Sometimes, I do not feel God's love

Sometimes, I do not feel God's love (alongside not feeling anyone's love). These are some of the worst days I have.

Throughout my childhood, my parents were very violent toward one another on a regular basis. I literally thought one was going to murder another many days. I think this contributed greatly to my never feeling loved by them, and not trusting any other human's love at times. I can feel God's love some days, but some days I can't. I feel beyond depressed. I feel so empty, cold, and suicidal.

I need to feel God's love to keep going.

What do I do when this happens?

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You have to forgive your parents.

To actually have any sort of experience or feeling of God's love is a grace, a grace you don't have to receive. If you have faith, that won't change when you stop feeling loved. Just trust in God.

just try not to think about. don't be a little bitch, and remember god won't give you anything you can't handle. if you choose to give up, that's on you. usually i just sleep it off and i'm fine in the morning, these feelings are normal and everyone gets them from time to time. just remember to not be a bitch and try really hard to not be a little faggot bitch. also, despair is a sin, and so is being a little faggot bitch, so don't do that shit

90% of the days I feel nothing. I understand you.
If possible try to keep a little flame lit inside you, read Scripture and pray, even a little bit every day.
When everything is dark keep this little flame lit to not fall into absolute darkness. The light will return, and if you kept your flame lit during the night you will understand how it made you closer to God.

Hey user, I am also facing the same type of fear, this inquisition upon the soul tests our faith, our dedication of spirit.

For me, from me for you, I agree with an above user you must forgive your parents. I too faced the same wrath upon my childhood's innocence. I felt no love, not even my own. I overcame the turmoil and healed it's scar tissue by learning to forgive. Forgiving isn't a one-an-done deal, it's an avenue for faith to participate in the healing of our soul, to grow from our sinful upbringing and birth.

To feel Gods love you must pray–you must pray, everday with forgiveness in your heart and mercy as the stamp to send it to God.

Op I pray for you, stay determined to find the gloriest love, for it's Gods will that you will receive his grace.
Unclog those arteries, purify your heart and have the virtue of forgiveness pump through your vains!

Do you know why your parents were so violent to each other? raises a very good point, but I think it's important you hear a reason from them. Hopefully you can an apology as well, but if they don't give you one, you'll know that you at least gave them an opportunity to show you love. Whether they make the most of this chance is on them.

I FOUND THE PROBLEM!!

I actually know those feels, user. My upbringing has left me with trust issues, which translate into my "feelings" that God will betray me, too. They're feelings, they're a response to a corrupted internal dialogue about often erroneous facts, impressions and extrapolations based on actual facts. People too often misuse the word "faith" – "have faith, user" and "faith will lead the way" – until it's a wishy-washy word of little meaning, but it's actually one of the most powerfully solid words in the Christian's lexicon. Don't just have "faith", have faith IN God. This means more than just trust. BELIEVE in God, in God's faithfulness, in God's goodness, in God's trustworthiness, in God's LOVE … not because you can see them, not because you can "feel" them, not because you can divine them from the temperature of the air or some other measurement … but because God Himself testifies – via the Bible, written by men inspired by the very Spirit of God – to His goodness, His faithfulness, His trustworthiness, His love, HAVE FAITH in who God says He is. Do not trust your feelings because aside from being corrupted by your sin, they're influenced by the enemy of God, and are rooting their conclusions in biased and imperfect data.

How do I believe in God? Firstly, become a Christian, if you're not already. Then, READ the scriptures, daily. Spent as long as you can, read them on the train, on the bus, in the very earliest hours of the morning before you actually "get up". Practice this and you will develop a habit, and from a habit will come a change in character, and from a change in character, a change in actions, and soon you will come to realise that your feelings have little of import to say on the matter of God's love. God doesn't love you like your mother did(n't), by giving you a hug each day, His love is in sacrificing His own son for your sake. Meditate on that daily. NEVER underestimate the power of the gospel, for within it is the power of salvation itself.

Pray. Pour our your heart to God, for you do not lack for a patient listener. Don't waste each others' time with meaningless chatter, but pour out your heart, confide in Him, beg Him to make your heart anew. And do it every day. Don't fail, even if it is only the Lord's Prayer once in the morning. It will reset your day, believe me. Then be patient.

Thirdly, and finally, ENDURE. In the New Testament, you will often read about "patience" – what it means is "endure". This is the hardest part in some ways because it simply says "suffer the tortures of your mind lying to you, believe in God, but just live with the pain of that relationship not yet being complete". And it isn't. As Paul himself writes, we look on God, on His love, His goodness and so on, as though through a dim mirror, the barest whisper of a reflection of God, YET we were made to experience Him fully. What agony is the human condition that, I will suggest, even Angels don't envy us our later higher position because we had to endure this life.

Postscriptly, look to Christ. Imitate Christ. He was cut-off, in the same way we are, from the explicit love of God, He suffered insults, tortures and death at the hands of men that should have known to worship at His feet. But He, being their co-author, was immersed in the scriptures, He knew the love of God not because He could see it, not because He knew Himself as God – fully human, too, remember – but because He trusted God's own words. By faith, he knew who His Father was, He knew He was loved, He knew His father could be trusted.

Post-postscriptly, know that the Lord Himself has put you on this path. Your parents' untrustworthiness will be a blessing from God on your life, because it will produce in you – if you will work on it – a rock solid faith that can endure much, that others will marvel at. Make sure to understand, when Paul talks about people being given "the gift of faith", he's not just talking about people who woke up one morning and just believed and trusted God, he's talking about people like you and I who have had to ENDURE this life, and with each sling and arrow, learned to trust God more than most people will know. Maybe one day you'll learn to see that. But, for now, I strongly encourage you: read the scriptures, pray to God, meditate on the Gospel, on Christ, and endure.

God bless you, brother.

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Don't buy into the whole hands in the air, airy fairy, warm fuzzy meme version of Christianity that is preached in the modern day.

Faith is about following the commands of God and building his kingdom, just as he commanded us. By carrying out good works, spreading the gospel and giving thanks to God.

Too many people, especially recent converts mistake that high they get when they discover something new and participate in a community for "Faith". In no language does the term "faith" imply good feelings pr love or anything like that. It implies persevering trust. Even when you are in your darkest moments.

Christianity is a faith of action. Not about sitting in a church all day feeling giddy about how much God loves you. Go out and build the kingdom, even when you are miserable and in dispair. Not just when you are happy and feel confident.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)

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I talk to my parents all the time. I help them do all kinds of choirs in their home without compliant. As we speak, I am fixing my dad's mp3 player. I do not argue with my parents or get emotional toward them. I am the mature one, even though they are around 80. I know what they did wasn't my fault. It is painful that when I was younger, I felt like I missed opportunities or relationships failed because I was a nervous wreck as a result of their violence. So I definitely felt resentment, and I do a little now, but not very much. I think to focus on the positive, which is that I became a very disciplined person and a good student. I thought as a child, these things would help me have a better, independent life. People remark on how hard working I am. I have also studied stoicism to control my emotions, and people remark on how calm I am outwardly. They aren't aware that I am in turmoil at times inside.

My goal is to just not fall into despair or insanity, and when I feel these feelings, I see this abyss taking me over.


I do not know why my parents were violent to one another. I have tried talking to them about it countless times in my life, but they deny it. As a child, this made me feel insane because they'd deny it instantly after it happened. They enjoy their lives, watching TV, living in luxury, not having any worries, but of course they complain constantly about minor things. They see no reason to do the difficult work of facing themselves and improving themselves. They are not reflective people. They are around 80 and they never changed in my life, beyond mellowing a little due to old age. They likely will not. It would take something huge, and time, but I don't think they have time.

If something serious happened, like someone in the family committed suicide, they became homeless, etc., I think they would completely shatter and probably never rebuild at this stage in their lives.


I have found stoicism to help me. I've just read stoic works, and incorporated parts that I think are useful into my thinking. It has made me a more calm person.


I feel more in tune with hermatic monks, or the desert fathers. I do drawings, which could be called works. But I think I'm more a meditative person

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This site contains a lot of helpful information and I encourage you to explore it and consider its recommendations:

"Every child will suffer some form of emotional misunderstanding in his or her family. If this misunderstanding is damaging enough—for example, if the parents are emotionally distant, hypocritical, or abusive—the child can adopt two powerful defensive beliefs:

“I don’t deserve to be cared for.”

“It’s wrong to want anyone to care for me.”

With these beliefs in place, the child effectively pushes love out of his or her life. Left unhealed, these beliefs will remain in the unconscious like psychological time capsules even into adulthood. Fear of love will persist, it will feel impossible to ask for help from anyone, and God Himself—who is love and our only real help—will be pushed away as well.

To overcome this fear of love, then, is not a simple task."

chastitysf.com/healing.htm
chastitysf.com/fear.htm
chastitysf.com/4humility.htm

You may need to see a therapist, hopefully a Christian one, who has experience with such trauma. But as points out, healing will involve more or less actually believing the faith deep down and not simply understanding it intellectually.

God bless you!

Thank you. I will read these links very soon. What you said makes sense. I have seen many different therapists in my life to deal with this, but none have helped.

You're feeling the unrest because the spirit of resentment haunts you. This is why you need to forgive your parents, not necessarily for their sake, but so that you can be free from that spirit and walk with God again.

No, no, no, sorry, maybe I stuttered: I said CHRIST not some made-up grin-and-bear-it Greco-Roman philosophical cult
Endurance is not stoicism. Stoicism says "Eh, life's shit. But the secret to happiness is not caring about that." Endurance says, "God is sovereign. He controls all. I know that whatever I am suffering is for His glory and my good." Come on, user. Cling to Christ, not to silliness.

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You can take wisdom from things which aren't Christian. During the renaissance, artists were allowed to paint ancient Greek subjects because their society understood the stories had great wisdom. But they didn't think that Zeus was real.

I don't think Stoicism says to not care, but I also don't follow everything ever said about it.

Stoicism has helped me control my emotions around other people. That's what I use it for.>>740562

I have forgiven them. See

I agree with your post, however i would like to point out that most renassaince paintings had a lot of kabbalistic/gnostic influences and themes. Yes, even the ones relating to christianity.

You've literally gone to them in person and said "I forgive you for failing me"?

this, although OP I haven't forgiven my parents yet in real life but in my heart I do. They used to beat me as a kid for bad grades and playing vidya (vidya is my escapism), and bad grades have gotten worse and worse since.

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No. They wouldn't understand what I am referring to, even if I explained it to them. They are delusional.

Actions speak louder than words.

If all you had to do was say, "I forgive you," how would that work if you were unable to communicate with the person? Forgiveness must be something else.

OP here. I had some thoughts about what has led me away from God in my life, and what was connected me to him. I think in my upbringing, religion/God/spirituality was about going to church. That was seen as the most important action. It didn't make sense to me as a child. I think in looking back at my life thus far, the following led to spiritual crisis:


I would see my parents go to church and pretend to be good people. My father was also very helpful to his friends, and they would constantly praise what a good man he was. As an adult, I understand now that people can go to church or be religious and still do bad actions, but as a child this was confusing to me. I also understand that going to church doesn't really mean anything on its own. My parents almost never talked about religion, though. They really didn't talk about much of anything. I had to learn how to do everything myself, including tying my shoes. They just seemed to go to church to look good.


She would constantly tell everyone how sinful they were in the sense that she was superior to everyone. In a room of people at my grandmother's wake, she told my dad to his face that he was going to Hell because he was Lutheran and not Catholic, and Catholicism was the one true religion. When I was a child, my dog ran away. My Aunt was taking care of us and said we had to go to church instead of looking him. I thought why would I want to be in a religion where you abandon a member of your family to sit in a building for an hour? She was a very unpleasant woman. I didn't want to be like her.


They would gossip and be shallow, and think because they were a member of a certain religion and went to church, that was enough.


I thought the guitars and drum kits were corny. I thought mega churches were gaudy and weird. It wasn't until I started studying the Renaissance on my own that I learned of other possibilities, and I saw how our shallow, consumerist society was shaping these churches.


I went through the typical, "Are those people going to hell?" questions. How is that fair?

I think pornography has been my biggest sin. I stopped looking at it a 3 years ago, with a couple of minor relapses. I also sometimes lie to people, because I struggle to communicate verbally. Like if someone asks me what I'm doing for Christmas, I don't know how to tell them I am not doing anything special, so I lie and say I am traveling to meet family when I am not.


I have always been an outsider. There was a period where many people in my life died at the same time, and I was struggling in school and then unemployment, and feeling like I could not do anything in society. Then the woman I loved rejected me for a man who had his life together. I have never felt as cold in my life as I did at that time. I think I made it out somewhat damaged, but ultimately stronger, like I can handle hardships better. I still feel lonely often, but I think I am starting to feel God more in my life.

I think I feel God through the art I make. I am reading the bible for the first time these days. As mentioned, I am interested in the Renaissance, but also the desert fathers, hermetic monks, and illuminated manuscripts. When I am learning about things which are deep, I feel a connection to God. If I mindlessly surf the Internet and read shallow things, I do not. I am trying to be the person God wants me to be. I think this week I've felt more connection to God than I have in the past.

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