I just want to die. I want the pain to stop. I can't stand growing up and leeching off of everyone just to get by...

I just want to die. I want the pain to stop. I can't stand growing up and leeching off of everyone just to get by. I hate not being able to find joy in my faith anymore, and I hate the fact that I changed as a person after I lost my virginity. I hate myself. I could have become a priest,or have a good job; now I am sick in the head, and I can'tbear this pain anymore. I want. it to stop ffs.

Attached: San-Juan-Diego.jpg (200x253, 26.15K)

I know, I am sorry. The Lord loves and hears, your call swoons his heart. He listens, he redeems. Stay strong, hold fast as the gates of hades try to open before you Satan wants your Love to be1 crushed he prays first on your self Love, then your neighbors ans soon he'll go for the hammer to drive the stake into the Lord.

The world needs our Lord now more than ever. Pray that he comes. If he was here you would have no fear, we could follow him truely and see the way outside the temptation of our sin. The Son of man will redeem you user, hold fast, keep in prayer.

"Before we sign Satan tells us the sin is of no consequence, but after sin he tells us it's unforgivable."
t. Venerable Fulton Sheen

But the devil is wrong user. God always forgives. After the sin it Jesus who is eagerly awaiting for you to embrace him again. Do not despair user. Where there's sin, there is always forgiveness.
Go to confession and tell your priest that you've sin.
Be ashamed when you sin, not when you are asking for forgiveness.

I can't do anything. I am a dead man walking. I have no purpose and I feel really distanced from everything.

You can still be a priest dude.
Lots of people become priests/monks after they lost their virginity.
But with this attitude you wouldn't be a good one.
Please pray to Jesus so that he resolves your pain and inner conflict.
Bless you, child.

I know this very well, but my mental illness causes me to think about it all the time. I don't think I am cut out for the priesthood anymore. I have already attempted suicide for example, and this made me feel much more disconnected from God. What christian attempts suicide?

That's what he wants you to think.
It's not the end of the world.
Peter denied God three times, Paul persecuted Christians and was accomplice of St. Stephens murder, yet they are our greatest saints.
St. Augustine was too a fornicator and even had a son with his lover. The result? He is now a great saint because he converted to the Lord.
St. Jerome even engaged occasionally in gay stuff while he was a student in the pagan Rome. But he regretted deeply and now is a saint.
So you see user, those people sins are even worse than yours and now they are in heaven because they asked for forgiveness, and forgiveness was given to them.
So tell Satan to go winnie the pooh himself and tell him he is lying,because God will forgive you and there's nothing he can do about it. So go to confession and the priest will help you, you'll get out of there with a whole new life to live, this time with the right choices.
And you still can user. You can still be a priest, a family man everything who want, as long as you ask God for forgiveness.

Read the Stoics. I went from being permanently depressed to always being happy with no change in my life circumstances. How you think pretty much defines your life. Start arbitrating over your thoughts, purge the useless and self deprecating thoughts as soon as they pop up, if you dont those brain synapses and neurons will embolden and youll be stuck in that catastrophic loop. Purge them continually and they'll start to become feeble and eventually stop altogether. You must program your brain in a sense, educate it.
Also losing your virginity cant change you, events and circumstances cannot influence your personality unless you choose to. You can learn with it that you are pretty weak to lust like all others but it shouldnt change your personality at all.

Thank you for these warm words. They mean alot. God bless you. I have done nothing but worry and ruminate this entire past year. I sure hope the damage isn’t irreparable.

It isn't, but do not lose heart if it takes long to recover to normal.