Hi, I'm 22 years old, born into catholic family. I became atheist around age of 14. I'm a huge hedonist, but deep down I feel constant call for purification and order. I see degeneracy everywhere and within me. I'm lazy, sinful, suicidal and spirituality empty, but I fool myself, that it's other way around. I just barely can withstand urges for pleasures. When I think about reality, everything that's around me and I can't comprehend it - then I just want to end it all.
Please, help me find God.
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Reading the Bible and attending church sounds good. Fasting and praying and almsgiving is very important but you'd be better off doing these things once you've reunited yourself to the religion.
Maybe Ecclesiastes would be a good book for your present case.
Do you know the gospel? Has there ever been a time when you asked God for salvation because you believe in Jesus' life, death, and resurrection?
If you also have existential angst I'd suggest you look on Christology.
I'll try these
I don't.
Yes, but each time I picked one from different religion to verify which is "real". Always no answer. I know my behaviour was stupid.
Thanks, I'll look into it.
Have you earnestly asked the God of the Bible on those terms?
The bible says:
If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved; (Rom. 10:9 NAS)
Also, do not be disengaged if you bounce many times from very different and radical worldviews. This is normal, do not rush.
I never read any holy text and I definitivly did not confess (at least not truly) ever in my life. The words I had to repeat when I was a child were meaningless to me.
I bounced quite often in my life, between satanism, hinduism and paganism (I'm of pure slavic ethnicy). It makes me really mad that I just can't sit down and know to which religious system shall I belong.
I removed hinduism and satanism from consideration as it never was in my family.
It's a long journey, the world is a complicated thing. Don't stress yourself if you don't understand it.
Also, Begome Orthodox.
Pick up and read the Bible
Here's the gospel
This is encouraging people to sin.
What's the sin?
Murder. He says in the video he can go out and kill people and he won't lose his salvation.
He's obviously not advocating murder, it's an illustrative tool
Are you taking issue with "once saved always saved" or the works salvation debate?
Don't worry, lad. Most converts are from your age group, I became Orthodox at 19 after being an atheist my entire life because my family also was. I did not care for family when searching so I even considered shintoism for half a day or something idiotic like that because I watched anime. I bet you can't beat that.
I think there's a line in Dostoyevsky's Notes from the Underground that he makes promises of an entire life in the morning only to give it up in the evening. It's a good read for the. It's not like people haven't been inconsistent before, it's normal. By the way, it's a very short book that helped in my conversion because I very much identified with the character, so I recommend you that.
Checked.
I was in a similar situation without the suicidal tendencies.
At first I started reading Bible, almost every day. It moved my views towards God. After months I just wanted to go to church so I went. It took me months to go to confession. Since then I returned to catholicism which saved me from the pit of despair or from the will to power faggotry that would ensue for sure.
I felt empty because I ignored God and sought to substitute him with vain things/with working myself out of my strength. At the bottom of my strengths I found God.
tl dr: Come back to church. Start by reading Bible, going to church. Do nofap (purity thread here). Set as a very good goal to pray 2 times a day (morning, evening)
thanks
why? I cannot for the life of me think why you'd tell a noob with existential angst to look into christology? If you mean look into the orthodox understanding of the nature of Christ in the hypostatic union then please specify, but without doing so you're opening a hole can of worms (so many damn isms) that would be wholly unecessary and confusing for someone new to delve into, let alone qiuet any existential angst.
Skip this OP. You'll get even more depressed watching that clown. Stick to Bishop Baron and father Mike.
wew
Don't watch Bishop Barron at all, or Father Mike, watch Sensus Fidelium youtube.com
just watch them all
Go to a priest and tell him your situation. Basically you need to do a big confession. Read the Douay Rheims new testament
==Ｂａｓｅｄ＝＝
Ｂａｓｅｄ
Don't you get the feeling that Fr Mike Schmitz is gay. I know his brother is apparently gay, I just get the feeling he is gay too. He's also a total idiot who thinks Boxing is okay but MMA is sinful. Seriously no wonder the church is in shambles, all our clergy is filled with fags and soyboys. Bishop Barron also charges for most of his content and is so ridiculously soft on every topic, all he does is churn out lukewarm people. I'm sure they have their place and all, because a lot of people these days can be turned off by what the Catholic faith actually is, but it's just so ridiculously watered down that I'm not sure if its of any value. Thats why we have hordes of CATHOLICS FOR LGBT and other trite nonsense like this.