would be fine.

All right streloks, anyone want some fire mitigation info so their gardening doesn't end up threatening their bunker?
Polite sage in case no one wants it.

Just make beet sugar. A 10lb bag of beets will produce about 1.5-1.7lbs of sugar and then you can just add a little bit of the pulp to your kvass for flavor/eat the rest of the sweet pulp (or throw it out).

I already live in a desert so fire mitigation is part of everyday practice unless I'm growing cacti/yucca in my yard.

Speaking of, as long as you know how to keep them from becoming pests and you've got the time, consider forming a moat around your house and on the outside of it planting yucca with cactus near it to keep rodents off, and bringing in a fire ant population. The yucca fruit will keep the fire ant population thriving (as well as some birds) to keep niggers and kids out, while you now have the ability to harvest yucca if SHTF.

Yucca is a good plant, but Prickly Pear is where it's at. My yucca are dying due to some weird bug parasite eating them.

I am so jealous of you.

Your list is somewhat useless, too much poisonous shit. Traditionally used in Germany to protect your property are:

Dog rose (Rosa canina)
Hawthorn (Crataegus monogyna/laevigata/rhipidophylla)
Blackthorn (Prunus spinosa)
Common sea buckthorn (Hippophae rhamnoides)
European barberry (Berberis vulgaris)
Blackberry (Rubus fruticosus)

Besides being thorny they all give wood and fodder for animals in winter, their fruits can be turned into jam or used for alcohol and their leaves can be used for herbal teas.
Blackthorn is traditionally also used to make walking sticks and clubs in Europe.
Other commonly used, but with less or no thorns are:

Frangula alnus (alder buckthorn), the charcoal if its wood was historically used for black powder, hence why in german the wood has the nickname pulverholz(powder wood)
Wayfarer (Viburnum lantana), used to make arrows since the stone age
European beech (Fagus sylvatica)
European hornbeam (Carpinus betulus), used as the basis for a defensive Gebück/Wehrhecken(Hedgelaying), for that the trees were cut to look like picture 1 and combined with Blackberry, Dog Rose and other thorn bushes to make impenetrable fences and even border walls. One of the oldest was the Rheingauer Gebück, which stood for 600 years from the 12th century to the 18th century.ück
European holly (Ilex aquifolium), leaves and twigs were used as wall fillings against rats and mice
European elderberry (Sambucus nigra)

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After you have a nice Thorn Hedge around your property, think about the flower beds inbetween your house and your hedge.
If you look at renaissance style gardens, you will notice that they are build the way to hinder straight movements, even the bigger main road is usually intercepted with a well or pillar.
The flower beds are low enough that you can always see who is coming to your house, but high enought to not give cover and wide enough to make jumping over them difficult.

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Woah I remember that thread.
Good times.

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Why not? Simply cut into slices and air dry them, they last for three or four years easy.

Its very labor intensive and I bet he has a job/live to take care of besides his garden.
You cannot call your boss and tell him you don't show up to work for a week, because you need to cut and air dry apples all day long.
Back in the old day this was a job for the housewife, kids, grandpartens and second born siblings to do.

Perhaps he can hire one of his family member to air dry the apple?

I have decided to try my hand at making apple wine since we found and old juicer in the attic.
I didn't even know we had a juicer. I don't remember buying one, and it looks rather old. Might be that my father once bought it and put it up there for some reason. It still works and the instructions says that it can do apples too, so I guess we viti/k/ulture now.

That's for grape and the correct word for the science of fruit is Pomology.

Apple cide

Also you can use the apple puree as a sauce on the chicken or turkey.

kek. You are supposed to have a plan for the excess. Why not press them and turn them into cider you cuck?

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Your attention span seems limited.