So, I'm planning on becoming celibate but I feel as though my reasons for being so might not be 100% ok. I've been a incel khhv all my life and never had a woman interested in me. Even know I still have people only really associate with me out of pity. At church people are genuinely nice to me but deep down I know they really just wanna get away from me. Even my pastor doesn't really wanna talk to be. I'm not too offended, although servilely hurt, since I can be really annoying and Inquisitive and it can get to the point that he just doesn't want to answer any more of my autistic questions.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm just intrinsically bad. If I start a new job I'm the first to be hated even if I don't speak, if I join a new church I'm the outcast, if I try to join some club I'm the re-ject. It's all become so tiresome and I can't help it.
A couple days back I finally made peace with this truth. I'm not gonna beat myself up chasing something I can't get. I won't suffer and so I decided to become celibate. It's the only choice I really have and I don't see any other option. I know that this might not be a biblical or Christian reason to become celibate but I feel like I have no other choice. What else is a pathetic piece of gay shit like myself gonna do? I'm only hurting myself more if I try any harder. Might as well quit now.
