How should an ex masturbation addict go about confessing to a priest past messed up and edgy masturbation sessions that happened while being 14-21 years old (escalating then abruptly disappearing) for which they feel extreeeeeeeemely remorseful? How detailed should the confession be? I read somewhere that if the masturbation included graver content, the confession must be more precise. How's the confession process? Can the priest see my face? Can I hide my face from him? Does he wait in the confessional for people to enter or is there first an encounter and dicussion outside before going inside together? Would confessing to a priest that you have no intention to meet ever again far away from where you plan to then attend mass be considered cheating? This is the one and only thing holding me back from embracing a lifetime of faithful weekly mass attendance, religious orthodoxy and sincere devotion…I can't just stay at home and pray the Rosary everyday…I was baptized as a baby but I need to get confirmed and then actively practice the faith…
Confession to a Priest for Paraphilic Masturbation
My parents are divorced and I have had literally no social life and zero friends for more than a decade. I am either in class or at home by myself in my room with my door locked, in complete solitude, reading or on the computer. 4chan tricked me into getting curious about and masturbating to things that I have always strongly hated (VERY STRONGLY). I barely felt any pleasure ejaculating, I was pissed off before, during and afterwards, sometimes I didn't even fully ejaculate and yet I kept doing it again and again and again like a robot or possessed person not even in control of his own body for the ~2mins on average that the sessions lasted…I conditioned myself to keep doing it again and again and again, screaming "what the f is going on" in my head while doing it…to be honest, I even forgot completely about a lot of it but it hit me like a train when I wanted to start praying the Rosary and started to think hard about what sins I could pray it for. I was an atheist back then (when the paraphilic masturbation started) too and all the stuff just came back in my head, extreme guilt made it feel like my heart shrunk and just made me feel like dying. I had the faith but felt like I just couldn't truly possess it, like I was too dirty for it. Now it just seems so impossible that the person that I currently am could repeat this past bs.
I was feeling good a few minutes ago but then when I was doing some reading on the sacraments, confession came up and the thoughts of my past masturbation sessions came back and thinking of a particular one made me suddenly grab my bed's headboard, literally gasp for air while looking at the wall in horror with my eyes wide opened thinking "holy sh I actually did that". The worst of all is that, and I can't stress this enough, I have never even liked any of it or felt any of the attractions associated with this filth and I stupidly quickly jerked off literally anytime I got unwanted erections to get rid of them, maybe this is what messed everything up and created a conditioning that repeated the masturbation, wow now that I think about it, it may be it actually! I'm very prude by nature and yet I've always for some strange reason imitated people's perversions. I didn't even start masturbating regularly until a classmate joked about me masturbating, I insisted that I didn't and I didn't lie because I hadn't in a long time, and then literally the day after I started jerking off. A few years ago I was on NoFap for months and felt no urges then I mentioned to someone in a related conversation that I didn't masturbate and a week after I started doing it again…wtf. It makes no sense and this is what's driving me crazy, I feel so fu*king tricked and things are so complex, much more than what I've kept detailing here. I don't mean to make excuses for my behavior but these are genuine explanations which still puzzle me. How long do confessions usually last? Could I speak of all of this to a priest or just admit the tip of the iceberg and have him putting me in a category of shameless perverts who actually have perverse attractions?
I really couldn't look at someone in the eyes after explaining all of this and to be honest, if you knew me in real life, saw my personality and everything, you'd be shocked to hear all of this, especially the zero friends part, you'd be really really really surprised. You'd talk to me and see me as a "normie", I don't act like a sperg at all, I'm just so damn unlucky, I'm excellent at talking to people and they show that they enjoy my presence, but I just always end up in complete solitude all the time despite the very friendly interactions that I have with all sorts of people… I don't like attention and wrote this mostly to write my thoughts out so I could meditate on them and so my head doesn't explode and I feel better now…I won't delete this though because I hope you'd still realize that things aren't always what they seem and what you'd think of me if I directly admitted how I masturbated and/or what I masturbated to, what you'd think of me wouldn't be quite correct…yes I am very scared of judgment and even if I know that God knows the whole truth and would be able to forgive me if I asked (I have but I must confess to a priest also and pray the Rosary my whole life for these perverse masturbation sins which make me feel like my prayers should only be focused on asking God to please go easy on me and that I shouldn't even make any other request to God, not even pray for someone else, etc.), thinking about "what people would think" if they got only part of the truth torments me…even worse if they knew all of it, which I haven't even fully written down, and would still hate me…
I feel so weak and my strong empathy which I thought was a good quality of mine was often what led me to the perverse masturbations despite the hatred, e.g. one that I recall was a normal picture which had no effect on me, but then when I read a very short but perverse comment about it, it kept echoing in my head for months, with me saying "I wish I could break his fu*king hands for writing that sh*t……but what if I tried to masturbate to it to see how it feels?" and I eventually masturbated to that one image, and guess what? it didn't even feel good at all…really, at all, I orgasmed without feeling the orgasm but I still ejaculated…often while I masturbated I had a disgusted face and shook my head while the hand motion was still there despite my genuine unwillingness only to end up feeling nothing upon ejaculation, knowing that it feels like nothing since it's not something I actually like and yet, doing it again, and again, and again, feeling no pleasure but only suffering and ending up not with suicidal feelings but with desires to murder and feelings of extreme mental anguish. I once even simulated breaking my entire appartment (not touching anything, just pretending to grab the tv and throwing it on the window for example, etc.) I was so pissed off and what pissed me off was repeated the literal next day, this time feeling like a zombie afterwards (still didn't feel good at all). Would a priest even listen to this psychotic babbling of mine? I mean it's so complicated, there is so much more to say and that's mainly also what would make the confession so hard…the worse would be to look at him in the eyes afterwards, or him recognizing my voice. If then, to my surprise, we got out simultaneously of the confessional, I'd just run away hiding my face and leave the particular church to never come back.
PS: Actual hardcore porn was never ever an issue, it was mostly (95%) SFW stuff and very often the same pictures, then there's also stuff like perverse solo masturbation which I won't even get into since it gets even stranger… (ex: I pretended to get molested/raped…almost a hundred times…yet I have never felt any arousal regarding this outside of my apartment or around anyone…it also started when I became NEET…)
PPS: Also, if anyone can (lol I doubt it) relate or slightly relate, please make yourself heard or if you just sinned in similar ways and had to confess…thanks…I feel like I'm really alone in this…always alone, my whole life…
I have yet to confess for all I did before becoming (again) a christian so don't worry about it.
I did a lot of awful things and it wasn't limited to masturbation because I led many people astray by creating porn myself and Larping as a girl on certain boards.
It's certainly going to be a trip doing all of that but we will have to do it. At least you have a confessionnal nearby. There is nothing where I live, priests simply do the thing where (for a lack of better term) everyone say they have sinned at the beginning of mass.
Stay strong user! Don't be too hard on yourself
Oh and before you ask, the porn I masturbated to (and sometimes created) was among the most degenerate stuff you can find on the internet. I'll let your imagination fill the blanks.
You don’t need to go into too much detail, it’s confession not story time. Here’s the way I last confessed masturbation:
That’s all. He doesn’t need my background or history, he just needs to know my sins
I read everything user, i can relate somehow, as i would ( and still sometimes do ) masturbate knowing it's a sin, and feeling like afterwards. Porn and masturbation really is terrible and a curse..i will pray for you, trust in God and things will get better. I think you don't need to say everything to the priest, just say that you masturbated before and is repentant of this sin. God bless
I won't lie, I have literally everything a Cathodox could wish for: a big personal library of the best theological books and both a gorgeous Catholic FSSP church that only says the Tridentine mass and a lovely Orthodox church (with liturgies said in my language even though my country is Catholic!) 15mins away from my house. Yet I feel too dirty for it, not even exaggerating, it feels like 10 people shat all over me and for some unexplainable reason I just wasn't able to move and I just remained there, with the smell making me gag so I wasn't even enjoying it.
I read that if the matter is not just simple masturbation to simple porn, the grave matter must be mentioned. Not going into detail about it though would give me a severe panic attack. It's an unironic "wait, it's really not what it looks like!!!!! I'm not like that!!!!" scenario for me. I would feel dirty just stepping into the church now imagine receiving the Eucharist after a vague confession…no way, I simple couldn't, it would be sacrilegeous.
It's worse when there's literally 0 enjoyment tbh, I don't wish this to anyone. Addicted to something you genuinely hate, not just feel guilty about…
Yeah. I won't lie. I'd like to have that.
Well, user this is your personal trial. No matter how scared you are you MUST do it. How free and lighter you will feel once you have admitted everything. It might even be the best feeling in your life.
You can do it, cheers!
You have to be more specific than "a lot'. If you can't give an exact or approximate number, then you say "about x number of times per week/month over x number of months/years".
You can always ask the priest how specific you need to be. If he's a good priest, he won't judge you, trust me.
Please answer my questions here in the OP
and this:
I must know…
I'm sorry, I don't know. However I believe you should be precise. Perhaps not to the point of saying the name of the story/video you jerked off to, but you must reveal the fetishes.
Also, a very interesting thing, the Extraordinary Jubilee of Mercy started in early December 2015 and lasted until late November 2016.
Well……strangely, without even hearing about its beginning nor being even aware of it during its duration, though the logo looks familiar so I've probably glanced at it once, I accepted the Catholic faith precisely in early December 2015 and until November 2016, seriously I actually keep notes on the progression of my faith, I was doing a lot of theological readings online before cooling down and getting a job to buy books…
en.wikipedia.org
Interesting…
Regarding how detailed the confession, I'm not certain if you should go into details about the types of pornography or not. That's why I think you better ask your confessor. Some priests say you have to be more specific about it, some not. Whatever the case may be, you should ask your confessor with a spirit of humility and openness in making a good confession. As for the process of confession, it's simply the accusation of your sins. You say "Bless me father for I have sinned, it's been x amount of time since my last confession [or whatever is the case for you]" then you tell him your sins without unnecessary details added. You must confess all your mortal sins (their species e.g. masturbation), their number (as best as you can tell), and the circumstances that change the sin (e.g. committing a sin of impurity with a family member adds the sin of incest, and willfully entertaining impure thoughts in a church adds the sin of sacrilege, as do impure looks.) If you don't want to see the priest, then you should find a church with traditional confession boxes where you confess behind a grille. Your best bet is probably the FSSP church, as they have posted confession times where you can come in without needing to ask the priest for confession. My FSSP church has a few hours reserved on Saturdays for confession. You should check yours to see if they have it too, so you won't have to worry about keeping the priest too long. As for how long it takes, it depends. You could make a general confession of all your sins in no more than 5 minutes. Some old ladies spend 15+ minutes in there, so it really depends. Keep it simple (no unnecessary details), humble (don't try to make your sins less grave by choosing dishonest wordings), and entire (don't conceal any grave sins).
OP you are almost literally me, though I think I have even more on my plate. Thank you for creating this thread and sharing your story. I am also afraid of confession for the same reasons. How can anyone sit in the universe's highest court, knowing they're completely guilty, and keep his composure?
But I should be confirmed because confessing for the first time, no? I really haven't looked much into this out of anxiety.
Same for the church I plan to go to.
I would really love to talk with you in private…
No, you don't need to be confirmed. In fact, receiving confirmation while in mortal sin is a sacrilege.
Not in the church yet, but from what I know:
Sometimes, but you have to have the option for private confession per canon law.
You have the right to per canon law.
Dunno. Note that confessional booths aren't actually too common anymore. Reconcilliation rooms (basically offices similar to a therapist's room with a screen in it) are the norm nowdays.
This is licit. I think the priest has to be in your diocese, but not your parish. Don't quote me on that, though.
It should. If you're so embarrassed, think of this:
you weren't embarassed to do your acts in the full view of god almighty, so why are you afraid of telling a mere priest about it?
Wow, so I could just show up tomorrow and simply confess just like that for the first time? Then months later (no way I'll commit the same sins in the meantime, no way) get confirmed?
He will be waiting in the confessional and if I see there's nobody else inside, I just get in and I'll be the first one talking, correct? Can the first thing that I say be a polite greeting and explain that it's my first confession ever?
Do not fear penance, it's scary at first but remember that you are confessing to God. It is common for priests from other parishes to come do confession, I've confessed to priests who live 60 miles away that were visiting my parish before, and I don't know for sure of a single time my own priests were my confessor. The confession process for me is as follows:
I always kneel at the screen anonymously, and I'm fairly sure most confession booths are anonymous. Also for comfort, most priests talk about what some call "divine amnesia". They don't tend to remember a thing said during confession. Beyond that the priest is hearing the same things over and over for hours straight. Sitting there listening to "I blasphemed" "I commited lusftull sins" "I commited … " He is hearing the same things over and over, and then has to do it all again next week. He's not going to remember.
As for how specific when it comes to masturbation, I don't know exactly, I've never been specific or even explicitly said I did masturbate.
Good luck
Yes, yes.
Of course. Usually confessionals have a little light above the door indicating if there's someone in it. If there's no one, you can walk right in, or get in line with the other people waiting. And you can tell whatever you feel your priest needs to know. You can ask him to help you examine your conscience if you're not sure how, and ask him to help you when you're too embarrassed to confess certain sins. That's why I recommend you go to your FSSP church, as they are generally the most orthodox and best trained in spiritual guidance.
My first confession I started with "Hi". You want to tell him it's your first time, normally you'd tell him how long it has been.
I'm afraid that after confessing I'll feel like I'll have "gotten away with it" by being too vague…but I remember hearing about how it's ok to not be too blunt to avoid scandalizing the priest…
Is there anything that should be memorized? Since it's FSSP, will anything be said in latin in the confessional? It's really not an issue for me, I just want to make sure and not make it awkward…
The priest will ask you to say an act of contrition. My church's confessionals have a small card with the act of contrition written on it. Yours might not, so you should try memorizing it. If you go to a latin mass parish, the priest will most likely say the absolution prayer in latin, and end with "your sins are forgiven" or something like that to send you on your way.
I don't know about FSSP, but my parish provides a paper with an act of contrition for you to read from, though it's best to memorize one, and really understand the intention in the words.
As for scandalizing the priest, you can be really blunt if you like. It's vulgarities and specifics that will lead the priest to bad thoughts to watch out for. Don't describe the act, or describe what you were looking at, but rather the nature of the sin.
confess to god not the preists
you dont need to confess to another man
plus thats how they blackmail people
im not a protestant
useless labels
There is one more thing that I should mention…
Since I was very upset about the perversion of my masturbation sessions and especially what it concerned. I didn't want to keep thinking "my masturbation was perverted for being about …., ….. and ….. (exemple)" I prefered to be thinking "I've masturbated to all the common perverted things and weird things too" to feel less anxious over the first specific things so what I did was save a lot of different images (donald duck, an helicopter, fake necrophilia, 2 girls 1 cup, hitler rule 34, my face, etc.) and created an image mosaic of all these things, masturbated while looking at it all until I reached orgasm with my eyes going all over the mosaic. It was obviously more forced than the other first things but it still counts, I can now say that I did "masturbate to all these things too". Now, I know that I did this just for my conscience, so I could say "I've masturbated to everything" and so by generalizing remove the focus on the specific things which were first concerned. How does this come into play with the confession? If I have to be more detailed about the previous stuff, won't I have to be detailed about the nature of all these random things too? Wouldn't it be still somewhat cheating which was my goal at first?
I actually forgot I did this since it was so forced (when I came I felt like I was bleeding) and now that I remember that, it does actually help my conscience being able to say that "I've masturbated to pretty much everything" but what about the confession with that in mind?
damn i feel better about the weird shit i jerked off to now
donald duck
damn man
takes alot of courage to post that
Question.
If you're doing confession wrong, can the priest listening to you correct you, or do you only find out when you go back to consult a book on how to do confession again?
user I've masturbated to horrible things, the worst being children and animals. What matters is that you turn from it and never look back, it doesn't matter what your priest thinks of you, you'll be glad you did it on judgement day.
It was really really forced though. I don't want to be too crude but I was literally beating it and came while probably 1/4 erect. I basically cheated. Angela Merkel, Captain Hook and a picture of the KKK logo was included in another one of these mosaics.
I turned from it but not looking back (memory) is the hardest part.
Is trying amnesiac techniques to forget past sins sinful?
Until you're able to go to confession, continue to pray the rosary, pray for courage and mental healing. You still need to bring it to confession and just let it all go
Skip the priest and go straight to the Lord.
I will do.
Someone please let me know about this:
what would you say caused to do this ?
This:
The priest will likely correct you, though I think this user is wrong about listing fetishes. Different fetishes don't necessarily change the nature of the sin.
I have had a priest correct me mid confession before.
You say "I have been impure with myself". The priest knows what youre talking about. It's a polite way of saying "I cant stop beating my meat"
user, I…
James 5:16 RSV
wew.. Romanist legalism is a hell of a drug. You know that God already knows every sinful thought you've had no matter how many loopholes you use to avoid telling some black-robed middleman, right?
I would say that's all covered well enough by pornography and, it seems, gay pornography. Maybe add in necrophilia but I'm not sure you need to be more specific.
The sin here is masturbation
Go confess it with a contrite heart, and you will be forgiven.
Your face is somewhat hidden with the lattice screen, but fear of shame should not hold you back. You're there to confess your sins, if they weren't shameful you wouldn't need to be there.
Don't be a bitch, confess the sins and avoid them in future, otherwise your Christianity will forever be larp
Just tell him "impure acts, alone" and it's done.
OP read this. I fell victim to r9k too.
Fast foreward today
There's this girl that likes me. It's going to happen again. I can't move away and I was on meds for a while but i wanted off them since they stopped working and it doesn't change the reality that people think I've done horrendous things. I only found out what people thought of me 5 months ago and I reported myself when my mum sent me to the psycharatrist. In sixth form they pretended to be my friend but then bullied me. Also, I think it happened on good friday because one of the girls who was in on the conspiracy against me asked me what day it was and I was confused and then she rebuked me at how I didn't know what day it was even though i was a practicing catholic.
Nothing new under the son, user. Here's some inspiration for you, courtesy of the Golden Legend:
Nicholas the Old Man Always in Lechery
Masturbation is a sin on its own.
The details don't really matter and getting too in depth can scandalize.
See it this way; you're not explaining all the kinky positions in confession if you fornicated right?
Same goes for masturbation, or other sins for that matter.
I'm sure the priest has heard way worse. Either way nothing to fear since God already knows and the priest can't tell that to anyone even if the the cops tortured him, even if the Pope himself told him to reveal the confession. Under no circumstances he can reveal it.
If by any chance that happen he would be instantly excommunicated (it only happened once this century) even if the priest did it without realising it. Even if it was the confession of a child.
So tldr: nothing to fear user. Even if you were a mix of a pedophile and bin laden nothing would happen. Probably the priest in that case would tell you to go to the nearest police station to get absolved instead of praying 10 Hail Mary's.
But no one is gonna arrest you for flapping, so you just do some Penance the priest tells you to do and off you go. And do not ever sin again.
Good luck user.
The priest can't make his absolution conditional on you revealing your sins to anybody else, neither can he impose it as a penance. Doing so would violate the seal of confession.
Didn't know that. Thanks for the correction user.
user… I just want you to know that I love you and wish only the best for you in life.
Please never forget that you are loved.